How should I have answered this?

[4TeensAndABaby]

We were in Lush having a browse. Myself, DS 4 & DDs 18 & 15. A very helpful Sales Assistant came over and asked if we needed any help. The Sales Assistant was male, but had long hair (worn down), a tiny amount of makeup, and a skirt with tights. The Sales Assistant also had by my definition a very masculine voice.

So, we were talking about the products, I was trying things the Sales Assistant had recommended etc. My darling 4 year old then says in a very loud voice: "Mummy, is that a boy or a girl?" Thankfully, my quick thinking DD18 distracted him and I carried on talking (whilst hoping the ground would open up). DD15 was so embarrassed by her brother that she walked out the shop.

I've been thinking about this for a while. But what should I have said to my son? I am fully supportive of the LGBT community and I have a gay daughter. I would love to know how I should have answered my son's question without offending anyone? (So I'm prepared for the next blunt question he asks!)

Explaining to 4 year old about preferred pronouns is up there with encouraging them to shout about taramasalata in Waitrose.

are you saying your four year old doesn't know the difference between boys and girls, what they ar called and you find it funny?

I thought she was saying her 4 year old doesn't know what "pronoun" means.

It's a man. In a dress.

How do you know? It would be exceptionally rude to say that in case it was actually a masculine looking woman.

encouraging them to shout about taramasalata in Waitrose.

Those were the innocent days of MN

I would say he's a boy. I'm not gaslighting my kids.

How do you know? It would be exceptionally rude to say that in case it was actually a masculine looking woman.

That's exactly what I was thinking.

If the child had said "Is that lady over there pregnant?" Mumsnetters would be frothing at the mouth if the OP had said "Yes she is". Just on a tiny off chance that she might not be.

But if a child did ask if that lady over there was pregnant the response would be, yes/no/I don’t know.

If the question is is that obvious man a man or a woman the only answers available are it’s a man/lie.

And DFOD with the I know a butch lesbian crap. There may be a very tiny number of women who you can’t obviously tell but 99.999% of the time you can. Being a lesbian has 0.00% to do with anything. Leave us lesbians out of this nonsense.

To whomever said knowing the difference between male and female is instinct is totally WRONG. They have learned the usual cues/stereotypes, they don't know the difference until you teach them.

I definitely wouldn’t ask them which they are as @Justmuddlingalong suggests! That puts them in a very awkward position.

I would just say “it doesn’t matter if they’re a boy or a girl”

Just tell them it doesnt matter

@raspberryk and @Bluntness100 - no, I’m saying my 4 year old wouldn’t know what the word “pronoun” means, doesn’t consistently get pronouns right in any event, and would be totally unable to follow the trans lobbies rules about using preferred pronouns.

I mean he can’t read or write, thinks that the ice cream truck plays music when they’ve run out, and plans to be a “dinosaur firefighter” when he grows up, so he definitely doesn’t get the finer points of socially acceptable grammar yet.

I was implying that I didn’t really believe the super woke poster above whose 4 year old apparently regularly encounters people whose gender identity is unclear and deals with the issue by asking for their pronouns.

But if a child did ask if that lady over there was pregnant the response would be, yes/no/I don’t know.

If the question is is that obvious man a man or a woman the only answers available are it’s a man/lie.

Not true for either scenario there.

I've seen really 'obvious' pregnant women who I would've bet my house on but it's turned out they're either post partum, or slim all over with all their weight being carried on their belly.

Equally I've seen 'obvious' looking (and sounding) 'men and women' who turned out to be the opposite of what many people thought.

Rare cases but it does happen and that's why it's considered rude to assume.