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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel embarrassed and like I should refund in part.

65 replies

GetMeOffThisCycleOfMisery · 29/06/2019 18:04

This is a weird one. I'm not sure if AIBU in my guilt a d wanting to do a partial refund.

My mum died recently. I've been selling her belongings on FB to raise money towards having her ashes interred, which has been interesting to say the least. Most buyers have been grabby CFs and it's certainly changed my view on selling his FB.

Anyhow, I digress. Before I had the keys back to my mum's sheltered accommodation tomorrow, the last big thing to sell was two black leather sofas, about a year old.

As time was against me and one sofa had a small blemish I listed them for £150 for both. Got loads of interest, and one really lovely lady was desperate for them, so much so she sent me a £50 deposit on PayPal to reserve them until collection yesterday. Very trusting of her.

She lives over an hour away and said she'd send a friend with a van who lived in my town who'd collect them. He turned up with a surly teenager and after struggling getting the small sofa out in the heat, he had the hump a bit. He was then quite rough in getting the larger sofa out. I kept saying to be careful as it was catching the front door frame, but he forced it.

When it was outside, we noticed it was scratched to shreds both ends (see pic) and he just shrugged. Saying it was hard to get it out.

I messaged the buyer and explained that it got damaged on the way out the flat and I'm sorry. She's been really lovely, but I feel she's upset. As would I be.

Should I return some of her money?

To feel embarrassed and like I should refund in part.
OP posts:
Yabbers · 29/06/2019 19:46

because I feel bad for her. She didn't seem well off

Then she should have sent someone more trustworthy or come with them to make sure they did t damage it.

Are you always blaming yourself for other people’s mistakes?

Pikapikachooo · 29/06/2019 19:51

I would . You don’t have to but it’s good karma Grin

GetMeOffThisCycleOfMisery · 29/06/2019 19:55

@Yabbers yes, you're right. I do, a lot.

OP posts:
Littlemisslists · 29/06/2019 20:02

If I was her I’d be raging with the people who did the moving, not you.

GetMeOffThisCycleOfMisery · 29/06/2019 20:10

As long as they hold their hands up @Littlemisslists

OP posts:
Fluffybread · 29/06/2019 20:14

I wouldn't pay anything because it looks like you're admitting some liability, when it's not your fault at all.

I agreed at first with the other posters saying it was better to receive cash as she could claim back from PayPal. However, as she (stupidly for her actually) paid through the Friends and Family option, she has no come back as that option is for giving money to someone you know. As she hasn't selected to pay for the item the correct way through PayPal, PayPal haven't received any money for the transaction and she has no protection to claim back from you at all. If they turned up and it was a fake address, she'd have had no come back anyway.

Don't feel bad. She risked £150 sending the dodgy men to collect and paying through F+F rather than paying a bit more for protection.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 29/06/2019 20:14

You can’t afford to partially refund her. She might have house insurance she can claim on, she might not. It’s not your problem, but it is s shame for her.

GetMeOffThisCycleOfMisery · 29/06/2019 20:20

Thank you for your replies. I feel bad for her, but less 'guilty' now.

OP posts:
XXVaginaAndAUterus · 29/06/2019 20:20

No. Don't refund anything.

It is very clearly her movers' fault not yours.

Keep the full amount. It's not a lot, and you need it.

Sorry for your loss, this must be hard Flowers

Squigglesworth · 29/06/2019 20:21

She still got a deal, and it's not your fault that her friends were so careless-- especially after you warned them to exercise caution. She can fix it up a bit to hide the damage, and fortunately it's only cosmetic. The sofa will still be comfortable and functional.

Flowers
Mabelface · 29/06/2019 20:34

You'll never see these people again and you have no obligations to get. You sold as seen and her mate damaged it. You're not liable in any way, shape or form and nothing to feel guilty about.

Casmama · 29/06/2019 20:52

It looks like the back of the sofa in which case it wont be visible if it is against the wall.
I wouldn't refund in your circumstances.

LuluJakey1 · 29/06/2019 20:53

Presumably she can see from your photos on the advert that it was not damaged before like that, so she will know anyway, and you have told her, that he damaged it.

I would feel bad for her though and be tempted to try to help her out some more but as it isn't me, I am standing back and looking and saying please don't. You have already done her a favour with the price. It is coverable - sofa against wall, throw over it, supergluing any bits down and using a black leather polish or a black marker.

Her 'friend' sounds like he didn't want to help her really. What did he say when it happened? Did you tell him you would let her know?

RageAgainstTheVendingMachine · 29/06/2019 21:05

Do not refund

  1. It was amazingly cheap in the first place and you are not rich yourself
  2. Damage in transit on her/her friends
  3. You do not want to accept liability

fwiw I'd be shoving one side up against wall so unseen, and chucking a throw over other side. I also have manic kids and intend getting manic cats so it would mean for me not crying over further spilt milk in the future. Please don't worry - you raised concerns, you were ignored. She could have collected it with her friend.

Serin · 29/06/2019 21:13

As others have said, she can fix that with a bit of superglue and a sharpie. Its totally unfair of her to express her disappointment to you. It is in no way your fault.
I bet he isn't a friend of hers at all, he is just some bloke with a van who advertises on FB. There are a lot of them about. We live rurally and people pay these guys to take stuff to the tip which they just dump in lay bys.

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