AIBU not to have a bedtime routine.

[Fizzlekatz]

I'm a first time mum (and first time poster here) to a 10-week old DS. I've had many a sleepless night over the past couple of months and during this time I've read up on baby sleep (including being sent a mad timetable from "little ones") and have now come to the conclusion that it's all designed to make parents feel anxious and if i commit to follow a schedule or routine it will just stress me out and stop me from enjoying my baby.

So I've made the decision to let my DS sleep on me for long periods of time, to not try and put him down "drowsy but awake" (still unsure what that means); and not to have specific nap or bedtime routine. I do make sure he naps regularly throughout the day and spends the nights in the same place (in DH and my bedroom).

This goes against my usual personality which is to have routine and things scheduled and obviously I do want him to eventually sleep well (at the moment he's still waking every 1-2 hours) but I figure he's a baby and probably nothing I do is going to change that right now.

Experienced mums what do you think? Do I have the right attitude or am I creating a sleepless monster and a rod for my own back for the future? Your thoughts are really appreciated!

10 weeks is so little, I was still just in survival mode at that point. I started a proper bedtime routine with my DD when she was about 6 months old and she’s been a great little sleeper since 8 months (now 19 months and a total creature of habit, she thrives on routine and doing exactly the same things at exactly the same time, which can be a bit restrictive but that’s another story). We probably could have started a bit earlier but it seemed the right time at that point, which was when we moved her into her own room too.

there's always one. I'm all for routine, but I had 3 who happily settled themselves into routines. Wouldn't worry too much though for a 10 week old. As they get bigger and understand what is going on, its helpful to have a bedtime routine so they know what's happening (although may still complain).

Involve your dh if possible, particularly at bedtime so if you suddenly want to go out one night you can. Even the most clingy child will eventually grow out of it, so its just a phase (although possibly a long one).

I didn't have any routine whatsoever with DS1. He slept on me, when we were out and about he slept in a sling, we co-slept until he was about 3. I didn't make a conscious decision to not have a routine, I just didn't really know what I was doing. This was the late 90's and there was less information easily accessible than there is now. So I just followed my instinct. DS grew up really adaptable, I could take him out without having to worry about nap time of bedtime. He's 19 now and one of the most easy going, laidback people you'll ever meet.

I'm massively pro bedtime routine.
My DS was put in a routine the day he came out of hospital (3 weeks old), slept through the night at 11 weeks. My DD was put in the same routine the day we came out of hospital (2 days old), slept through at 8 weeks. Bath at 6pm, milk and story, bed 7pm - awake 6am.
I love having evenings to myself. And really don't think I'd cope well with getting out of poor sleep habits.
However, that's me and it's worked lovely for me and my kids but other people have different routines and different methods which work for them and there's nothing wrong with however you Choose to do it. I'll probably get flamed for putting a 2 day old in the crib in the bedroom upstairs on their own to sleep before we went up to bed.

Bedtime routine didn’t work for us until toddler age, and then was really useful. Just caused pointless stress trying before then though.

You will always get people like maddiemookins up there who believe there’s something magic about bedtime routines. If I’d heard “bath, bottle, book, bed!” one more time when mine was little I was going to hit someone with a Ewan the Dream Sheep. But they just suit some babies (and parents) and not others.

Oh, and I know a mum when I was on mat leave who followed the Little Ones routine and had her baby sleeping through from about 10 weeks but she was an absolute slave to the timings and spent most of the time stressing about his naps. It does seem on the rigid side, it doesn’t have to be so all-or-nothing.

I like a routine, but my DS is 2 and I think it's essential. At your stage just go with the flow. You'll find a routine will naturally come.

He's teeny tiny ickle! Enjoy the cuddles! You can't spoil a baby, and as long as you're doing ok, and baby is thriving, then parent as you see fit!
My (now teenage) DC never had much in the way of routine at that age (that'll change once they're older - as in over a year old - as they thrive on routine then) and they're absolutely fine! My friend OTOH, needed a routine for her sanity from day 1, so used the book of which we do not speak, and that's totally groovy too! 14 years on, no sleep issues, apart from not surfacing until I go full banshee on school days, and long lies at the weekend! Happy, healthy young adults, with absolutely no recollection of how/what I fed them, routines, whether I Co slept or didn't etc.
Lots of people will tell you how you should parent. Fuck them all! Make sure you and baby are happy, and do the best for you both. The rest is just noise.
Ps, you might drop baby at some point. They'll be fine!

