To think I can’t be the only person who is noticing this (people sneering)

[Want2727]

Always got the odd look in the past but noticed more recently (in the last couple of years or so) some people looking really sneeringly or smirling at me when I walk past them. It is a minority of people but I am noticing it more and more.

Usually women I would say. I dress quite casual even for work as I am a carer in someone’s home but I am never scruffy.
It’s just happened again as I was walking home after work I walk past this women who literary looks me up and down as I approach her and sneers in disgust.

Are other people noticing this or is it just me. Are people just getting more and more rude

I once had a woman in a local kitchen shop tell me (before asking if I was looking to buy a kitchen, literally after I had walked in and begun browsing) that her shop was more of an Audi or Jaguar type shop and maybe I would feel more comfortable in a Ford or Vauxhall kitchen shop, such as Wickes or Homebase . One of those occasions sadly where I just looked like a goldfish, turned on my heel and left without a word. Her loss really as I had 2 kitchens to buy and her assumptions lost her circa £100k of business. I realised afterwards because I was a) female b) dressed in jeans and Gola trainers c) 24yo, so presumably too young to own property, she thought she could act like that.

Her shop is still there and I make a point of warning people off (it's hugely overpriced anyway and a lovely mum on here helped me find better quality anyway!).

ComeandDance but if your friends confirmed you weren't doing anything "wrong" then in what way were you not fitting the "standards"?

I'm in London too so apologies if my confidence in everyone being too clobbered by diversity / having their heads too far up their arses to bat an eyelid at anyone is misplaced

If it happens again I'd retort by snorting in disgust back - at their manners and insensitivity!

This is awful advice - if she goes around snorting at passers by she really will get sneered at

Forgot to add, I do know how it feels to be genuinely sneered at. This happened to me in an over the top make no mistake about it way many times from someone who's now no longer part of my life but who took delight in making me feel small/wrong/whatever. I've never really felt it from strangers though - all the times I've experienced it it was intentionally mean.

Another thing to remember is, people are inside their own heads. Lots of the time when I'm out and about my face might reflect my own internal conversation with myself or thing that I'm thinking about. And people may look at you but not see you.
So perhaps you might think someone is sneering at you when really they are just looking in your direction whilst remembering they've got to de-hair the bath and pulling a face.

I was going to suggest people with resting bitch face.

@NoSauce

That’s weird OP. Do you have a distinctive look? Tattoos, piercings, green hair?

Erm, I have all three 😂

I came on to say what NerdyBird said. Apparently I have a very expressive face (people tell me that at meetings they can tell exactly what I'm thinking before I open my mouth) so, if I'm thinking about something or someone unpleasant, there's a good chance my face goes into a sneer, even if I appear to be looking at something or someone else.

I'm like wheresmymojo - when not smiling I'm told my face can look quite cold/unfriendly (I think it's because my mouth naturally turns down).

So if I'm out, I might be looking at someone wondering if I know them (I have a big issue with face recognition) or I might be looking at their clothes thinking that I like their outfit or appreciating how they have put a look together. From that person's perspective I might look like I am sneering, or looking critically at them, but I wouldn't be.

I always tend to smile briefly at people anyway (just in case i do know them but have failed to recognise them) so hopefully i don't leave too many people feeling awful for potentially sneering at them, but I can see how it could happen.

On the other hand, OP, if other people are sneering, then if people are really going to judge you for how you are dressed (and I'm sure you look perfectly fine), then they are not worth bothering about.

My DD actually says this to me a lot that people stare at her. I am not sure why she feels this way and whether it is true. I often wonder if it’s just her perception but not accurate!

Are you sure that they're sneering at you? They might well just be in a bad mood and scowling at the whole world. Or even just interested in what's going on around them and not sneering at all. Unless you have clothes or hairstyle associated with a controversial group, or just extremely unusual for the place where you live, I don't think it's likely that anyone would look sneeringly at you (even if you do, I doubt that most would bother).

Like a PP, if I catch people looking at me I assume they're gazing at me in admiration.

It's all in your head.

There's a paradoxical self-regard in assuming everyone is looking at you and thinking about you. They really aren't. I say this kindly - you just aren't that important - none of us are! I'd do a double take at someone in the street if they had purple hair and a monks habit, but mostly? I'm off in my own bubble, as are most people.

