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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I can’t be the only person who is noticing this (people sneering)

67 replies

Want2727 · 28/06/2019 09:26

Always got the odd look in the past but noticed more recently (in the last couple of years or so) some people looking really sneeringly or smirling at me when I walk past them. It is a minority of people but I am noticing it more and more.

Usually women I would say. I dress quite casual even for work as I am a carer in someone’s home but I am never scruffy.
It’s just happened again as I was walking home after work I walk past this women who literary looks me up and down as I approach her and sneers in disgust.

Are other people noticing this or is it just me. Are people just getting more and more rude

OP posts:

NoSauce · 28/06/2019 09:30

That’s weird OP. Do you have a distinctive look? Tattoos, piercings, green hair? I can’t say I’ve noticed anyone sneering at me tbh.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 28/06/2019 09:30

I have never noticed this let alone experienced it multiple times. Are you sure you are not projecting and imagining that their directing this behaviour towards you. I doubt very much there is an unspoken memo to sneer at you as you walk by most people don't even pay other strangers a blind but of notice let alone get worked up about them enough to sneer.

Looobyloo · 28/06/2019 09:32

People are getting ruder I've noticed, but I've very rarely been sneered at and I'm a right scruff due to cleaning for a living.
The only person that's sneered at me is our neighbour who thinks she's better than us, I'm lucky in that I find it amusing, not everyone would.

Thehop · 28/06/2019 09:34

No, I don’t get sneered at (I’m fat but not very distinctive) people are getting ruder though.

Could you ask a friend IRL what they think?

WorraLiberty · 28/06/2019 09:35

No, never and I dress anything from formal to smart/casual to downright scruffy with hair scraped back and no make up (especially when walking the dog first thing in the morning).

Could it be more of a confidence issue on your part?

I have a close friend who swears people look her up and down and sneer at her when she goes into a 'posh' boutique. I've been with her many times and literally no-one does but she always feels as though she's not 'well groomed' enough to shop there.

Suenahmi · 28/06/2019 09:35

That is horrible. I am sorry that this is happening to you.

NoSauce · 28/06/2019 09:38

I know someone like this! She always says this certain shop thinks she’s not worthy to be not there, which isn’t the feeling I get when I’ve been in . I think it’s down to her lack of confidence and not feeling good about herself.

user87382294757 · 28/06/2019 09:40

You know something, people who are rude are not worth bothering about and may have some issues of their own. Could it be you are around some rude people perhaps? Not sure. Maybe they just have a kind of sneering, rude expression?

CassianAndor · 28/06/2019 09:41

Gosh, that's horrible. I've never noticed this but I'm often a bit oblivious.

honeygirlz · 28/06/2019 09:41

When the person stares but then smiles at me (usually female), it makes my day and I smile back. When they don't, I wonder why they stared, then it can seem as if they were sneering. Perception, maybe.

I'm also frequently mistaken for other people so it could just be them thinking they know me. Maybe the same for you?

I'm so used to being mistaken for someone else that when someone says 'Hi, how are you' as is to someone they know, I respond because I don't want them to think I'm blanking them, even though I have no idea who they are

Oysterbabe · 28/06/2019 09:45

Do you look unusual in some way? This has never happened to me and I normally look like shit.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 28/06/2019 09:46

I can be an utter scruff at times (I do scrub up well if I need to) and I have never noticed this.
If I did I would think it said more about them than me.

sotired2 · 28/06/2019 09:48

Ive noticed this too. makes me smile as they are making assumptions without knowing me. I'm a manager in a small office once a year i go in dressed in scruffs to sort out cupboards and move all desks out to give a good clean. when doing it this year a lady visiting looked me up and down just as you say. i think alot of people now try to look like and behave as if they are above everyone when in fact they dont and its often a cover for their own insecurities

Nautiloid · 28/06/2019 09:48

I am fat and I have noticed this but only a couple of times. I'm more confident now but in the past, when I didn't stand out in any way, I often thought people were judging me. I now doubt it was true, and don't really care if it was.

wheresmymojo · 28/06/2019 09:49

I've never noticed that and on days I've worked at home I often pop out in what I call my 'catted leggings'.

So called because the cats have made holes in them with their claws but I'm trying to cut down on throwing things away (and they're usually quite new leggings).

