Or is my boss and colleague?

[fairynick]

Fully prepares to be told that I was being unprofessional in this situation.
I work in an office call centre environment. It’s sales so male dominated but still a fair few women.
Today someone asked if I had a tampon so I said no sorry I don’t carry them anymore because I use a diva cup.
She was like “omg what’s that” so I explained in a girly chit chat way, not being loud just a conversation between the two is us. Also note that the office is loud and bantery, often lots of shouting and swearing, flirting etc. When I explained I wasn’t crude or used any strange words but I just told her what it was and how you used it and she had a giggle.
A manager then came over and said please can you keep that to yourself male colleague nearby doesn’t want to hear that.
He could surely have only heard if he was listening in, I wasn’t making a show of things.
Anyway was I being unreasonable or was my manager for allowing shouting swearing flirty behaviour but apparently period talk is a no no?

It comes under personal dignity - I wouldn't want to hear about your periods, or your piles, or listen to you fart or belch.

I completely understand that people wouldn’t want to hear it, but surely then management should be more down on other things. Because surely using swear words etc is worse.

If the colleague could hear then it was obviously loud enough for him to hear.

I agree with teh PP above, I wouldn't want to hear about that either! A private conversation where I had asked for the information, then yes!

What is a diva cup?

YANBU. God forbid a man has to hear anything other than ‘flirty bantz’ and swearing! It might make his penis fall off!

Male colleague has been made to feel uncomfortable at work by virtue of your girly chat. (your words)

However no one has raised that they are uncomfortable by banter or sweating (your words)

That's the difference.

I suppose the colleague can feel uncomfortable about anything but I just think with management is seems to be one rule about one thing and another for another thing.

We had a colleague who really enjoyed rating the women, discussing porn etc, very loudly in our office.

He sat next to the photocopier.

He got quite upset when me and a female colleague were discussing FGM. Very quietly.

If you try to have a word with management about the banter and tone of conversation in the office, they tell you that you have to be tenacious in sales and maybe it isn’t there for you. Whereas I mention a vagina and get a word from management. It does seem a bit double standards. Like the men can say anything but the women can’t.

Well have you complained about the swearing?

But it's not a management 'rule' is it ? Someone has specifically raised that they are personally uncomfortable with a particular conversation. So unless you like breaching employment law and enjoy deliberately making this colleague uncomfortable, I cant see why you cant accept that.

If you don't like the banter, then raise a similar complaint and get it stopped.

Banter has nothing to do with being tenacious. Tenacity means doggedly sticking at something. Perseverance.

That’s my point though. When people have raised comments before about the lad culture in the office nothing has been done. In fact they’ve been told that the job might not be for them.
I don’t want anyone to feel uncomfortable but when people regularly speak about horrendous things then one woman mentions periods there’s an entire process, does seem a bit pathetic.

Yanbu. I'd ask them to clarify what the conversation rules are in the office so you can be sure to follow them in future. Does indeed sound like double standards.

Yanbu, I don't understand why periods are so taboo! We need to make it normal, it's not gross or disgusting, it's a natural function of the female body. So while not everyone wants an update on how your period is going, a conversation about a diva cup shouldn't be cause for complaint (unless you pulled one out of your vagina for an action shot).

Personal dignity surely extends to anyone being subjected to 'banter' - and having worked in a call centre I know how painful, sexist and inappropriate that can be- who doesn't want to be and those complaints should be dealt with as swiftly as this poor little man who can't cope with acknowledging the menstrual cycle.

Actually, this is discrimination. You can talk about these things at work, it's the problem if the male colleague and manager if they don't like it.

You could have an informal chat with HR to find out their stance on the matter for your company, and if they agree, they need to take educational action.

Yanbu, I don't understand why periods are so taboo! We need to make it normal, it's not gross or disgusting, it's a natural function of the female body.

So is masturbating but I don't want to hear graphic details about that that either.

If people just retained a little personal dignity and had certain conversations in private, all would be well with the world .

Actually, this is discrimination.

How?

YWNBU!

Make colleague should learn not to listen into other people's conversations. And remember that half the world's population is female.

(I'm assuming you were explaining the functionality of a menstrual cup, rather than the gorey details of what a woman might see in it... )

If people just retained a little personal dignity and had certain conversations in private, all would be well with the world .

How is explaining what a diva cup is forgoing dignity? Surely it's just sharing product information with someone who has a vested interest in that type of product.

I feel like I want to talk about my periods because they're a totally normal thing for women. So I shouldn't be ashamed and at times they do effect my life so I don't think you're being unreasonable.

@Crunchymum

What is a diva cup?

I never understand when people post questions like that on a thread. You’d get a quicker answer typing the exact same words into Google.

So you wouldn't have any problems with two men in earshot at your desk discussing how they deal with any issues with their foreskin, scrotum or maybe most comfortable position of their penis in underwear during warmer weather? (If men ever discuss these things!!!!)

It was tmi for the environment you were in.

@MyOpinionIsValid because menstruation is part and parcel of being female rather than male. Women can talk about it in the same way they can talk about breastfeeding and shouldn't be asked to not talk about it within appropriate context.

It was discriminatory of the male employee to raise an issue with management. He took offence at something based on their gender.

This resulted in two females to be asked to not have those conversations by a person of authority. This action was also discriminatory towards gender equality in the workplace.

You can't be called up on something because of your gender. That's against the law.

Hence OP should speak to HR to get the company's formal opinion.

Was the manager male or female? And did the male colleague actually complain to your manager or manager just presume they wouldn't want to hear as they are a male?

If someone had complained of an upset tummy and someone else told them about some anti diarrhoea medication, would that have been disapproved of? Diva cups are not any more or less inappropriate than migraines or diarrhoea or feeling ropey from a night out. Seriously