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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be horrified the NHS classes 5yo DD as overweight?

655 replies

mommathatwearspink · 28/06/2019 16:32

DD (5) had her school night and weight check at school earlier in the week. Received a letter today saying that she is on the 94th percentile and classes as overweight for her age and height.

Im horrified! She doesn’t look overweight, does gymnastics and swimming each week, doesn’t over eat, treats are limited and I cook healthy meals from scratch most days. What the hell am I doing wrong???

OP posts:
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9
bruffin · 01/07/2019 06:27

I am a qualified nutritionist and PT.
Obviously I'm not giving a professional opinion here, based on a photo-as we all know how pictures can lie, but I don't think your DS looks overweight, certainly not enough to consider any major changes.
There are no professional qualifications for nutritionist , there you can't give a "professional" opinion anyway. Anyone can call themselves a nutritionist. A dietician is a protected profession and can give a professional opinion

myself2020 · 01/07/2019 06:27

@Squiz81 he‘s on the chunky side. this pose pretty much minimises all visible fat, and he‘s still padded. He‘s young though, so with minimal changes in his food intake and your family lifestyle, its an easy fix and he will never kniw.

myself2020 · 01/07/2019 06:28

impossible to say from a photo if he‘s 75th or 94th percentile though! and that difference is important

RiddleyW · 01/07/2019 06:36

I do think it’s hard to tell from pictures. I don’t think Squiz’ DS looks massive different to mine who is 21st centile BMI. Certainly can’t see all of DS’ ribs and he’s under consultant care because they want to keep an eye on his BMI.

I suppose what I take from that is that you really do just have to go by the numbers.

MaryPopppins · 01/07/2019 07:18

Squid that's the exact pose you'd stand in to look your slimmest though.

I'm used to my healthy weigh DC and it would be a bone fest if they stood like that I'm afraid.

So on comparison to that I'd say he's definitely overweight.

Does he wear the right clothes size for his age?

transformandriseup · 01/07/2019 07:19

At the end of year 6 (1999) I was 5ft 2 and 8st. In photos some might say I was slim as I had no visable fat. The reality though was despite being very active I ate sweets/chocolate/ice cream almost everyday and that I was a stone heavier than the second heaviest in the class and the belt on my school dress dug in. Now I see much bigger children of the same age everyday and find it hard to place my 11 year old self among them.

There was also a larger girl in my class (possible the largest in the school) who refused to be weighed. She had a small amount of visable fat but her parents couldn’t get school uniform to fit her. Now she wouldnt look that big because I see children of her size everyday.

Squiz81 · 01/07/2019 08:12

I appreciate that's not the best photo, I just snapped it as he'd stripped to his pants in the garden so it was a good opportunity, he wouldn't stay still long enough to get a normal pose. This is another shot which is maybe better.
He is solid, his older brother (7) is much thinner but has a different body shape too. He can lean towards laziness, for example asking to be carried if we walk a long way. I took him to the park to play football this weekend, and he ends up pottering about foraging instead (I do love that about him thoughSmile)

I was gutted to get the the letter about him to be honest. I've always been baffled how parents can allow their children to become obese, so to think I was being one of the parents was a bit mortifying.

StealthPolarBear · 01/07/2019 08:24

Squiz it's early intervention though. As a pp has said, at a point where small changes can be made and make a difference. I'm sorry you feel bad but you have a happy, healthy child who maybe needs a little more exercise (I'm not at all qualified to comment, just going on what you've said) - that's success as a parent.

LaurieMarlow · 01/07/2019 08:30

Squiz don’t be hard on yourself. A lot of it comes down to the fact that we’ve lost sight of what healthy body shapes should look like.

Your reaction to the letter is the main thing. You’re being mature and sensible about it and there are lots of things you can do to tackle it now.

Sirzy · 01/07/2019 08:32

I think squiz is proving a very valuable point. She has been able to take the letter and use it sensibly and not so what so many and bury their head in the sand when they child is at the “stocky” point and then it later carry into a bigger issue.

That’s how the letter should be treated and I am sure in 20 years your son will thank you for making small changes now.

WreckTangled · 01/07/2019 08:38

I agree. If only everyone thought like squiz instead of saying 'what a load of shit just bin it'.

myself2020 · 01/07/2019 08:45

@Squiz81 don’t be hard on yourself. you got the letter, you are going to act on it, and he will never know it has ever been an issue. at this early age, it doesn’t take much to change things, and you‘ll set him up for a healthy youth. You are doing the right thing - parents can’t know everything!
My oldest is very, very slim, my youngest - not so much. due to my youngest‘s love of food we had to change eating patterns in our house - and its doing all of us good :)

Camomila · 01/07/2019 08:57

BearRabbitPants DS is on the 39th percentile (so pretty average) and you can pretty much see all his ribs and spine. OTOH he still has those cute chubby toddler things.
I agree with the PP who said said body type will have something to do with it, I'm 10 weeks pg atm (so no waist definition, beginnings of a bump) but if I stand side on you can still see my ribs.