So I genuinely look like someone dragged through a hedge backwards.

That being said I'm pretty confident so maybe they do sneer and I just don't notice or care

DonkeyHohtay · 28/06/2019 09:50

I think this is all about you OP, and not them, It's all in your head. Nobody cares what you look like, honestly. People generally do not go around their business "sneering" at people as they pass. We're all too absorbed in our own lives to give a toss about other people. Really.

Sounds like mild paranoia, tbh.

wheresmymojo · 28/06/2019 09:51

I have a resting bitch face (so I've been told many times)....maybe if I catch someone's eye by accident or look in their direction while off in my own world they could think I'm sneering?

I'm not, I'm thinking about food probably

NoSauce · 28/06/2019 09:54

wheresmymojo that’s a good point, I have a resting bitch face too and DH says if someone doesn’t know me they might think I’m looking down my nose at them which I definitely am not. I’ve tried to have a more smiley face but then DH says I look a bit crazy

viccat · 28/06/2019 09:56

It hasn't happened to me but I'm in Facebook groups for some quite colourful/distinctive clothes brands and heard several times of people being openly laughed at/shouted abuse at when out wearing something bright. Always other women doing it too...

ComeAndDance · 28/06/2019 10:00

I disagree.
This is something I have felt many times too. Rarely about my appearance but with the way I’m talking etc... I’ve had it confirm by friends that 1- yes people were sneering and 2- no there wasn’t anything remotely wrong with what I said/how I said it/how I was dressed.

I think that if you fit perfectly with the ‘standards’ of your area, then you probably will not notice it (that’s the majority of people) but if you don’t , for whatever reason, then it’s quite obvious.
I suspect it’s also worse in small towns/villages vs cosmopolitan areas.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 28/06/2019 10:07

ComeandDance
That is a fair point
I live in a pretty mixed part of London where there is no set “standards” so people generally don’t pay much attention to the people around them.

QuimReaper · 28/06/2019 10:09

Confirmation bias. It is really quite extraordinary how the mind can convince you of these things. When I gained a bit of weight I was absolutely sure everyone was staring at my midsection the whole time, even though logically speaking, I see far far fatter people every day and my small amount of extra blubber was truly unremarkable. Similarly, in my early twenties I went through a phase of having very troublesome skin, and I felt like I was walking around with a huge flashing beacon on my head and everyone was gawping. Again, it wasn't like it was that really sore-looking disfiguring type of acne which might actually attract attention, and logically, nobody notices skin, especially not when passing someone in the street.

The skin thing was pure paranoia - people do unavoidably look at each others' faces, and I was just detecting lingering glances over "problem areas" where there almost certainly were none - but the midsection thing was possibly due to me subconsciously drawing attention to the area with some kind of microgestures as I felt uncomfortable, and naturally drew small glances. I wonder if there's anything you're doing which is abetting a cycle of what you're interpreting as sneers? If you're anticipating them, perhaps you're unnaturally scrutinising people (especially women) as you pass them, which is putting their lizard senses on the alert and causing them to case you?

I'm not sure how to solve that if that's the case, but I'd start by taking it from me that it's in your head

catsmother · 28/06/2019 10:09

Unless you attract attention by looking incredibly unusual most people's appearances really don't register on the radar of others they don't know. Perhaps with the exception of drunks picking on someone (though they're not in a position to sneer) or silly teenagers playing an even sillier game of 'spot the 'uncool' oldie'.

As others have suggested, it may be your own self confidence misinterpreting a glance or you may have been incredibly unlucky. If it happens again I'd retort by snorting in disgust back - at their manners and insensitivity! More generally speaking however I do find that people en masse seem to be less tolerant and much ruder than I used to think they were … how accurate that is and how much it's me getting older I don't know.

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 28/06/2019 10:09

"That’s weird OP. Do you have a distinctive look? Tattoos, piercings, green hair?"

I have all the above and don't get sneered at. I do get a lot of comments but they are 99% complimenting my hair, especially from pensioners funnily enough (don't want to be ageist!) which I think is sweet. I do dress smartly though. I know I look weird

OP I think a lot of people are just having stressful worrying times and perhaps aren't looking at you sneering, just worrying about something?

nicecuppaforme · 28/06/2019 10:09

I doubt this is actually happening - unless you're literally smeared in shit?

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