To just not give my 7 year old dinner?

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Tl;dr - my son doesn’t care about eating and won’t eat anything new. Help!

I have a son who is a really fussy eater. He's always been the same. He just wants to eat pizza or breaded chicken, or cereal.

He was like this from a really young age. People used to say that he'll eat when he's hungry, but he never seemed to give a shit! He's always been happy to go without a meal, it's like he totally unarsed about eating! He also rarely snacks, and he's equally as fussy about sweet food!

We've tried all the usual things - reward charts, giving him choices, letting him watching tv while he eats, tried being firm with him, being super relaxed about it, but nothing works! He basically decides he doesn’t want to eat it even before he’s tried it. So when he does eat it he just regurgitates it tries one small piece and says he hates it. So he just goes without, which he’s more than happy with.

So now, I’m just giving him whatever he’s very unfussy brother has for dinner. Today was pasta in cheese sauce and peas, he tried one piece as usual, then says he doesn’t like it. So I’ve said nothing else at all then, which is fine with.

Thing is, he can’t just keep missing dinner, which is what is basically going to happen. How can we get past this?

For ref, on a normal day;
1 or 2 bowls of wheatabix or shreddies with full cream milk
Lunch- either marmite sarnies if packed lunch, or small pizza or chicken burger if at home
Dinner- chicken burger or small pizza (depending on what he had for lunch)

An occasional apple or biscuit for a snack.

FYI - no SEN or anything

What can we do? Or what type or professional can we see about this? So at a loss 😩

I have been through this. Ds2 is now 12, but when he was younger and your son’s age he had an extremely limited diet. He would also eat pizza, pasta and fishfingers. It’s really not easy but I also refused to have food battles. He would rather starve than eat something he didn’t like. I don’t think those with “normal” children who are just a bit fussy can understand that children can just refuse food for days.
We at least pretended to be relaxed about it and I would cook separate meal for him for years. I got him involved in cooking himself at a quite early age and he started to cook pasta and make pizza and increased his confidence and curiosity around food very gradually. He is still fussy but expanding all the time. Last night he made chicken breasts wrapped in Parma ham and a special sauce for us all so there is hope!

Things I tried to do was to think of his food intake over a week rather than each day and I could see that I had covered all the food groups. I gave him vitamins and all his food was homemade ie I made homemade pizza and pasta sauces, baked bread myself etc

How about you stick to his favourites, but vary them ever so slightly. Could you have a go at making pizza together? Then add a little ham or pineapple or sweetcorn. Get him to cook for the whole family. Try sweet veg such as sweet potato chips, sweetcorn, carrots and peas.

I was like this as a child. My parents tried every tactic under the sun, but simply put if I didn't like it I wouldn't eat. In the end even the go agreed I should just eat what I was prepared to. As an adult I still have some food issues- turned out it's a texture issue with me. But I eat a much wider variety of food than I used to.

I would always offer the same food the family are having but if it becomes a battle and DC is hungry I'd offer a plain alternative like porridge, non sugary cereal etc before bed.

Than ask much guys. So reassuring others have had the same issues.

Really like the idea of going through the foods with him and talking about the benefits of them - I reckon he might respond to that well. Will defo give it a go.

I'm also glad you're all in agreement about not making a big deal about it. Our sons eating winds my DP up, and he will often shout with frustration, which I hate!

anyway,based on what you've all said we've decided to keep giving him small amounts of stuff he likes, along with potatoes and beans or anything else he doesn't eat, but take the pressure off him.

I'm sure it's one of those thing which will just sort itself out and be no problem in few years, but it's so hard not to get really frustrated sometimes 😩

If your child eats nothing to the point of happily losing weight or having other issues like tiredness, time to seek professional advice.

Agree with pp who says talk about the health benefits and risks, ds like hearing about being big, strong, running faster etc. Cut back on the breakfast cereal and the amount of bread at lunch and offer a small amount of chopped banana in with breakfast or small apple (skinned and chopped if necessary) with lunch.

