Blended family holiday finances

[Anuta77]

Hello,
my DP is Cuban and needs to go to Cuba to treat a dental problem that is very expensive where we live. He would need to go for about 2 weeks.
He's expecting me and our toddler to go too. Obviously, I pay for my own ticket (the toddler doesn't go to the daycare yet, so I only work part time, but we pay all household expenses 50/50). I also have a son from previous relationship and I would either have to pay for his ticket (his father abandoned him, so no maintenance at all) or he would stay with my mom who works part time. My older son is not excited about going.

We would be staying in his mother's house (she will be there too, as well as his niece who's crazy about meeting our toddler) in the suburbs of Havana, where there's not much to do. He says that between treatments, we can do things. I know we will also have to travel to another city to visit his other family, which is also a cost (I pay for my own tickets).

I also know that my DP always takes his computer as he's a freelance worker, so he will be working sometimes to "compensate" for the costs.

I'm not very excited about going. Summer is short and beautiful where we live. Cuba is very hot and I don't feel that the rewards are worth the money spent in this particular case. It will also be close to the beginning of school, so I'll have to be there if my older son is not going with me. My excuse to him is that I don't have enough money. I do have some savings, but I also have costs.

My DP says that I do have money (example: I go to a therapist and bring my son to a psychologist, just bought us a piano), so it's not an excuse and I need to stop being negative.

My DP never thought about contributing to my son's ticket when we travelled to Cuba, yet he pays maintenance to his ex for his EX STEP SON who is 18 this year and is old enough to work (his own sons started working at 16), so it's the same thing: if he has the money to help out the ex wife, he could find the money to help me with my son.

He says that I'm being unreasonable, because he contributes to our household by doing all the renovations and he doesn't do anything for the ex wife and he pays 50% of our household expenses, so he doesn't need to contribute also for the tickets.

What. An. Arsehole. (Do you say asshole in Canada the same as America?)

The way the childcare and finances are split would be enough for me to want out of the relationship never mind the holiday!

Why are you going?

You don’t want to spend the money and you’re not the one having dental work. Stay at home.

Save your money and start making plans to leave. This man is not a good partner or father.

A woman should always have her own savings that her partner/husband does not know about and cannot access.

haha, I wish I knew that before. My ex also considered that I had money, so no child support from him. Canadian gouvernement pays mothers (generally) child benefits, while he's not getting any (his exes are). So, it is very helpful and it becomes complicated figuring out everybody's contributions.

The house is ours 50/50.

The problem with ex SS is that he failed one year of school (because of playing videogames), so he's still in secondary school for another year (will graduate at 19), then who knows what he'll do. His mother is super nice with my DP, so I suppose it contributes to my DP feelings that he has to support him and there's no end date. Unfortunately, I'm not one of these "sweet" women who know how to make a man feel protective, so I always lose out.

So, it's decided, I'm not going to Cuba, I'd rather spend my money going to a spa and enjoy less cooking lol. Having said this, I feel a bit bad for him, it's sad when your partner is not interested in going on vacation with you.

What. An. Arsehole. (Do you say asshole in Canada the same as America?)

Yes, it's asshole too, but I'm from the French part...:)

Erm, excuse me, but he pays maintenance for his exes kid who isn't his, and is old enough to work and support themselves to a degree, but refuses to pay towards a child's expenses who is his current partners child and more vulnerable because he can't go out and get a little job to pay for any of his expenses?

The whole man needs throwing away.

The information above is enough.

But the dental treatment in Cuba, massive fucking excuse.
Tell me how the flight to Cuba is saving him thousands in dental bills please versus paying here, I'm intrigued how he manages that.

I’m glad you’ve made a decision OP and thank you for answering my question!

I can see that going to Cuba for dental treatment would save lots of money, I know people that fly back to Eastern Europe every year for their checkups because it is cheaper than the US even with flights.
But that doesn't mean that you should spend your money on a holiday that you don't want to have.
Tell them that he is welcome to go for his medical trip but that you don't want to come with him. It isn't a proper family vacation.
You have made it through the winter now isn't the time to leave Canada.

What the fuck do you see in this man?

Completely irrelevant to the post but why haven't you taken ex to court for child support for your son? I'm Canadian too and it was quite easy for me. Court ordered, deducted from pay.

My ex moved back to his own country, so there's no legal way unfortunately.