How should I have answered this?

[4TeensAndABaby]

We were in Lush having a browse. Myself, DS 4 & DDs 18 & 15. A very helpful Sales Assistant came over and asked if we needed any help. The Sales Assistant was male, but had long hair (worn down), a tiny amount of makeup, and a skirt with tights. The Sales Assistant also had by my definition a very masculine voice.

So, we were talking about the products, I was trying things the Sales Assistant had recommended etc. My darling 4 year old then says in a very loud voice: "Mummy, is that a boy or a girl?" Thankfully, my quick thinking DD18 distracted him and I carried on talking (whilst hoping the ground would open up). DD15 was so embarrassed by her brother that she walked out the shop.

I've been thinking about this for a while. But what should I have said to my son? I am fully supportive of the LGBT community and I have a gay daughter. I would love to know how I should have answered my son's question without offending anyone? (So I'm prepared for the next blunt question he asks!)

My standard reply to my 4 year old is “ask them what their pronouns are” every time the person in question has been more than happy to say “I like he/she/it/them/whatever” usually followed by my son saying “you look nice/pretty/I like your hair/shoes” he comments on shoes and hair as those are things he’s drawn to.

How do you make sure you run into enough trans people to support this habit? Are you Brightonians?

I meant to post this also: m.youtube.com/watch?v=Q3oz_pF4g8k

I'd also have said, well why don't we ask, and do you mind, to thr sales assistant. The sales assistant could have been offended though, and said well I'm clearly Male/female. 🤷‍♀️

"It's a man in a dress darling. Everyone naturally feels uncomfortable in this entire situation but you're to endure and accept it lest you become a social pariah and labelled some sort of whateverist."

A smile that includes the assistant and a nice 'Why don’t you ask them?’

Everyone naturally feels uncomfortable in this entire situation

What? Speak for yourself. I personally don't give a shit how people chose to present nor does it make me uncomfortable.

Everyone naturally feels uncomfortable in this entire situation

Speak for yourself Salzi!

Well the child asked if they were a boy or a girl ie what sex, not what their pronouns were, which is gender identity nonsense. So answering that factually shouldn't be a problem. Shouldn't. Of course it may well be as so many people have entirely rejected reality on this subject. The sooner we move to a world where men feel comfortable wearing a skirt and make up and still being men, the better.

For a 5 years old... "some boys like to wear skirts and makeup too, it's not only for girls."

@Salzi

Otherwise "Admire the Emperor's nice clothes, darling".

How do you make sure you run into enough trans people to support this habit? Are you Brightonians?

Pmsl!

It's true though. I don't really notice any more.

It's a man. In a dress. The fact you need to ask here to see if you were unreasonable is down to the fact that, despite your eyes, senses and inbuilt intuition that this is indeed a man, in a dress you've suffered at the hand of this movement and fear an unwanted outcome.

Let's face it, the goal post change with this group by the week and there is a new rage from the perpetually offended that I don't blame you, where do the acceptance lines lay?

They lay at the truth. Tis a man in a dress.

I just say, "it's none of your business, darling." And explain when we've left the shop.

"That's a boy darling" .

"It's a man in a dress darling. Everyone naturally feels uncomfortable in this entire situation but you're to endure and accept it lest you become a social pariah and labelled some sort of whateverist”

Truth !

Truth !

For you and that poster, sure. You're clearly very sensitive folks if this would make you uncomfortable. Sad for you.

Agree with Salzi. It’s very emperor’s new clothes - they can manipulate language as much as they want, but they can’t pull the wool over a 4YO’s eyes.

I also sympathise with not wanting to offend on purpose, but let’s be clear. Women’s rights are under a sustained and fundamental attack from TRAs.

So, in answer to your question, I hope I would have the guts to say ‘he’s a man’, and if the sales assistant challenged me, to ask whether they have a GRC.

I would've said "I'm not sure".

“I don’t know darling” and move on.

And the idea of my 4 year old understanding pronouns is hilarious!

You knew what the individual was so why didn't you say so? I don't understand why you got flustered.
"He's a boy" was all that was necessary.

@TinselTimes why is the idea of a 4yo understanding pronouns so ludicrous? They understand men and women/male and female, don't they?

And the idea of my 4 year old understanding pronouns is hilarious!

I don't understand this, are you saying your four year old doesn't know the difference between boys and girls, what they ar called and you find it funny?

Because men are men, women are women as instinct to children, all this other pronoun stuff is done by adults fighting the norm. Add made up confusing definitions and it will throw children.

@LakieLady I'd hate to think that parents were desperately scouring somewhere like Southwold for transfolk to do woke to