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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wasting my time with this woman?

40 replies

allypallyt · 28/06/2019 08:20

This has been my first time with a woman.
We only see each other once every couple of weeks.
We text daily.
She seems interested.
I seen her two weeks today and she stayed at mine.
Then she's text every day but no talk of seeing me again.
I asked her if she wanted to do something this weekend last night but she said she already had plans.
I feel so deflated and upset.
If you like someone you want to see them.
It just feels pointless.
I don't know what I've done wrong.
Do I just leave it now?

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 28/06/2019 08:23

Assuming from your title you've been with plenty of men, what would you do? The situation is the same.

I'd leave it. See if she makes any sort of "move". If not, move on.

XXVaginaAndAUterus · 28/06/2019 08:24

Early dating is a tricky time indeed. Perhaps she is genuinely busy, perhaps she is trying to let you down gently. Why not say to her, "okay, let me know when you're free to meet you again" and back off texting until she texts you.

Original poster
allypallyt · 28/06/2019 08:26

She has 2 kids and I know it's only a Friday night that they go to her parents.
She literally text me non stop the other day for hours.
Surely if you don't like someone you don't do that.
She has my head upside down

OP posts:
Swellerellamoo · 28/06/2019 08:28

Some people are dicks who are after attention.

Take a big step back

ambereeree · 28/06/2019 08:31

She might have planned family time with the kids and can't change them.

Original poster
allypallyt · 28/06/2019 08:33

She's going to her friends house tonight apparently

OP posts:
HarrysOwl · 28/06/2019 08:41

Urg I hate this part of dating and seeing each other, male/female/whatever.

I'd take a step back, see if she contacts you again - I'd be feeling a bit sidelined too.

Could be she's genuinely busy or it could be she's only got a casual relationship in mind?

Original poster
allypallyt · 28/06/2019 08:47

Only the other day she was taking a real interest in my life.
She's so hard to read.

OP posts:
Original poster
allypallyt · 28/06/2019 08:48

Maybe she just wants casual.
Even two weeks or more is less than casual in my eyes

OP posts:
Original poster
allypallyt · 28/06/2019 10:05

She hasn't spoken to me at all this morning
We normally chat daily
I'm scared I've scared her off now
I'm worried she will never speak again

OP posts:
JagerPlease · 28/06/2019 10:44

I don't think it means she's not interested if she's having daily contact with you. I'm a single parent who dabbles in the dating scene, but I make weekend plans with friends well in advance for when I don't have my son, so if someone asked me on a Thursday if I was free at the weekend the answer would almost always be no - I either have plans with friends or I have my son.

Original poster
allypallyt · 28/06/2019 10:58

She hasn't spoken to me so far today.
I'm just worried that's it now.
I might have came on too strong asking her out.
We have slept together so I just thought it wasn't pushy.

OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 28/06/2019 11:03

I asked her if she wanted to do something this weekend last night but she said she already had plans

And maybe she actually did already have plans....

I feel so deflated and upset
If you like someone you want to see them

Well sure, if it doesn't clash with something you've already got planned. I'm not sure you should be expecting her to drop plans for you.

Take it slowly and have fun - it is WAY too early for detailed analysis of every interaction.

lickthewrapper · 28/06/2019 11:33

If it were me, I would let her go and find someone who really wants to be with me, not just text me.

newmomof1 · 28/06/2019 11:36

If you're stressing over her not messaging you by 10:30am I'd say you're definitely more invested than she is.
I know it's tough but do as PP says. Say "let me know when you're free to meet up" and let her contact you.

ShatnersWig · 28/06/2019 11:37

So how long have you actually been "dating" OP?

Tryingtoworkitoutagain · 28/06/2019 11:44

If it’s your first girl and you’ve slept together maybe you’ve developed feelings a bit quicker or stronger than she has...id leave my phone somewhere and enjoy my day if you don’t hear from her then move on,she could just be having s busy morning!

Original poster
allypallyt · 28/06/2019 11:50

We've only been dating 2 months
Slept together a couple of times
She still hasn't spoken

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 28/06/2019 11:57

You're coming over as really quite full on for just two months in, to be honest.

And this Even two weeks or more is less than casual in my eyes

For the VAST majority - and I mean almost everyone who is dating - two, three, four weeks is very much still casual. It's generally casual until the whole "exclusive" talk.

fluffyblue · 28/06/2019 11:57

Bet you have scintillating conversations...

Original poster
allypallyt · 28/06/2019 12:02

How am I full on?

OP posts:
ProteinshakesandAntonsbum · 28/06/2019 12:05

When did you ask her about doing something.

If she has kids and manages to get a baby sitter every Friday. She is unlikely to leave the evening open incase of last minute plans.

ShatnersWig · 28/06/2019 12:08

You've only been dating a few weeks and you're on AIBU over it and getting worked up because you haven't heard from her this morning. People have LIVES, especially if they have kids. They don't have to text or chat for the same length or amount of time, or at the same time every day. You're DATING, you're not a couple. Ease back, relax. Maybe she is losing interest - that's what happens in the early days of casual dating as you work out how much you like someone. Leave the ball in her court now, go out and enjoy yourself, do other things, see other people if you want. But really, I agree with other posters that you are over invested in what is very, very early days.

JacquesHammer · 28/06/2019 12:12

How am I full on?

You’ve been “dating” for a couple of months

You’re not happy because she won’t change plans for you.

You’re over-analysing contact and lack thereof.

This should be the part of the relationship you’re enjoying!

Maybe you’re not compatible.

babysharkah · 28/06/2019 12:15

You sound very full on need contact by 1003 in the morning. I think you maybe scared her off or, she has a life and hasn't had time to text you yet.

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