A 'partner' is someone you are in a LTR with, probably cohabiting, not someone you met last month or are dating.

[RubberTreePlant]

It means life partner not shag partner.

AIBU?

I use the term partner as boyfriend seems weird...but I like him calling me his girlfriend. That's probably double standards. I'm early 30's, he has just turned 40. we live together.

I hate the fiance thing, personally don't think being engaged means as much as people make out. I don't understand long engagements, you're either married or you are not. you have no legal rights or entitlements being engaged.

It's not that big a deal I guess but YANBU.

I think the term 'partner' originated as a way to describe a long-term well, partner to whom you were not married but with whom you perhaps had children and lived together. It seemed a bit silly referring to such a person as a 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend' given that you had major commitments to one another similar to those of married couples. But now it's used to refer to anyone you happen to have shagged more than a few times. It is a bit silly.

This doesn’t really bother me although I do a bit of an face.

What also doesn’t bother me but apparently riles a lot of posters who take offence at someone calling the mother of their long term partner their MIL - because apparently when you’re not married that isn’t true

When I was younger and in an ltr, I used to think bf sounded much more recreational than partner ( which sounds a bit legal, like a firm of solicitors), but now I’m old, bf sounds a bit odd.

I like 'date' for the older pre-partner.

Gender neutral, refers to the 'dating' stage, pre-commitment.

Only problem is that it clouds the waters for some. I'd personally never like to date more than one person at a time (not judgemental - just not enough of a people person to sustain more than one romantic attachment at a time) so for me the trajectory is:

Dating (exclusive, uncommitted)
Partner (exclusive, committed)
Wife (exclusive, legally committed)

Whereas others date in two stages - non-exclusive and exclusive.

I like the term partner: as in 'partner in life'. Me and DP have been together 8 years, live together (own a house) so it's definitely more than just 'dating' and I don't want to call him my boyfriend cos then I sound like a teenager

Also I like the fact that partner is an equal term for both; wife has negative connotations for me (just because of stereotypes of what a 'wife' should be, no offense to anyone here).

Him outdoors?

When someone I don't know well refers to their "partner" I always wonder if they've chosen a gender-neutral term because they're hiding a same-sex relationship...

I really can’t get my ahead around why people come on here, whinging that their boyfriend/girlfriend doesn’t want to remarry. Very odd

Some people are happy to remarry.

My mum has been married 3 times. Her second husband left after 9 months and demanded half the house that she bought with the proceeds of her first divorce.

Her solicitor responded telling him it was fine, but if pre martial assets were to be split they would also include the kids (me and dbro) as part of the obligations and seek child support. He backed down.

But she went and married someone else. Again. They have been together years. But again, she would lose half the house and has never worked more than part time and is in her 60s. She wouldnt be able to buy again. I don't get why she did it its not a happy marriage and I am sure that's the reason she stayed.

Everyone is different. But it's interesting that people assume that it's the woman that's wants to marry and the man doesnt.

Dp would marry me, even offered to sign a pre nup. I am just not bothered.

I refer to my husband as my partner but I think he’d prefer to introduce himself a my long term shag.

You could use 'the old man' and 'er indoors' 😂😂😂

To me a partner is someone you share something significant with - a child, a home, a business. If you are not living together and don't have a child together and are not married to each other, then I would use boyfriend/girlfriend. I think using partner in that situation tries to confer a level of commitment that's not actually there.

That said, it really is up to the person in the relationship to use the word that they want, its not something I could be too bothered about.

I’ve got no issues with ‘partner’ however long couples have been together. You could always say “current partner” if you’re unsure it has a future.

I’ve been with my Other Half nearly 25 years so I think I’ve probably earned the right to call him my Partner. Although, as you can see, I usually call him my Other Half.

Lol. But @ElizaPancakes it isn't true! They only become in-laws, if you join the family, in law. And if you're not married, you haven't.

I agree that some posters tend to get somewhat lost in focusing on the technicality, rather than the post at hand. But it isn't the "truth" of the relationship. And can be misleading depending on the context of the post.

A bit like (as previous posters have mentioned) a poster referring to an issue with a "partner", who's actually just some guy they've been dating for a couple of months. The answers would be different depending on the context of the post. And a misunderstanding of language can change advice.

I also get shocked by the amount of posters that will post

'I have been with dh 5 years. We are splitting up. Any advice?'

But it turns out the dh is actually is a dp. Or they call them dp and it's actually dh.

Then theres 100 posts, where people have taken some time to reply. Just to find that actually the advice doesnt help as the poster is misrepresenting the relationship.

Labels and words, and their meanings, do matter!!!

One of the reasons I love being married is that I don't have this awkwardness any more!

Partner surely refers to a couple who live together and are in a serious relationship.

Boyfriend/girlfriend is when you don't live together, but consider yourself in a relationship.

Dating is meeting up with a potential bf/gf but you are not yet in a relationship.

Surely this is all regardless of age!

It's not so much about the length of the relationship but the seriousness of it; basically if you see yourselves as being together for the long term (i.e. not just having a bit of fun for now) but are unmarried then it's partner. Well that's how I see it anyway.

Give me a premature use of Partner over references to The Hubster any day.

What also doesn’t bother me but apparently riles a lot of posters who take offence at someone calling the mother of their long term partner their MIL - because apparently when you’re not married that isn’t true hmm

I call my SIL my SIL even though she’s not married to my brother. They have been together 12 years and have a child together.

@AskingQuestionsAllTheTime - I like the term POSSLQ - hadn't heard that before!

For LGBETC wouldn't it just be PoSSSLQ (Person of Same Sex Sharing Living Quarters)?

@sar302 that’s my point. If I come on moaning about how my MIL has done and then someone snips that because we’re not married we’re not actually in laws - who cares? It adds nothing to the conversation, it’s just trying to put someone in their place.

If I’ve been with someone for years, have borne their child and live with them, have a relationship with their parents - then we’re in laws in everything apart from, well, in law I guess!

Introducing a "shag partner" might raise an eyebrow though.

Tellmemoretellmemore, you're right, just an extra s.

Would anyone else raise an eyebrow when a man who has never been married before introduced the woman he married recently as "my first wife"? I found that one seriously strange. It implies to me that he is planning on having others.

Introducing a "shag partner" might raise an eyebrow though.

Maybe pass it off as an ornithological thing?