Yeah this happens to me as well. I’m just one of those people that will never look polished no matter what. The woman at the Lancôme counter refused to sell me makeup a while back, as if I wasn’t polished enough for her products. Estée Lauder happily took my money though

I’m what you might call a butch lesbian, plus I have facial piercings and tattoos (not on my face), and I get it quite often. I get nasty comments quite often as well. I just ignore them. I’m quite happy with the way I look so I don’t really give a shit what anyone else thinks.

I haven’t noticed myself being increasingly sneered at, no.....

I am going to make a sneering-related confession, now. There is a woman at work I DO sneer at every time she passes me. But that is because she is a really really horrible bully who has told all kinds of lies about me. She is really over-weight and dresses very frumpily for her age - obviously this would not bother me in the least or be any of my business usually - but BECAUSE I dislike her so much for other reasons, and I KNOW she has a problem with the fact that I lost weight and got skinny (she told me she “couldn’t stand to look at me” because I was thin, in fact - crazy), this sneering of mine gives me enormous pleasure. I know that is childish, and indeed probably morally indefensible, but I feel entirely unrepentant about it and don’t intend to stop it as long as I work here.
I would never sneer at somebody I didn’t know and loathe, though.....

I think this is all about you OP, and not them, It's all in your head. Nobody cares what you look like, honestly. People generally do not go around their business "sneering" at people as they pass. We're all too absorbed in our own lives to give a toss about other people. Really

I agree.

I think if you look very unusual you may get looks especially in a small town but generally as PPs have said most people are just in their own worlds and aren't bothered about sneering at strangers.

Fact is, you never know what's going on in someone else's mind - which as someone once pointed out to me is just as well!!

I met someone years ago in hospital who suffered really badly with social anxiety and other mh issues so she'd picture herself as a hero in some make believe land always saving it and standing up for people and consequently she looked like she was always angry and ready for a fight. The reality was she was utterly terrified to go anywhere or speak to anyone unless she was that fantasy figure. Supposedly a therapist had suggested it to her, I suspect that wasn't what they meant though!

That must make you feel really self conscious.
I know it's hard but try not to let it get to you.
It may be that they are not really judging you/ looking down their noses at all. They could be thinking about something else and their eyes happened to rest on you at the time (if that makes any sense??).
I don't tend to notice strangers passing by, and I don't think many people do to be honest.
Either way, just carry on with what you're doing and don't let it worry you.

I have someone who sneers and is very rude to me whenever they see me. I've been told they do it because they're ill, which is no consolation when someone is hurling abuse at you in public or spitting at you.

Yes I've spoken to the police and her employer. Nothing can be done. Aside from me being told to be the bigger person.

It does mean I struggle to not read more into people glancing my way than before as im worried they're going to say it as well given she's done it in public and others have joined in.

I’ve just remembered - there’s another woman at work I dislike and sneer at too. This second one is completely normal-looking really, so God knows what she makes of it. I like to think it leaves her slightly perplexed and unsettled - but possibly she doesn’t notice (or just thinks I’m a bit mental......) Still, I enjoy it and have no intention of stopping.

Amazing I get any work done really, what with all my sneering commitments.......

Happened to me the other day at school pick up time. There are literally parents who stand smoking at the gates, swearing and shouting, some of them drag their children around and call them all the names under the sun. Yet an elderly lady gave me dirties... I presumed it was because of my tattoos, I have no idea. I’m a teacher so the tattoos don’t affect any other part of my life, they’re not tacky tattoos either. I couldn’t really pinpoint why else she did it, I was just walking out of the gates with my DC chatting away.

There's a paradoxical self-regard in assuming everyone is looking at you and thinking about you. They really aren't. I say this kindly - you just aren't that important - none of us are!

This is exactly what I was told during a CBT session for anxiety.

I'm very self conscious, hate feeling like people might be looking at me and judging me.

The shrink actually said exactly that to me, and it's so true, in the same way that I don't particularly notice and judge every person I see either.

I went to the local shop in my pyjama bottoms and a tea shirt when I was ill and nobody even looked at me.