What does “financially secure to have children” mean to you?

[Conflicted121]

I have read so many threads where people have discussed being “financially secure” when considering starting a family and being nosey, I wonder what this means to different people.

I know childcare is a major worry but do people think past this?

For disclosure, mine are all older now but we have never had more than 3 months overheads in savings. Debt is low. Drive 20 year cars. We found childcare expensive and so I took a career break to be a SAHM. That was the hardest time and I went without more often than not but i loved it.

So when people are talking about “financial security” are they talking about keeping up the holidays, cars and sending DC to university or is it simply being able to afford the cost of everyday living.

Home owner, able to afford things like life cover/ insurances etc. Already married (no big weddings to pay for). Able to afford cars, good disposal income for days out (national trust membership, trips out, maybe one trip to Europe a year), being able to afford baby groups, good quality clothes and shoes. Living in a nice comfortable home.

Being able to have one parent work part time- I would consider this the most important.

This is just what I wanted though, everyone will think differently when it comes to finances and what they deem essential.

I wanted enough for childcare and to cover maternity leave because I’m self employed and would hate to give it up.
I don’t think I’d have had kids if I had any doubts about paying my rent and bills each month.
Dh and I were in a one bed flat before ttc and I think we’d have got very much on each other’s nerves as a family by now if we’d not moved somewhere bigger.
And now dc are older I’d hate them to be unable to go to university if they want and can get the grades. I feel like since I was able to do that I should really be able to provide it fir my dcs.

Being in a position where you have housing security, can provide for all basic needs without outside help. Provide for some sort of enrichment for the child(ren) eg swimming, dats out etc

I had mine young and before I was really grown up enough to understand how finances worked. I muddled by with a mix of being SAHM, part time work and tax credits etc. I was lucky that when I had mine staying home was considered more normal than it is these days where people seem to pressure mums back to the work place earlier and earlier. Back when I had my first a single parent could be on IS until their youngest was 12yo.

It was hard work and we didn’t have much but now my eldest children are adults I’m retraining and increasing my earning potential for when the youngest grow up etc and i feel more secure. I do believe you can plan a bit too much and life doesn’t always go how you intend.

DH and I came from very humble backgrounds where everything was so tight and even the basics were a treat .
For us it meant that we have the option and freedom to make decisions that arent constrained. Being a home owner in a very good area with good schools was important. Being a sahp and being more than comfortable was important.
We want to be able to provide DC with great opportunities and travel without hesitation. Basically whatever we grew up without.

The thing is though, you can be as 'financially secure' as you think you need to be, but life doesn't always co-operate with your plans.

In my personal situation, we were both in good 'secure' jobs at the same company, owned our 3 bed house (reasonable mortgage), no other debt, married and mid 30s. Pregnant with first child and our company suddenly collapsed. There was no warning, basic government paid redundancy (and waited 4 months for that).
However, we coped, as you do.
If I had not been already pregnant, we would have absolutely not ttc at that time, but we did manage ok with our circumstances. We obviously had some struggles, it's not ideal to both be out of a job on the same day! But everyone struggles, own way or another.

My point is that you do get the odd curve ball and the key strength to have (I think) is resilience.

Our daughter is now almost 20 - our mortgage is very nearly paid and I still worry about money!

I think the answers here are more representative of the users of mumsnet than the general population. I think the population would nosedive if everyone waited until they were as financially secure as many on this thread do. Most people won’t have paid off their mortgage before they have kids (very few I would imagine). Many don’t have six months savings.

We were lucky we were financially secure when DD was born; we were older and have a lot of equity in our home and had some savings. Many people just muddle by. And it doesn’t make them bad parents

I see that some people refer to the fact that if you recieve any benefits, you’re not in a fit position to have children. I disagree. Many that recieve benefits are working. Lots of jobs at minimum wage are absolutely crucial for a civilised society.

Those that look down on those with less money usually were lucky in one way or another

In hindsight I wish we waited until we were more financially secure, I got pregnant with DD1 with very little savings, back in the days of no tax credits or paid mat leave, subsided childcare ditto with DD2 and she was unplanned.

Hence I went back to work when both were about 3 months old, we were lucky that MIL and SIL could help out with childcare.

We had income below median income but both DH and I earned ok, neither of us were on NMH. We at least owned our own home and had a car even if it was an old banger and did have some money to buy new baby stuff - prams etc. And we had two girls so it was easier in terms of handy downs.

We have managed ok over the years, no fancy abroad holidays or cars or gadgets. But we have had the odd luxury here and there,

If we were in absolute dire financial straits I know I wouldn't have gone through with the pregnancies.

NMW that should be.

Do people mean ‘can afford not to live off the state?’

Hah! When we had kids we had a 7 figure mortgage, depleted savings, a house needing full renovation and two full time crazy busy jobs.

If we waited to be mortgage free, comfortably set up with loads of savings, we’d be childless right now! We totally winged it back then

Having savings, not living pay day to pay day.

Granted you can have both those things before having a child and then circumstances can change afterwards meaning there are no savings and you are in fact living pay day to day. But ideally speaking not be in that position beforehand.

Yep I agree about the payday thing.

My Grandma always says ‘if you have to wait until payday, you can’t afford it’. Completely true.

We incurred debt renovating our home- we want to pay our credit cards off and have our outgoings down so that we can both work part time for a few years. So I reckon I will be 29 before we start trying- is that old enough but also young enough iyswim?

For us it was having a very small mortgage and enough to get them through school.

For me?
Married
Mortgage debt only
Enough saved to supplement mat pay to take a year off

One and two are done
Three is a work in progress