This is rude..... right?

[Kelsoooo]

DDS birthday party today.

Invites sent out four weeks ago, with RSVP of 17/6 on.

15 kids invited....7 parents have bothered to reply.

Luckily the venue have been awesome, as long as I pay for the minimum amount attending, they'll prep for the full 15 just in case.

How hard is it to send a text to accept/decline?

If they'd declined, fine we would have invited other kids....some new girls started in her class this week, it would have been lovely to invite them for example.

I just don't get it, I always reply the same day. I think it's so rude and makes things so much harder

For example, I have no idea if the birthday cake is big enough, if only seven come.... it is....if more come it isn't (I ordered a cake to serve 16 apparently, no way on earth will it).

So AIBU to think that not replying to an invite is just plain rude?

Did you follow up? Maybe they thought the invite was to save face and didn’t think to really consider it an invite

Mummoo what are you on about??

Yes it's rude. YANBU OP. I bet loads of them will still turn up too.

Rude and perfectly normal I'm afraid. Most venues are used to it too so are usually quite flexible. Expect some kids to turn up that haven't RSVP'd. Then you'll probably fill in the no shows with uninvited siblings. Fun fun fun.

I hate when people do this. YADNBU. It’s very inconsiderate

Maybe they thought the invite was to save face and didn’t think to really consider it an invite

What the hell does that even mean? "Save face"? Wtf?

@Mummoomoocow, I don't know anyone who sends invites to save face and then expects to follow them up to confirm it's a real invite. That sounds odd to me. Is this a thing?

@Kelsoooo yes very rude of them not to RSVP. Did you chase for a response? Maybe the invite is in the children's school bag still and didn't make it to the parents?

Did you follow up? Maybe they thought the invite was to save face and didn’t think to really consider it an invite

Eh? How many times do you need to be invited before you believe it?

Yes, very rude, but to be expected. I chance up about half the class for an answer and even then people turn up who said they would not and vice verse.

BaHa No it's not a thing! Perhaps Moo means, as a "save the date" or something? Because I can't work out why someone would send invitations to "Save face" that's when you do something to save yourself embarrassment!

"Oh must send these invitations...or I'll be embarrassed...no need to reply, it's just to save face"

Nope.

Very rude, but sadly typical these days. So few RSVP to decline now, they just don't reply. I learnt that no reply meant they weren't coming, so I only counted the acceptances.

Very rude and happens alllllllll the time these days. I dread kids parties for that exact reason! For Ds 5 a few years ago we invited the whole class. Out of the 30!invited 12 RSVP and then on the day 28 in total! Cake wasn't big enough and not enough party bags ... oh and some brought siblings too even tho the invite said I couldn't host siblings this time ... (usually I'm fine with siblings coming but this party couldn't host them!!)

I've given up with traditional invites. This year I got the parent's numbers, set up a what's app group and gave details out that way and got firm answers. I could then remind with final details and confirm everything - removing those who couldn't make it. Simple! (almost!)

Ugh... I hate this. It's worse if your child had a summer birthday as it ends up being how the weather is on the day for many ie they want to keep options open to do sth else but the party will do if weather is bad. It's infuriating, but that will be why they haven't texted. You'll get at least one text half an hour before party starts if poor weather

It's very rude. I always aim to reply immediately. Personally I would struggle not to greet the non RSVPers with a "Oh I'm glad little Bobby could make it, we thought he wasn't coming!"
"Hello Francesca! We had no idea you were coming! Great to see you"
It won't do much for your party but maybe they'll think better of their bad manners for the next poor parent throwing a kids party.

How old are the kids?
Sometimes I have missed invites in the book bags and have been late replying. I always do eventually but can see how they would be missed.

Yanbu it is so rude! I've had parties before where we had to pay per head and we ended up spending a fortune on kids who didn't turn up. I always give the benefit of the doubt and look out for parents in the playground in case the invitation has been lost or forgotten about but it's not always possible in the mayhem of school pick up time.

I don't think everyone does it deliberately. They get the invite and think 'oh I'll see if we are free' then forget about it I expect.

I think invitations nowadays should read "If I don't get a message from you to confirm your child will be coming, I will assume they're not."

I'm sorry this is happening to you. Yes, it is rude, but identifying it as rude only gets you so far, it doesn't make you feel better Try to refocus on the great things about the celebration.

DS is in Year 2 and there's a parents' group WhatsApp (which admittedly I mute permanently as it seems to generate endless unecessary conversations about PE kits and homework presentation), but this means that parents sending out party invitations just get your contacts from the group chat and start a new group called 'X's party' and send the invitations that way. No worries about whether someone missed a paper invitation in a school bag, better rate of RSVP ing and easy to send reminders directly to any non-responders.

I find it particularly useful because I don't usually do drop-offs and pick-ups and don't know many of school parents.

Sorry, which doesn't help you, OP, but as an idea for another time?

Yes, it is rude, but from Mn threads, it's far from unusual. It hasn't happened to us, but I think in part, that's because of WhatsApp invitations being the norm at DS's school.

YANBU it really bugs me. I sent 9 invites to nursery last week, only 4 have bothered to reply. I think people typically only reply if they are coming these days but it would be nice to get a message either way.

It is rude, and seems to be getting more and more common. You also seem to end up with “no’s” who show up, “ yes’s” that don’t, and about 50/50 from those that didn’t reply at all. Or that was the case the last time I tried a school friends party. (Glad those days are behind me now!) It’s like the more ways we develop to communicate, the worse we become at it. And I say that as an introvert who hates picking up the phone, and will always text if that’s an option!
Op I hope your ds enjoys the party regardless. x

The WhatsApp group would be a good idea for next year, how on earth do I sort that out?

They’re 7, so possibly kids have left in book bags. And I rarely do drop off/collection but made a point of doing it each week this last month, and on her actual birthday she took sweets in to hand out after class (all the kids do generally, and I figured it might prompt some parents)

Ultimately she won’t care, so therefore I don’t. I just think it’s so rude, and it’s a bloody beautiful day here which makes me inclined to think even les will come,

It's rude and annoying, but sadly common.

Some invites may be lost I agree.

If you have parents numbers then the new fashion is to send an invite out via a group WhatsApp message. They have 100% response rates in my experience.