How do you deal with not being invited to things?

[liko]

For example it's your (close) friend's little boy's second birthday. They're having a massive party in their garden for him. All their friends invited. Apart from me. Very weird. We speak all the time. I have a child the same age.

Would you even bother saying anything and seeming needy and upset? Or just act like you don't care?

That is weird. Have you said - what are you doing for your son's birthday? And seeing what she says?

@OwlinaTree I've spoke to her via text and she's said it's son's birthday party today, so glad the weather is nice. I just said wish him a happy birthday from me and my child/DH.

Just go and do something else. Take you dc & a picnic, and spend a beautiful day together

I don't know why I feel so hurt by it. It's such a weird feeling and I'm not a jealous person by any means. It's just, ouch,

Hummm. That's a shame. I'd be upset by that too. Maybe time to focus on other friends.

Get new friends.

This is so weird I honestly think I’d have to ask. Are you certain it isn’t a mistake and you have been invited? Maybe she feels awkward because she thinks you’re not bothering to come

Definitely haven't been invited!

Do your children get on? Is your child generally well behaved?

Is it possible she sent you an invitation via whatsapp/FB/Telegram and you haven't seen it?

How do you know lots of friends are invited and it's not mainly family?

I would 'act' like I don't care, even though I'd be hurt and confused. In future I would adjust the so called friendship as she is giving you a clear message that you are not as close a friend as you thought.

Clutching at straws, perhaps you're in a different friendship group?
Her loss OP. Do something nice with your son today.

Why wouldn’t you ask “where’s my invite”? If it’s a close friend, that’s what I’d do.

I’ve been here recently. Our ‘group’ had two parties over a week, put all the pictures up on Facebook that showed literally everyone was invited but us - it was bizarre and hurtful. All of them still very friendly to us otherwise. I may have passive-aggressively commented on one picture ‘looks like you all had fun’, but it totally went over their heads. Transpired they have a FB group where they arrange all these things, so as a non-user I can’t be expected to be invited by other means, like text or face to face .

@OneStepSideways yep they get on fine. My son is really well behaved. Fairly shy. Lovely boy and really easy company.

The way she worded her text was definitely clear that we aren't invited. Almost informing me that they're having a small gathering today.

Instagram says differently. There are at least 60 people there and loads of kids.

*by FB group I mean the messenger app, as apparently using a WhatsApp group is too much of a faff.

What I do is start with "everyone hates me" then I move as quickly as I can to "fuck them, I'm awesome"

Then you don't dwell on it too much and depending on the specific circumstances you put the friend into the B team.

It is bizarre. I'd understand if you didn't have kids but it seems strange if you have DCs the same age.
I think I'd have to ask.

Just say "oh Instagram looks like you're having lots of fun - where's my invite? 😜"
Comes across jokey enough but still means she'll need to give you an answer

Same as Yabbers I would have asked.

Is there anyone there that you don't really get on with or anything like that? Or is it different friends of hers that you don't know?

Fgs just ask her. I like the jokey responses above

That does seem bizarre, especially with you seeing each other so often and your DC playing together regularly. And very unkind to rub your nose in it by telling you about it yet not inviting you. I like the suggestion of asking in a jokey way.

Then do something nice with your DS instead.

You are not as close as you like to think you are.... Start backing off. This happens and yes it is very uncomfortable. It has happened to me. I never asked in a jokey manner about my invite because if the didn't invite me in the first place then they don't want me there and who wants to go somewhere like that.

Do your own thing, day out, picnic, adventure stuff, make some memories of your own. And leave them to it, do you know what? It's their loss...

How odd.
I usually am a bit upset and then shrug it off after a couple of days, but I can usually rationalise it. In your case I find it very odd. Do you think you’re in her ‘friendship group’? When it was my 40th for example I didn’t invite everyone as some people were just those I saw for coffee occasionally/didn’t know anyone else and not in a particular group. I would’ve been surprised if they’d expected an invite but maybe they were offended.
Equally I wasn’t invited to someone’s 40th and I was pretty offended and I only found out about it through FB. One can’t account for everyone’s decisions in life.

In most cases this isn't the kind of thing that would bother me; it isn't always possible to invite everyone and unless this was someone I was very close to it's not something that would cause offence.

In this situation, I'd say the omission is more than a bit pointed; even more so in view of the exchange of text messages in which a reaction of some kind was clearly expected from you (and well done you, for not giving her one). For reasons best-known to themselves this 'friend' wants to give you a covert, passive-aggressive snub. Not only that, but they want to make you aware they're giving you a covert, passive-aggressive snub, without actually having the nous or the courage to come out and state openly what it is that's pissed them off.

I despise people who indulge in this kind of behaviour; not only because of their childishness but because it's also essentially cowardice. My response is not to entertain it. I don't have either time or inclination to dance to the tune of other people's silly mind-games. Back off and let this petty, immature woman play by herself (always the reaction they most hate).

In this situation, I'd say the omission is more than a bit pointed; even more so in view of the exchange of text messages in which a reaction of some kind was clearly expected from you (and well done you, for not giving her one)

I agree with this. Why mention the party to you at all if she isn't inviting you?

It sounds as if you could do with better friends.

* pick up this - All their friends invited. Apart from me - their friends not our (mutual) friends> You may be her friend - but are you part of her regular social group? What I mean is, do you actually regularly socialise with all the people in the pictures on her insta? Do you regularly go out for meals with these people, go to their house parties, etc

Eg if I were friendly with a school gate mum, I wouldn't be expected to be invited to her party unless all the other school gate mums were.

But if you are an active part of a wider social set, then it is odd. My guess is that we all have levels of friendship tiers and you don't fit the mix with this one, for what ever reason. A lot of people do segregate their friendship groups.