What does “financially secure to have children” mean to you?

[Conflicted121]

I have read so many threads where people have discussed being “financially secure” when considering starting a family and being nosey, I wonder what this means to different people.

I know childcare is a major worry but do people think past this?

For disclosure, mine are all older now but we have never had more than 3 months overheads in savings. Debt is low. Drive 20 year cars. We found childcare expensive and so I took a career break to be a SAHM. That was the hardest time and I went without more often than not but i loved it.

So when people are talking about “financial security” are they talking about keeping up the holidays, cars and sending DC to university or is it simply being able to afford the cost of everyday living.

For us it was:

• able to pay all costs on either salary
• able to afford income and life insurance
• six months of outgoings in savings

Big upside side effect is the knowledge that if either of us became miserable at work we could afford for that person to become a SAHP until they found what they wanted to do. It lifts a lot of clouds.

Marriage, a decent joint income that covers childcare, own home, at least a years savings and no debt. I also wanted to be able to cover the costs should one of us lose our jobs etc. So many give up work and then can’t support themselves let alone a child when the relationship goes pear shaped which so many do.

For me it was married (or associated legal protection), mortgage, some savings, being able to cover our costs on 1 salary in the event of one of us losing our job or having to leave work for family reasons. We wanted to be able to cover childcare costs as well.

Some MN criteria would mean we would never have kids (e.g. 6 months savings, mortgage free, and enough income to cover private school fees for 2 children).

In stable employment, skills or educated to a level that means you have prospects, not living hand to mouth, able to afford maternity leave.

Tbf, being from a working class background, most of the people I know wouldn't have reached this level of stability before having children.

If everyone waited until they had a career, house and could afford childcare the birth rate would drop off the charts. Clearly there is something wrong with the way our society is set up!

In an ideal world:

• Parent(s) in paid job(s), mother has the right to some paid maternity leave (SMP or Maternity Allowance) and has the option of a job to go back to.
• Secure housing (own home or secure tenancy).
• No debts other than mortgage.

But in the real world, unemployed women get pregnant and unemployed men become fathers, people live in insecure private rented housing, people have debts - and many of them manage to scrape by. I imagine it can be stressful though.

I think the bottom line is that outgoings should not exceed income, unless you have savings to cover it and a plan for when the savings run low!

so you don't have to use taxpayers money to raise them

Definitely. If you need benefits then the household can’t afford a child.

We are saving enough to cover income deficit during shared parental leave, to cover our individual pension deficits due to shared parental leave, and to go traveling during the overlap in parental leave.

To those saying that people on benefits shouldn't have kids, do you include people with disabilities in that?

It's fucked up enough that your basically saying that poor people should forfeit the right to a family.

I think we really need to start asking ourselves why we live on a society that makes it so impossible to afford children. Even for those in full time work.

To me financially secure meant able to continue working / pay childcare and ultimately school fees / pay mortgage and meet all the costs of living without assistance .

For us it was to be able to afford to live on one wage.

Sorry, I should have added - or be able to afford to work and pay for childcare.

(It makes more sense for me not to work at all)

In my head I wanted to reach a certain position in work and be earning a certain amount to cover childcare whilst still being able to live comfortably. Whilst the father of my child was a relatively high earner I didn’t take this into consideration as I knew there was a possibly he might one day leave.

For us, it was just managing on one wage.
Babies hardly cost anything if you bf and don't pay for childcare.

To have enough money to bring up your kids without relying on benefits.

@chitofftheshovel how can you pay for the roof and bills but also not pay for childcare? Do you have family/friends that help out?

For us it was to be happy with our mortgage and outgoings - being able to live off one salary so we had choices when it came to the end of Mat leave. Saving whilst pregnant to cover mat pay so I could enjoy it and take the full year. To have enough savings to cover a few months joint income, just in case! We're both 31 with one DC under one and I feel we made the right decisions financially for us.

There is never a right time to have a child. Children cost-a-load - end of.

We have children because it is a biological imperative - all this agonising over exactly the right moment is a fruitless waste of life.

We had paid off the mortgage and had enough savings to live on without income until both kids started school (we are working, so the savings will be mostly intact, but if anything happens to our jobs we will be OK).
It’s possible because we have a modest standard of living. Paying double on the mortgage in our 20s also had a big impact.

Wow some people saying 6 months to a years worth of salary saved...mortgage free?!

Interesting how much this varies person to person! For me it means being married, having our own home (mortgaged), no debt, a maternity package and the ability to be able to afford mat leave with a bit of money stashed away for this - a few £k not loads. As others have mentioned the ability to raise children without the help of the state.

I wanted to be able to manage mortgage and bills on my wage should dh lose his job. I had enough savings to top myself up when on smp and any unexpected expenses that might crop up. Otherwise we were good to go, we have a mortgage, one car and neither of us spend much on clothes or going out. Some people are of the impression that the standard of your living shouldn't decrease when you have kids, if that were the case then a lot less people would have kids us included. I don't think there is ever a perfect time to have kids but people should not be naive when it comes to costs.

For me it was mostly about job security- in my late twenties I went from one short term contract to another, and didn’t get made permanent til my early 30’s. Being in a position where I could be fairly sure I have a job that entitles me to maternity pay and knowing I have a job to come back to after maternity leave is the main thing.

For me it was to be debt free (including no mortgage), a decent savings pot and for us both to be able to work enough hours to pay the bills but also to get as much time with the kids while they are young.

We didn’t start having kids until our mid 30s though. I know that’s not everyone’s ideal but it worked for us.

In a few years time we are planning on ramping up work again for a few years. The kids will be teenagers then. We will make a concerted effort to save for retirement then as we haven’t got enormous pensions.

To me, being financially secure means having a reasonable steady income and not many debts.

What I wanted for me in terms of financial security
-marriage - committed, with joint financial responsibility

• both with steady, skilled jobs

- an owned home, with a mortgage and bills that either of us could pay independently, with enough left for childcare, should one of us become sick/die (insurance too). - enough in savings to feel comfortable - no debt.

Everyone will have their own thresholds.

For us it meant being able to afford the mortgage, bills and basic expenses on dh’s salary alone. I did work, before we had our first ds, but we chose to budget based only on dh’s salary, so what I earned was not financially essential. In particular, we chose to buy a smaller house, so the mortgage was smaller and we could afford it on just his salary.