To just not give my 7 year old dinner?

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Tl;dr - my son doesn’t care about eating and won’t eat anything new. Help!

I have a son who is a really fussy eater. He's always been the same. He just wants to eat pizza or breaded chicken, or cereal.

He was like this from a really young age. People used to say that he'll eat when he's hungry, but he never seemed to give a shit! He's always been happy to go without a meal, it's like he totally unarsed about eating! He also rarely snacks, and he's equally as fussy about sweet food!

We've tried all the usual things - reward charts, giving him choices, letting him watching tv while he eats, tried being firm with him, being super relaxed about it, but nothing works! He basically decides he doesn’t want to eat it even before he’s tried it. So when he does eat it he just regurgitates it tries one small piece and says he hates it. So he just goes without, which he’s more than happy with.

So now, I’m just giving him whatever he’s very unfussy brother has for dinner. Today was pasta in cheese sauce and peas, he tried one piece as usual, then says he doesn’t like it. So I’ve said nothing else at all then, which is fine with.

Thing is, he can’t just keep missing dinner, which is what is basically going to happen. How can we get past this?

For ref, on a normal day;
1 or 2 bowls of wheatabix or shreddies with full cream milk
Lunch- either marmite sarnies if packed lunch, or small pizza or chicken burger if at home
Dinner- chicken burger or small pizza (depending on what he had for lunch)

An occasional apple or biscuit for a snack.

FYI - no SEN or anything

What can we do? Or what type or professional can we see about this? So at a loss 😩

If it's not in the cupboards, he can't eat it. My son was/is still very fussy. It wasn't easy. But stick to your guns. If they go hungry, they either eat what was served before, or as with us they get carrots or a banana. One particular breakthrough moment was when he was 3 bad yet another evening had passed with him saying he didn't want it without even trying it. Woke up stonkingly hungry at 2am so brought him downstairs and showed him the covered plate. He ate the fish sticks, realised he actually liked them, and was at the age where he then understood that he might actually shock horror like new foods. He still years later is very fussy but we don't push him and he knows he at least must try what he's given. Otherwise it's vegetables or fruit.

I know your son is obviously older but again, if it's not in the cupboards, he can't eat it. Show him the cupboard and what you do have. Have you cooked meals with him yet? Sometimes getting them involved with what they eat helps them at least try new things.

Thanks youjustsoyou, that's good to hear. We've decided no more pizzas or chicken at all now until he can prove he will eat other stuff. I really hope this works.

I'm also so worried about him having any bad associations with food, so never want to force him, although my partner is far keener to force him to eat it. Ahh, so tough!

If it were my child I would make one dinner for the family, let him eat as much or as little as he likes without commenting.
Healthy pudding after like fruit and yoghurt or stewed apples/homemade crumble in winter.

Then I'd offer him plain/boring supper that he'll eat like toast and warm milk/cereal/porridge before bed.

I wouldn't worry if he's a healthy weight and has plenty of energy to play.

As it’s nearly summer I would put a selection of salad bread and cheese on the table as a starter - it smells fresh and he may just pick at it

Then serve dinner - which he eats or doesn’t

There are a few graded exposure based therapies you could google. You can also ask your gp for a referral to a dietition.

However, until he expands his diet, you need to feed him what he'll eat. Micro nutrients are important for development; but so are calories, and you risk him having too few by refusing him.

Thanks all! This is where I'm conflicted- he's really healthy, and has loads of energy, and deep down also feel like he will improve as he gets older. He already has slightly as the years have gone on. So should I deny him a meal?

But he's lack of even wanting to try new things a go is so infuriating!!

Good advice on the salad before dinner. And the therapies, I'll defo google that. Cheers all!

Will he make cakes or help with food prep?

That’s makes kids hungry

You can also get food smells in scents which adds to hunger like fresh bread

There’s kore than one way to skin a cat

Sounds like definitely has issues with food/sensory to me. My ds was almost the same. He has been In OT for 6 months and has done a turnaround. The assessment found that he had many sensory issues. He is much younger though at age 3.
I really dont believe in the approach of he will eat if he is starving.

Google the Satter approach, which is basically that your job, as parents is to provide a nutritious healthy meal and your child’s job is to decide what to eat.