For dinner give him child sized portion of homemade chicken nuggets or homemade pizza with veg in fresh sauce, but also a tiny bit of veg/salad, 2-3 small mouthfuls at most to begin with (couple of slices of carrot and forkful of peas) and insist they are eaten near the beginning of the meal using a reward of he can do x after dinner. Tell them to try eating it together with something. Make sure you and dh model healthy eating. Praise success. As he gets used to veg increases quantities slowly, if he starts to "like" carrots always give carrots and a little bit of something else. Tell him you can see the difference and he is already looking healthier - hair shinier, teeth stronger.

Once they have decided they dont like things it's tough to get them to eat it as it's a mental challenge for them so keep it very small to begin with and strongly praise every success even it they gag down a single slice of carrot.

This probably won’t help, OP, but DD was like this until she was 16. She then went on holiday to South Korea to see a friend, and she came back reformed! They had eaten mostly with friends and family, and she knew it would have been considered very rude to refuse anything she was given.

She is now an amazing cook and has an really wide repertoire of foods she makes and eats. We just had to be really, really patient

I was this child

Squirrels and Notso are spot on in my view. I grew out of it but I'm sure I caused a lot of grey hairs for my parents!

Be careful with the if he is hungry he will eat approach. My mum tried this and I lost so much weight I ended up under consultant care. I will still go hungry rather than eat something I don't like. I also have texture issues with food. However, even though the consultant told my mum to feed me what I would eat and she did, I now eat almost everything.

I think your approach sounds good, a small amount of things he will eat and then get him to try one new thing a time. Don't react if he doesn't like it, just keep introducing things and also very how they are cooked e.g. if the family is having veg try nearly raw veg one day and streamed the next.

The biggest thing that affected me was people making a big deal over me eating. My mum would just put stuff out and let me eat what I wanted and gradually I tried new things once there was no pressure and also because there would always be something on the table I liked

It looks like he has a good breakfast so he is getting one good meal a day! My brother in law was like this when he was little but MIL was told as long as he has one good meal a day then not to worry too much about the other meals.
We foster and we have a one dinner policy. I have six kids in my home in total and I will only cook one dinner each evening. If they don't eat it there is nothing else until breakfast. He won't starve and will eat if hungry enough, just make sure that there is something you know he will eat on the plate so he can have something even if he doesn't like the meal, for example my birth daughter always gets sweet corn on her plate as I know this is one thing she will always eat.

like wotsittoyou, I have some experience using graded aversion therapy, with the help of a dietician and specialist psychologist.
One of my kids had feeding aversion (secondary to severe silent reflux and upper GI inflammation, so he'd experienced food causing pain, hence the aversion). Basically it's about serving what they'll eat (for the calories) and relentlessly (but in a totally unpressured way) putting tiny amounts of what you'd like them to eat either on their plate, or making available at other times. So, for e.g., 1/2 a pea. The idea is that they may start to touch it, lick it etc. but even having it there is starting to desensitise them. Can take up to 17 times serving up a food. We were a bit haphazard about it (working mum!) but it is gradually working. Long game though!

Make one meal but set it out in bowls to self serve. so say potatoes, 2 or 3 different veg and chicken/fish. Let him help himself. Do not allow anything else to be eaten from the kitchen. The message will get through and he will have some control over what is on his plate.

I would get him double and triple checked for any issues around food. He sounds similar to my nephew who still at 14 has major food issues. His seem to be sensory as he cannot tolerate certain textures.

The problem came when he got older, refused to eat, for terribly hangry and threw the most awful, violent, destructive tantrums.

He's taller and stronger than his mum now and they are worried he'll hurt her.

Hang in there OP. I know where you are coming from. That diet sounds almost identical to what one of my dc was eating - it was years of hell, but dc is now a young adult and eats normally. Well, almost.

Oh, and google ARFID and see if any of that clicks with you.