I guess some people have more sticky out rib cages than others?

Squiz81 · 01/07/2019 09:39

Thanks.

It's hard when you have one very lean child and one that you have to be more aware of what they eat. But i like the point that @maybe2020 made that you've changed eating patterns as a family and you've all benefited.

CecilyP · 01/07/2019 10:43

I've always been baffled how parents can allow their children to become obese, so to think I was being one of the parents was a bit mortifying.

Honestly, Squiz, they're not saying he is obese; at the 94th centile he is just a couple pounds more than where he would need to be to put him in the healthy range. The letter is just a reminder to keep an eye on food intake and activity levels to ensure he doesn't become really overweight.

jennymanara · 01/07/2019 10:59

But most parents simply do not realise their child is obese. That is why these letters started. So many kids and adults are fat now that it can be easy to not realise.
I really realised when I watched some old street shots from the 1970s in Britain how thinner everyone looked, especially the men.

Handbag101 · 01/07/2019 11:46

No children here of my own but my little niece is massively overweight. Not sure of her weight but she is 11 and is size 18/20 adult clothes. It is heart breaking to see. I'm not close to my sister but I know she has had a couple of letters from the school about the child's weight when she was younger and they got thrown in the bin. Even at 9 years old, she was in a size 14 adult size. It is heart breaking to see. It doesn't help that my sister and brother in law are obese but because my niece plays hockey once a week and has one swimming lesson, they think she is fine. She cannot wear the clothes that all the other girls wear, cannot run around, her stomach overhangs. I wish my sister would have taken advice when she first got the letter. My niece is so aware of her weight now. My sister won't address it and they all seem to just be getting bigger..... But what can we do?!?

Ihatesundays · 01/07/2019 12:10

I think there are also a lot of parents who can see their children are overweight and just don’t think it’s an issue.
There is a girl in DDs class. I would say she is very heavy, she’s got really big arms and legs especially. She does gymnastics and I’ve seen pictures of her with other girls, she’s twice the size of some of them.
Her mum made the comment that her brother ‘has grown out of his weight’ so she will. Her brother certainly took a stretch and has lost weight, however he is still very overweight. Also the girl is very short and is not going to grow that much taller.

DD is not overweight but I do keep an eye. I notice when she puts a bit of weight on her tummy, but often it doesn’t last more than a week. If it did I would start to think it’s something we would need to address.

QueenOfAshes · 01/07/2019 12:22

There are no professional qualifications for nutritionist , there you can't give a "professional" opinion anyway
I'm a RD. I can evaluate and advise professionally based on science and biology, not on photographs and BMIs. I work privately just now, as a nutritionist and PT.

waist to hip ratio is valudated for adults, NOT for children.
As I've already stated on this thread, not when used alone, but if you use it WITH VAI, BAI etc it's fine in children 6+ with no other health problems.

It's hard when you have one very lean child and one that you have to be more aware of what they eat
Different ages and body types will always make this the case. It could well be that as your DS grows he will thin out eating the same. Might be worth finding out his body fat percentage, if your other child has a naturally muscular frame. If he is eating the correct calories for his specifications and his macros and vitamins are suitable for his age, there should be no need to restrict or make any drastic changes.

helpIhateclothesshopping · 01/07/2019 16:42

My friend was livid when she got the same letter for her 5 year old a few years back. She was offered free family gym membership, which she didn't really feel the family needed as she's a fitness instructor, they are quite well off and her son played plenty of sports, including regular rugby sessions. She said she wouldn't mind but if they had looked at him topless they would have seen his 6 pack. They need to use common sense and some kind of fitness test rather than just BMI as it doesn't take percentage body fat into consideration and a lot of
sports people would come out as overweight on the same chart.

Random18 · 01/07/2019 17:35

But her son was not a big rugby player - he was a 5 year old child!!!!

bluebluezoo · 01/07/2019 20:12

a lot of sports people would

5 year old children are not “sports people”.

The fattest kids in dc’s school were the children of a super fit fitness instructor. She’d run to school every day- but the kids would be in a buggy, even past school age. Presumably they were to slow or it was too far to walk, or she got more of a work out pushing two kids. They’d usually have a snack in the pushchair as soon as they got out of school too.

Fit parents does not automatically make fit kids.

Jinxed2 · 01/07/2019 20:21

I got the same letter for my son when he was in reception. A load of rubbish, he was 10lb 8 when he was born so obviously had stayed high up on the charts! Could see his ribs! He’s now 11 and can still wear age 9 clothes...🤣

HappyLoneParentDay · 01/07/2019 22:46

@Squiz81 I would say your son is slightly overweight. That's me being totally honest and genuine

MrsWombat · 02/07/2019 09:35

This thread has reminded me we need to be a bit more active with the kids as we can get into a bit of screen slump over the summer. Go Noodle is great for a quick 10 minutes shake up first thing in the morning or on a rainy day.

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