I think that’s a good way to think of it - takes the heat out of it.

There are other things like making sure you’re serving things likely to be accepted so you might do chicken with then some different accompaniments and make sure if you do a meal you know they probably won’t eat that you follow the next day with something they most likely will.

But the biggest rule everyone agrees on is don’t make it a battle; take the pressure off.

I think it's fine if he misses dinner once or twice, especially if he then gets hungry and is given the same dinner to try. It's not okay if he never eats dinner again, obviously. But I would try the shock tactic a couple of times, to see if that helps at all.

Also, I think it's important to learn that we can eat things we don't really like. 'I don't like it' is not sufficient reason not to eat. It's unreasonable for him never to get food that he likes, but not every meal has to be food that he likes.

My dd is the same. She will go hungry rather than eat. We struggle to keep her weight up high enough. This has been her entire life. I’ve struggled with a balance of pushing her limits and keeping her fed.

At the ripe old age of 10, she was finally diagnosed with extremely high functioning autism.

I’ve stopped stressing completely about her picky eating. I now happily make her the same meals over and over again. Life is better for all of us.

I think you need advice from someone whose been through this as saying if it’s not in the cupboard would do nothing to me son. He just wouldn’t eat. My son can equally be not bothered about eating- it’s tough.

I’d take the opposite approach to the one you are doing. I’d cook him what he likes and will eat, with other food available to him if he makes the decision to try it without being offered. Then I’d get rid of all pressure and remove any element of control over the food, and I’d ignore whether he eats it or not.

I had this problem with my 6 year old. What has helped is actually googling what the benefits of each food is. I act very inquisitive and we both find out the health benefits. Then he is more likely to try it. I just say to him all he has to do is try it and put no pressure on him. He becomes so proud of himself when he eats something new.

www.ellynsatterinstitute.org/how-to-feed/the-division-of-responsibility-in-feeding/

Also, to say of everything I have tried this method has been the best for us. He even asked to have cauliflower for dinner the other day. His diet is not as varied as it should be but we are getting there slowly.

As somebody with afrid, I don't agree that if they're hungry enough, they'll eat it. For some children, yes, but not for all

Exactly what NoSquirrels said.

That approach worked with my third and fourth DC.
From being very little my three rules were
Everybody sits at the table
Nobody has to eat anything they don't want to
We don't talk about food we don't like

I would put everything in serving dishes and try and make sure there was something that would be eaten, even if it was just bread and butter. The kids served themselves and we talked about anything but the food. If there was pudding it was served no matter how much main course was eaten but there wasn't always pudding.

I’d take the opposite approach to the one you are doing. I’d cook him what he likes and will eat, with other food available to him if he makes the decision to try it without being offered. Then I’d get rid of all pressure and remove any element of control over the food, and I’d ignore whether he eats it or not.

I do this. I refuse to have food arguments and stress at the table. I now have a 16yo who has a much wider diet than he did when he was 7 (he only ate about 5 things) but we never had any battles, he grew and started to try more foods, now he eats mostly the same as us.

Currently have an under 10 who is fussy. Taking the same approach and hoping it works out. I don't care if he eats the same as me.

Also, I think it's important to learn that we can eat things we don't really like.

Why is this important?

Mine (2 DS both now 17) were like this - they didn't get really into trying anything until we had Hello Fresh and wanted to help me cook it. Not saying you have Hello Fresh - but cooking fresh meals from scratch together helps. I found if they cooked it once with me it became "accepted" and then it was "is this the same as when we did it?" - "yes" then they'd eat it.

I have a similarly fussy eater who’ll just go without if it doesn’t suit. However mine gets moany ans grumpy when hungry so a complete pain in the arse. He’s 12 now and miles better. His big breakthrough was videos on YouTube with people trying different foods. Like, “kids try breakfasts from other countries” - that sort of thing. I don’t know what clicked for him but he’s now miles better at giving stuff a go ( he might not like it but at least he tried). I found that if he at least tries then we’re more willing to make him something else.

Anyway, I heartily recommend videos like that. He found them himself though at around 7-8 years old, don’t know if it’s possible for an uncool adult to introduce them 🤔

Is 2 bowls of cereal not excessive for breakfast? It's prob filling him up
For most of the day?