As above google AFRID and look into Division of Responsibilty. It may not magically make your child eat everything but it will remove the stress for everyone.

My dd was the same. She is getting better, she’s 11. Getting angry or starving a child doesn’t help as you know. Dd liked what I called picnics, where she had an array of cold / cooked finger foods. Very simple stuff and nothing touched as it was in individual bowls it appealed to perhaps her as the food didn’t touch and she could pick what she wanted. Apart from that, she only liked very few foods. She’d eat broccoli but just the tips and squashed and mixed in with the nuggets. So maybe you haven’t found the thing your ds will eat. Lots of kids will eat peas or sweet corn. Have you tried corn on the cob for example?

Guys, thank you all so much. It's so good to hear your stories and advice. I feel quite reassured which isn't what I was expecting, so that's really nice.

The thing about 1/2 a pea is interesting, as he will eat peas if it's only 5 (or a small number)! It always seemed pointless to me, but if you can start from as small as a 1/2 then we'll defo keep that up.

I also do wonder if it's any way sensory, so looking into OT's as well, if nothing improves over the next few months.

The fact we both works makes it hard to do anything consistently too, which also makes it hard to keep stuff up.

But this is all really great, thank again!

When I was a child, I wouldn't eat most things - a really fussy eater. Doctor said to my parents - just leave her, she will eat when hungry. It's true. Don't mollycoddle - the child will eat when hungry.

The stuff about AFRIDis interesting too. I'll look into that a bit more- thanks those who suggested.

Thanks too mummyoflittledragon. He will eat the tips of broccoli, and a very few number of peas. So maybe thatS all fine too.
Never tried sweet corn though, so will give that a go.

My dd was like this it drove me insane we just kept offering different food usually once a week she had to try something new she didn't have a say though we provided dinner she ate it or not . She is now mid 20s and eats most things she lives in her own place instagramming her delicious creations whilst I eyeroll remembering the breaded chicken.

It's called food neo-phobia, OP. He needs to eat even if it's the same thing every day.

I could have written this post about my soon to be 6 yo.

Only difference is, annoyingly for me, but saving grace for my sanity, my son will eat school dinners. He begs for sandwiches but as he eats things he won't touch at home, I know he's having a varied diet at school.

Today I made sausage and egg muffins for breakfast. He wanted dry bread. We went to a church fete with a BBQ, he refused lunch. He had a pack of crisps as a snack, tea tonight he refused sausage and mash for tea which he normally will eat.

I keep telling myself he won't let himself starve, but wonder how to change this pattern.

A lot of children with autism can have extremely limited diets. Not trying to do an armchair diagnosis here! For these children it isn’t a case of they will eat when they are hungry because they simply won’t. But for them the first thing is calories - make sure he gets enough even if that is chicken nuggets for breakfast lunch and dinner. Vitamin and mineral supplements may be an idea if he accepts it. After that introduce new foods slowly - not hidden or mixed in (or may put them off some foods they do eat). On the side with rewards for any interest show even if just smelling (though some kids better no rewards and just ignore but offer again at next meal).

Often bland, beige, mushy is most accepted so may be try to expand the diet from this?

I feel your frustration @blankittyblank 😫 My dd is a “supertaster” (we didn’t know until she was a teen), has sensory issues with textures and smells and also has Joint Hypermobility Syndrome with some gastric issues. She’s now 19 and at Uni and is gradually opening up her repertoire of foods but even now, the only thing she’ll have in a sandwich is ham or plain cooked chicken. Fortunately she loves fruit, veg and salads (no dressing EVER) and has a very healthy diet but the range of foods she would try has always been very limited - like a toddler in some respects. Going to Uni has definitely helped but I’m sure that seems like a long way off!

With hindsight I wish I’d known about her supertaster/sensory issues /JHS much earlier and saved us all a lot of anxiety. I definitely would have stressed less so if you think your DS might have any sensory issues or anything that could explain his issues with food, I’d get him assessed.