To think 4 months isn't too early for wedding invites?

[thiddlinggubbins]

Friend is getting married at the end of October and by the sounds of things is keeping it quite small (less than 50 people). DH and I have known for a couple of months and have just received the invite. A mutual friend is also going to the wedding and over coffee today mentioned it's "far too early to send out invites". Is it? I don't suppose it matters does it? I thought 4 months was pretty standard?

I've always had them 8-12 months in advance, I think we'll be doing the same for ours.

Who would possibly moan about to much notice?!

Who would possibly moan about to much notice?!

Exactly! Especially as she already knew the date.

I don’t get Save The Dates. I guess they were a response to the notional 6 weeks not being enough. Surely it would be more efficient (and cheaper, and more environmentally sound)to just send invitations at the time Save The Dates happen. I’ve never had a save the date. Must be my age.

Wedding in October, probably need seating plans and numbers for venue by late August.

August is the month after next, baring in mind, granny, uncle bob and one of the bridesmaids will ‘forget’ to reply and the bride will have to chase them up (because let’s face it, the groom won’t)

Then cousin Alex will forget to say if he’s bringing a plus one and that will need chasing, then Auntie Christine who is a devout vegetarian will not have ticked the box indicating any specific menu requirements and that will need sorting, I don’t think four months is too early.

Add to that all the people who receive their invitations then go on holiday and totally forget to rsvp at all.

No doubt someone will pop up to say they booked and planned their wedding in 2 days.

I think that’s pretty standard now, but it depends on when they expect the RSVP.

I had a wedding a couple years ago where we got the invitation a year in advance and rsvp with meal choices was demanded back 10 months before. Who the f*ck knows if I’ll be free in 10 months time?! We declined (not only for that reason).

Sounds sensible to me. Lots of time for chasing and getting final numbers sorted.

How can it be too early, that's such a weird tradition! People often have to travel and book holiday from work way in advance - I suppose that's why the save the date thing crept in, but seriously, why on earth not just send the invitation!

I found it really difficult to book accommodation for a wedding we were invited to as a family which involved travel recently. Until times and addresses are "released" you don't know whether you need to stay the night before as well as after, and where exactly to book accommodation, by which point the few reasonably priced and decent family rooms close by are already booked...

6 months sounds better than 4 to me, and the old 6 week etiquette is really just a bit of stupidity incompatible with modern life.

I had to send mine out early as the venue wanted numbers confirmed 6 weeks before the wedding at the latest.

We sent them 6mths in advance but had not done a ‘save the date’ and also will be married only just a year after we got engaged. My sister got a bit huffy saying it was ridiculously early but I find myself not caring about that

6 weeks is the etiquette

It's late. Some people may need to book time off work to attend for example if they work weekends etc. Unless it's a shot gun wedding so to speak you would expect more notice. We had invites before Christmas for a wedding this August and had received save the dates for next August early this year.

bit late in my opinion. got my neices wedding invite 12 months before

Ive got invites for a post elopement party going out now for June 2020. Even with that much notice a fair few of my close friends won't be able to make it because we work for the NHS and could not possibly be guaranteed special dates. I'm not even guaranteed to get my own wedding day off.

I think the more notice given the better! If I want to go to the wedding then I can say I'll be free because it'll be in the diary and I'll decline any other offers that come along.

I am always gateful for as much notice as possible. We received a 6 week invite for a wedding in August, no children invited, on an offshore island location. AND they gave us shit for not attending because 'they'd given us 6 weeks notice'. I would have had to cancel our family holiday, lose the deposit on that, find some crazy person willing to take three children including a baby for a whole long weekend, and my children would not have had their summer holiday at all, so we could attend the wedding
I think 4 months notice is considerate.

Six weeks may be the etiquette but that dates frm a time when families and friends weren't as scattered. People got married at their local church, then had the reception in a local pub, church hall, or in their own stately home like Downton. Six weeks was fine then.

Now, both male and female work full time, people get married in all sorts of venues, families and friendship circles are widely scattered, often including air flights, and schools are iffy about taking children out of school. The more notice the better. That etiquette is out of date.

It would be too late for me unless I had a save the date before as you have to book any annual leave six months ahead. We sent ours six months before and people struggled to get hotels even though there was nothing special on that weekend

We did our day invites a year before. We want everyone there and it's in the school holidays so don't want people going away. We didn't bother with save the dates. Not sending out evening invites until 3-4 months before.

I'm not even guaranteed to get my own wedding day off.

Oh no @MissPhonic what is it you do in the NHS?

6 weeks really doesn't seem like enough notice. I probably wouldn't be able to get time off at that short notice unless it happened to be on a date nobody else had booked off and there were no team meetings etc.

'6 week etiquette is really just a bit of stupidity incompatible with modern life'.

This in a nutshell. The more notice the better, including Save the Dates

6 weeks may have been the norm years ago because it worked well but most venues nowadays will want definitive numbers and the full amount paid by 6 weeks before. So you need rsvps answered by then.

Save the dates a year before and invites 6 months before is pretty normal for us, I'd say 4 months is on the late side.

When I got married it was 6 weeks for invitations, and DM and MIL were quick stickers for wedding etiquette. Now i would be mighty pissed off if I was only given 6 weeks notice - we books so many things do far in advance, I likely couldn't attend a wedding with that short notice. But give me 4 months or so, then yes, probably I could go (well, only if I really wanted to but that's different issue).

Im sending mine very early because my wedding is in a prime month, so if people want to come they have plenty of notice if they have other things planned, like holidays.

I've never understood the save the date cards. Seems like a money making scheme for card companies!

If you know the details just send out the invitation so people know. We book holidays several months in advance. 3 months notice is nothing really.

Why stick to outdated traditions when modern days have moved on. In the past people didn't venture far from home so much and work didn't factor in so much. Times have changed.