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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be irritated by DH

34 replies

literategiraffe · 29/06/2019 04:07

DH has just stomped out of our bedroom and gone downstairs to the spare room to sleep. I can hear him throwing things off the spare bed in a huff. Presumably because I poked him to stop him snoring and startling our 12 wk old DD who I am currently feeding and trying to settle to go back into her cot.

DD is having a bit of a fussy day. Nothing too worrying she's just a bit quicker to cry and less easy to settle than normal. She's not ill (thank goodness) and has generally been ok but her night time nappy change has been louder and she's woken DH twice tonight. Usually he sleeps through everything, happily snoring away, and I am forever nudging, prodding, poking, shoving him to get him to move positions or just shut up! (This issue predates DD but his doctor has been pretty unhelpful and it seems we just have to live with it). If his snoring is not startling DD it's keeping me awake once I've put her down and I'm at my limit.

I'm so annoyed that he's stomped off in a huff because he's been wakened and then poked to stop snoring when I've not slept for longer than 4hrs in one go since DD was born!
AIBU or is he? Should I just put up with his snoring so we can share a bed? I've said to him before that if he wants a guaranteed uninterrupted sleep he should sleep in the spare room and he has when he's had important things on the next day, he's said he doesn't want to do it too often since "it sets a bad precedence".

OP posts:
araiwa · 29/06/2019 04:08

Hes done the thing you told him to do and youre pissed off?

louisvootin · 29/06/2019 04:10

listening to my dh snore actually make me feel murderous. i listen to it for so long then i take the rage big time

snitzelvoncrumb · 29/06/2019 04:14

Don't stress he is probably just tired, and as you know men turn in to winey little toddlers when tired/hungry/sick/a light breeze bothers them. Keep nicely suggesting he sleeps in the spare room as the baby will wake and you will keep waking him if he snores. I hope you get some sleep!

Weenurse · 29/06/2019 04:23

Is his snoring positional?
If he snores on his back but not on his side, sew a tennis ball into a pouch on the back of his PJ’s. This stops rolling onto back in sleep.
I have also seen snoring collars, but am not sure how they work.
Is he overweight or does he drink alcohol before bed, they will contribute to snoring.
Also nose strips to stop snoring have had some positive feedback.
Good luck

newmomof1 · 29/06/2019 04:26

I'd be glad he's pissed off so you can get some sleep!

soberken · 29/06/2019 04:26

I left my ex due to snoring. Genuinely made me feel murderous. I prob slept once a week. It was HELL.

GPatz · 29/06/2019 04:30

Does DH not help out at night at all?

Original poster
literategiraffe · 29/06/2019 05:00

@araiwa I'm more annoyed that he's stomped off in a huff. If he'd just said he was going to sleep downstairs or even said nothing at all I wouldn't mind.

@Weenurse he snores in any and all positions but usually a nudge prompts him to move and the snoring stops for a bit, rinse and repeat. He rarely drinks alcohol these days and he's not very overweight. We've tried the nose strips with limited success but might look into the collar, I've never heard of those! Is it like a shock collar do you think? 😂

@GPatz nope he doesn't help out at night. Since I'm ebf DD I have to wake anyway (She has an impressive appetite some nights!) and it's such a hassle to do a bottle since our bedroom is the top floor of a 3 story and the kitchen on ground floor, by the time you have the bottle sorted DD is in full meltdown mode and it takes so much longer to settle her.
Not to mention the fact that she has to be yelling for him to wake up in the first place so again she'll already be in meltdown mode and I'd be awake anyway by that point.

I just know that he'll be in a mood tomorrow now and any discussion will focus on him. He seems to take my grumpy-ness personally when it's solely due to sleep deprivation. I don't think he realises how lucky he is not to have been smothered in the last few weeks!