Ten week olds don't need a bedtime routine, I don’t think you need to introduce one until four months. It’s handy to have one as I believe children get to sleep quicker and wake up less during the night, but if it’s not your personality then don’t? It’s your baby do what makes you happy.

My almost two year old naps on me still everyday he’s a brilliant sleeper at night in his own cot, I love the closeness don’t worry about your baby sleeping on you.

Wow thanks everyone for all your replies and positive comments. I'm definitely someone who usually likes order in my life so agree with those who say a loose routine will probably come naturally. Im wondering does baby sleep work differently between bottle and breastfed babies? DS is breastfed and he is constantly snacking and still clusterfeeding so the idea of him going from say 7pm - 7am and only feeding twice in that time just seems unrealistic. Or maybe he's just not very efficient at it yet...

If it works for you and you’re getting enough sleep then that’s great.
As they get older you will end up in a routine of sorts it just kind of happens
I have the non sleeping child and for weeks I persisted with the bath story feed starting at 7pm By 10pm we were both very fraught, there’d been 3 hours of howling.

Blimey I thought you were going to say you have much older children. You have a tiny baby do whatever the hell you like

Cluster feeding is his way of building your supply.
Get comfy, get a drink and a snack and let him feed as long as you are able.
He’s so tiny, let him behave as nature intended.

I wouldn't count myself as being experienced but just wanted to say what your doing sounds great, similar to what we did, as we let our baby lead us. She is 15 months now, has been in a routine that suits her and us for a long time but not because we forced it (wouldn't have a clue how too ftm) just cos it happened we were lucky I suppose. Don't believe everything you read go with what you think :) xx

I honestly think it just depends on the baby. My daughter is breastfed and has slept for 9+ hour chunks from 6-8 weeks. Some babies are just naturally better sleepers than others, or need to comfort suck to settle themselves again.

You may find a natural pattern starts to form soon anyway. I read a good book when I was pregnant with my second that talked about identify the ‘core’ night - basically that bit of time that they sleep longer than usual and building on that. So I found my baby did 11pm- 4am as their longest sleep time in the early weeks. I then built on it by starting a routine like changing nappy and clothes and putting them in their night time bed after their milk at 11pm. It set up a bedtime routine but by going with their sleep pattern. It worked for us but I didn’t want things to be completely routine free as I needed a bit of quiet time before I went to bed.

I didn't have a bedtime for either of mine until they started showing patterns of needing a bedtime.

With my daughter that was around 9-10 months. With my son it was a little earlier but probably because he just fit in with DD routine.

No point flogging a dead horse ime. A young baby has no concept of day/night. It sleeps when it needs to. As they're awake for longer, that is the time to consider a bedtime

You'll probably find your baby sets their own bedtime too. DD used to come up with us at 10, then she started trying to fall asleep for the night at 9, then 8, and now she's ready for bed by 7 so that's what we go with.

Nothing wrong with putting a younger baby in a cot on their own in their own room, they’re just at a higher risk of cot death...

Fizzlekat, you are doing fine.

YANBU, we didn't have a routine but instead just followed little ones lead on when they were hungry or tired etc- and it's surprisingly how quickly it settled into a natural pattern. If it's working for you I wouldn't worry whilst they are that young!

Meh, DS went down "drowsy but awake" for months from being new born. It made no difference at all. He's now 2 and needs me to help him settle to sleep every night. Enjoy the cuddles if you're enjoying them, it goes so fast

I breastfed and co slept and wore all 4 of mine, all sort of baby led if that makes sense. As a result they hardly ever cried which meant I was able to keep my sanity.
I once tried the routine thing as the health visitor suggested it with my first. Baby didn't want a sleep. I managed to listen to him cry for about 5 mins before my heart completely broke and we went back to baby led everything
This worked for me and everyone was happy. I also know other mums who swore by the routine and that worked for them so each to their own. I followed my instincts and that was that
Do what you think is right!

And I don't have clingy or needy children as a result. I was warned I would have as I 'spoilt' them with attention

I think it depends on the baby. Mine absolutely needed a routine from an early age or it all just went to shit. I wish I had had the type of children that just napped I the pram while we were having dinner but they were the complete opposite.

Do what feels right for you and your child. If it works, keep doing what you're doing.