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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel embarrassed and like I should refund in part.

65 replies

GetMeOffThisCycleOfMisery · 29/06/2019 18:04

This is a weird one. I'm not sure if AIBU in my guilt a d wanting to do a partial refund.

My mum died recently. I've been selling her belongings on FB to raise money towards having her ashes interred, which has been interesting to say the least. Most buyers have been grabby CFs and it's certainly changed my view on selling his FB.

Anyhow, I digress. Before I had the keys back to my mum's sheltered accommodation tomorrow, the last big thing to sell was two black leather sofas, about a year old.

As time was against me and one sofa had a small blemish I listed them for £150 for both. Got loads of interest, and one really lovely lady was desperate for them, so much so she sent me a £50 deposit on PayPal to reserve them until collection yesterday. Very trusting of her.

She lives over an hour away and said she'd send a friend with a van who lived in my town who'd collect them. He turned up with a surly teenager and after struggling getting the small sofa out in the heat, he had the hump a bit. He was then quite rough in getting the larger sofa out. I kept saying to be careful as it was catching the front door frame, but he forced it.

When it was outside, we noticed it was scratched to shreds both ends (see pic) and he just shrugged. Saying it was hard to get it out.

I messaged the buyer and explained that it got damaged on the way out the flat and I'm sorry. She's been really lovely, but I feel she's upset. As would I be.

Should I return some of her money?

To feel embarrassed and like I should refund in part.
OP posts:
Original poster
GetMeOffThisCycleOfMisery · 29/06/2019 18:34

@supersop60 thank you. Flowers

Yes, I was thinking maybe £20 or something. Then I think what will she be able actually do with £20 to make it better and will it ease my bad feeling?!

She was so nice, feel bad her friend was so impatient.

OP posts:
AdaShelby · 29/06/2019 18:37

That's crap of them. You sound lovely but no, don't refund.

GloGirl · 29/06/2019 18:38

That's horrendously damaged. I understand why you want to refund her but the sofa I think for a pair in that good condition even with the mark is a fair price. It will be comfortable to sit on, is clean, was sold in fair and reasonable detail and the man in the van let her down and not you.

If youd sold them for more I would be more tempted with a partial refund in spite of it still not being your fault.

Ravenesque · 29/06/2019 18:40

It's not your fault at all, but in your position I know I'd probably give her back a small amount of the money because I'd feel sorry for her. That said you definitely don't owe her any money so it's entirely up to you. If you decide you don't want to then you are well within your rights to do that. Bloody arseholes damaging it though. If they had any decency they'd give her some money to make up for the fact that they're arseholes.

DishingOutDone · 29/06/2019 18:41

were they friends or a "man with van" get up? That's outrageous why didn't he just say sorry I can't do this or something like that if he didn't want to move it. what twat.

Malvinaa81 · 29/06/2019 18:44

You are kind to think the way you do, but it is not your responsibility.

And they'll damage it further getting it inside her place!

Original poster
GetMeOffThisCycleOfMisery · 29/06/2019 18:44

You've got how I feel on completely the head @Ravenesque.

She was so nice and before the shifting her friend said her other sofas were in huge disrepair, so I felt like she might not be well off. Not that I am, I had to crowdfund my mum's funeral and the belongings sales are are for her ashes being laid to rest. Just feel so bad for her.

I'm also worried her friend blames me in some way, now I think of it.

OP posts:
Original poster
GetMeOffThisCycleOfMisery · 29/06/2019 18:44

@DishingOutDone friends I believe.

OP posts:
SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 29/06/2019 18:45

If he (Van Man) was just doing a favour, without payment, sounds like he didn't really want to do it, and was doing it with bad grace (as my mum would say). Not your circus, not your monkeys. Sad for her, but maybe he felt guilted into doing it? Maybe there's a back story you don't know about.

Tallgreenbottle · 29/06/2019 18:45

No Op. She needs to take it up with her mate. Nothing to do with you.

AuntieDolly · 29/06/2019 18:47

Did you get the rest of the money in cash?

QuickRedFox · 29/06/2019 18:48

I wouldn’t offer a refund as you‘d be communicating to her that it was your fault. Probably she’ll feel worse about it rather than better.

Cliques · 29/06/2019 18:48

She didn’t pay the full amount by PayPal did she? You should only accept cash on the day. I would be wary if she did. It’s a known con to pay by PayPal and then get a refund by saying they never received the item.

DimplesToadfoot · 29/06/2019 18:49

A bit of super glue, a black sharpie and a nice throw, no one will know,

Keep your money

Original poster
GetMeOffThisCycleOfMisery · 29/06/2019 18:53

Thanks everyone. Money was sent by PayPal, but 'friends and family payment', which I believe means no come back, as such.

You're right, sending money makes me look guilty when I'm not. Her friend was definitely doing a favour and seemed hot, bothered and pissed off.

OP posts:
Yabbers · 29/06/2019 18:54

Why would you refund her if her friend damaged it?

Puzzledandpissedoff · 29/06/2019 18:56

I'd be so upset spending £150 for it to arrive damaged

So would I, but that's for her to take up with the guy who damaged it

As a PP said, the original delivery men got it through okay and so could her friend have done if he'd been more careful - the fact he wasn't is nothing to do with you

Original poster
GetMeOffThisCycleOfMisery · 29/06/2019 18:56

@Yabbers because I feel bad for her. She didn't seem well off. Not that I am either.

OP posts:
Original poster
GetMeOffThisCycleOfMisery · 29/06/2019 18:56

@Puzzledandpissedoff thank you.

OP posts:
Puzzledandpissedoff · 29/06/2019 18:57

A bit of super glue, a black sharpie and a nice throw, no one will know

Yes, and this ^ If her present furniture's in such^ a state I doubt she'll worry about some small repairs, and she's still got a bargain for a 1 year old sofa

Dangermouse80 · 29/06/2019 18:58

Don't refund - it is entirely down to her friends.

CheckingOutTheQuantocks · 29/06/2019 18:59

The sofa is still useable, though - it's largely cosmetic damage which could be hidden by putting it up against a wall or, as pp suggested, chucking a throw over it. I say this as gently as possible, but are you more upset about seeing your mum's sofa being treated so carelessly than about anything else? It sounds like you would rather not have had to sell her things and it's made you much more sensitive to this situation than you might normally have been.

I have a suggestion if you really, really feel like you want to do something for the buyer. Is there a throw or a blanket in your mum's things that you were planning to sell, that you could offer to this lady to cover the damage?

DixieFlatline · 29/06/2019 19:00

Of course you shouldn't refund any money. That would be you out of pocket - and neither you nor anyone you instructed did the damage. It is not your responsibility.

NavyBerry · 29/06/2019 19:04

This definitely looks like it was damaged when moved. As a buyer I would be annoyed with myself for not taking care of it properly not with the seller. Sorry for your loss!

mazv1953 · 29/06/2019 19:32

Suggest she uses black shoe polish - we did and the results were amazing