OP posts:
k1233 · 29/06/2019 05:45

LOL at the shock collar Grin father snored like a chainsaw and went out with a snorer for a while - yeah, nothing worse! Shock collar would have been marvelous LOL

SundaeMorning · 29/06/2019 05:53

Like a sleep expert on TV said recently, a massive no. Of people get a sleep divorce to prevent a real one. Cant understand people whose partners snore like drills but insist on sleeping with them in same room. Its great getting full nights sleep. Couldnt go back to being woken up 23 times a night.

HappenedForAReisling · 29/06/2019 06:10

If he's a serial snorer tell him to see a doctor. It's not his fault he snores but there might be a cure for it (I'm the snorer and CPAP is my friend).

Bigmango · 29/06/2019 06:24

Just tell him to sleep in the other room if he’s gonna be such a drama queen.

smashamasha · 29/06/2019 06:26

@araiwa

Not helpful

dragonway · 29/06/2019 06:35

It’s all well and good for him to say it sets a bad precedence but he’s not the one being kept awake by snoring! You need sleep. Get it however you can get it. End of. He’ll have to suck down the emo drama.

QueenBeee · 29/06/2019 06:48

If you bit his head off in loud rage at the first selfpitying sigh from him in the morning, Explaining in no uncertain terms you haven't had more than 4 hours sleep for the last x weeks and if he is unable to give you any support for this he can go away.
It would make him more sensitive.
It sounds like you pussy foot around your feelings, and his phrase about setting a precedent pussy foots around his feelings.
Def try the tennis ball or a cotton reel on pj back after the dust has settled.

user1480880826 · 29/06/2019 07:06

It’s a miracle you’ve shared a bed for this long. It is totally unreasonable of him to expect you to put of with snoring whilst looking after a newborn baby. You should have asked him to sleep in the spare room weeks ago. My husband moved to the spare room for about 3 months when our baby was born because there was no point us bother being totally sleep deprived.

LL83 · 29/06/2019 07:12

Yanbu.

But it's the middle of the night and he has had a disturbed sleep and is moving (as he should) moving with a good attitude is possibly too much too ask. If he is annoyed tomorrow that is very unreasonable.

Silent night anti snore pillow worked for us.

LashesZ · 29/06/2019 10:40

We have the exact same problem, I usually wear ear plugs but can't because of DD. I bought these nose cage things off of Amazon that are silicone cylinders that go in his nose and they do tend to keep his snoring a little quieter (plus he looks like a bull which gives me a giggle).

madcatladyforever · 29/06/2019 10:50

Yet another selfish grumpy man who needs a saucepan to the back of the head. Preferable a le crueset. Not condoning violence or anything, it's just a fantasy I have from time to time.

Unable to recognise you get no sleep and doesn't care for anything but his own comfort.

Needs a reality check.

SeaToSki · 29/06/2019 11:05

Google the nora snoring assistant thingy. Its meant to be really good

Yabbers · 29/06/2019 11:10

Separate rooms saved our marriage. He snores very loudly. I can’t sleep because of it and was exhausted.

Tell him the bad precedent is already there because you resent him, you won’t if he is in the spare room.

Yabbers · 29/06/2019 11:12

If he's a serial snorer tell him to see a doctor.
Did you not read this? This issue predates DD but his doctor has been pretty unhelpful and it seems we just have to live with it

Ivehadthisnamemostofmylife · 29/06/2019 11:13

My baby is 17 weeks old. My husband has been sleeping in the spare room for about 7 weeks because I was fed up of his snoring. It was supposed to be on the condition that he then gets up an hour earlier so i can rest (baby has been waking every couple of hours to feed). It doesn't set a precedence, it means everyone is slightly happier and rested for a while, they're not babies forever and before you know it they will be in their own room x

Weenurse · 29/06/2019 23:56

Night shirt snoring sleep aid positioner. This is the device a patient used recently. He and his wife swore by it. It is not cheep though.

Cherrysoup · 30/06/2019 00:02

I'm forever going to the spare room due to DH snoring. No way can I sleep when he's snoring.