I’ve been unreasonable and can’t deal with it

[ConfusedKoala]

I have/had a lovely DP who I love more than anything. Ive struggled with saying no to alcohol in a social setting and once I start I can’t seem to stop. Both my parents have alcohol issues so I’m disappointed that I haven’t been able to go drink-free.

I intended to have one glass of wine with evening food with my friends and when I woke up the next day I’d been drinking all night and I’d called my ex then turned up at his house. It was to argue, I don’t have any feelings for him he just recently did something horrible towards me and I got in a drunken rage wanting to fight.

I admitted everything and my DP has left me, I’ve hurt him and I don’t think there’s any going back. He doesn’t believe that I don’t want my ex and that’s that.

I would have never done anything of the sort sober and I promised previously I would stop drinking coz things like this keep happening. I believed I could do it but now Ive broken that promise, and not just the once.

I’m absolutely heartbroken. I’ve accepted full responsibility and just have to accept that I’ve lost the love of my life because I couldn’t turn down a few drinks (I even went out to see my friends without any money to stop myself)

I’m so ashamed and I know IABU, has anyone got any advice? I don’t know how to move on and how to stop myself drinking because I genuinely don’t want to do it (I actually can’t understand why I did)

You need to stop totally. Not one glass, not one sip. You have an issue and although you said you'd stop drinking, you having even 'just one' has broken your promise. He's likely sick and tired of broken promises and doesn't want to live his life that way - totally understandable.

Get help, now. Because if you don't, this WILL happen again.

Don’t find a man who makes you forget about drink 😐

Find yourself, sort yourself out before getting into any relationship.

AA meetings are not only in city’s, they are in more rural places too as there are people all over with drink problems. Speak to your gp and they can point you in the right direction.

Good for you, ConfusedKoala.

There is bound to be an AA group not that far from you, they are all over the place. If you drive it will help.

I feel so sorry for you but I believe you will be OK if you accept help and exercise a little self control. You're only 30, you have many interesting years ahead if only you are well.

Do you mind me asking, have you been drinking to excess for a very long time or is it fairly recent?

I binge drink in the town at weekends and used this to justify me “not having a problem” because I’d associate alcohol problems to needing a drink in your hands at all times. It seems I’ve been in denial for literally years

That’s how my sister was able to justify her drinking and deny her alcoholism. She left it too late and lost her children. I’m so glad you have begun to recognise this. It’s the very first step to recovery, in my opinion. 💐

I hope this is your rock bottom and you can find the help you need.

And all the people saying a good partner wouldn’t leave or find another guy are complete and utterly uneducated about addiction.

I too hope this is the event that sparks your recovery, OP, you stand to lose so much more if you continue on the path you are currently on.

Koala, the true 'love of your life' is (and should be) yourself.

Love yourself, honor yourself first and, with help and determination, you will conquer this.

Thank you all so much

bluerussian I’ve been drinking since I was a teenager, came from a really broken home. Domestic violence and both parents were drunks (but separated so at either house I couldn’t escape). Once I got pregnant with my first child I cut everything down (didn’t drink when pregnant but was desperate for one after giving birth). As the years have gone by I’ve only ever drank when I didn’t have the kids when I was “going out” with my friends. But I’d be the one ending up in really dangerous situations and taking it too far. I’ve drank so much over the years I’ve irreparably damaged my stomach but just convinced myself it was normal as I wasn’t doing it during the week anymore

S1aidSucks That’s my biggest fear, thank you so much for sharing your story with me

I’ve emailed a local Alcohol addiction support service and I’m going to push myself to attend a drop in session, hopefully it’s a start

Sorry, but some 'friends' you have if they have not stopped you???
When I used to go out, we would stop a friend who would have too much to drink and made sure we got them in a cab and that they got home with the right address- yours clearly enjoy seeing you out of control. Change friends!

Maybe I misjudged, as I read some more of the answers, but surely your friends saw you have had too much.

Something positive may come out of it, and hopefully you and your partner will find a way to mend the relationship!

You sound sensible and determined. Good luck OP. You're making a good change, won't be easy but admitting the problem is the biggest step. Well done.

Good luck OP. Maybe join some facebook groups for moral support stopping drinking as well as the AA/GP. You got this.

Hello OP! How are you feeling now? Look, rehab isn't anywhere near as bad as it seems. I know it seems daunting and terrible and like "oh it can't be that bad surely" but honestly its just for normal people that need some help. It feels like going to the GP. You just sit in a waiting room and then talk (honestly, mind you!) to a key worker and they sort you out with a substance psychiatrist and a counselor. They're really marvellous. I'm not saying it'll be easy but it might not be as hard as you think.

Also just to say you don't have to go "into" rehab. You can be an outpatient like I was...you visit once a week to check in. They're really helpful, as long as you show up, they'll help 👍

Regardless that your friends didnt know i wouldnt let me legless mate go home alone

good luck in recovery

Was thinking of you today @ConfusedKoala and hoping all is well with you.

Just keep on plugging away.