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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Me or DH regarding DIY?

27 replies

wovenbasketcase · 27/06/2019 08:51

We've recently moved into a beautiful house. I am doing some decorating and as this is my dream home I want to make it perfect. I There is the odd thing I cannot do for example light fittings and curtain poles so dh does that. However, when anything like that needs doing he complains that I've got the hardest type of whatever it is to put up, then acts like he's doing me a massive favour, that he is humouring me etc. I am gradually starting to get to the point where I think sod it, I'm not going to bother trying to make a nice home for us. FYI he works full time quite stressful job, I work 3 days. 2 dc over 10. But these are the only things I get him to do in the house.

OP posts:
DirtyDennis · 27/06/2019 08:52

Don't ask him, find a local handy-person and pay them to do it.

Settlersofcatan · 27/06/2019 08:54

I would offer him the choice between paying a handyman and him doing it. Or you could learn to do it yourself?

I hate DIY and would hate being nagged into doing it.

BlueSkiesLies · 27/06/2019 08:55

Save the jobs up, get a handyman in for a day

BlueSkiesLies · 27/06/2019 08:56

although the last handyman I had complained bitterly about how hard my walls were.... yes mate, that is why I'm paying you and not doing it myself!

thecatsthecats · 27/06/2019 09:03

You want your house to be perfectly decorated - fine.

Your DH in all probability doesn't massively care about the perfect curtain poles, otherwise he wouldn't see it as such a burden.

He's better at DIY than you, but you seem to assume that makes him expert. He would probably say to your 'sod it, I'm not going to make a nice home for us', 'look, I don't care which specific curtain poles, I just want the ones that I can fit!'.

Long story short... get a handyman.

haveuheard · 27/06/2019 09:08

I do all the DIY in my house. Much easier. And no I have no skills whatsoever ever. Youtube is my guide.

Original poster
wovenbasketcase · 27/06/2019 09:10

The thing is he's extremely handy and would never pay anyone to do these jobs. I have tried to do stuff myself but he has ended up redoing it as it's not quite right.

OP posts:
mrsm43s · 27/06/2019 09:16

Are you discussing this with him, asking his opinion, asking if he is able to do certain things? Or are you just steaming ahead, and expecting him to be your unpaid handyman?

I can see both sides. It sounds as though you are doing the lions share of the decorating, so its only fair that he pitches in too. But if he's not being given a say or choice in what is being done, he'll probably feel that you are piling unnecessary jobs on him.

Tallgreenbottle · 27/06/2019 09:18

Go out when he does them. Then if he moans tell him to fuck off and you're paying a handyman because apparently you married a passive agressive arsehole.

Original poster
wovenbasketcase · 27/06/2019 09:33

He's not my unpaid handyman though. It's his house too. In fairness I have been the one to choose most things as he's not very interested.

OP posts:
DogbertDogglesworth · 27/06/2019 09:39

I think that most men grump and groan when it comes to D.I.Y. Mine certainly does. That said, he did tell me that it wasn't the actual doing it, it was the thought of it. Which i understand because sometimes there's certain aspects of housework that i find to be ok once i get going with it, its just the thought of getting off my bum and cracking on with it ( i mean, its far more interesting drinking coffee while browsing the net Grin
I can't complain too much though about mine though as we spent 7 years completely renovating our home of which he did the lions share.

Rainbowknickers · 27/06/2019 09:51

My fella hates diy which is a pain when it comes to repainting the walls
I just make a point of choosing paint etc and starting the job
He can’t help but join in which makes the job quicker and like I say to him we don’t live in a mansion and once it’s done it’s done
On this basis we only have 2 bedrooms left to go (and maybe a hallway)

mrsm43s · 27/06/2019 09:52

He's not my unpaid handyman though. It's his house too. In fairness I have been the one to choose most things as he's not very interested.

I get that, but does he actually want to redecorate it?

If he's happy with the rail that's up there, but you want to change it, and just expect him to do it without any discussion or engagement, then I can see why he'd be annoyed.

Some people are happy with functional houses, some want show homes and most want something in between. Is he agreeing with you that the jobs that you decide you want done need to be done? I know my husband gets annoyed when I want to redecorate just for aesthetic reasons. He's happy to fix a broken toilet or replace a damaged work top. But when I want to change perfectly functioning curtains for blinds, just because I think it would look better, he gets annoyed, because in his mind there's nothing wrong with the curtains and I'm simply making unnecessary work for him.

It's probably about communication and getting him to engage with the process.

echt · 27/06/2019 09:54

But if he's not being given a say or choice in what is being done, he'll probably feel that you are piling unnecessary jobs on him

What has the OP said that he's not being consulted or that the jobs are unnecessary.

He's being an arse, wanting it both ways. Talk to him, say he has to accept your DIY/do it himself or accept paying for a handyman.

echt · 27/06/2019 09:55

If he's happy with the rail that's up there, but you want to change it, and just expect him to do it without any discussion or engagement, then I can see why he'd be annoyed

Has the OP suggested this lack of discussion?

TheSerenDipitY · 27/06/2019 10:07

just tell him its ok seeing as he doesnt want to do things to help make the house a home, that you will hire a man to come do it, dont say handy man... he will either say no no i will do it or sure whatever you think honey, either way it gets done

OKBobble · 27/06/2019 10:13

He won't pay a handyman to do it? Then you pay one instead. Or do you not have access to money?

Original poster
wovenbasketcase · 27/06/2019 10:34

That would cause even bigger conflict! I will suggest getting a man to do it though but I know he wouldn't dream of it.

OP posts:
BobTheDuvet · 27/06/2019 13:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MitziK · 27/06/2019 13:37

Don't suggest it to him. Just book them, sort it and he might notice six months later then he won't have to moan at you about it.

Knittedfairies · 27/06/2019 13:46

I'd go all Nike on him and find someone to do the jobs I couldn't do. (Nike. Just do it)

Nottobesoldseparately · 27/06/2019 14:07

My attention to detail is far finer than my husband's.

He knows it, I know it, everyone knows it.

If I want to change something that is ok but offends my eye and can be done by me, I do it. If I need DH to do it, it gets discussed, the cost and time factor is taken into consideration and he says yes or no.
If no, I graciously accept this, leave it a few weeks then mention it again casually and he decides that actually he doesn't like it either.
It then gets changed.
We both know he'll end up doing what I want, but this way he does it on his own terms and everyone is happy 😊

federationrep · 27/06/2019 14:08

He's worried he'll botch it and is getting his excuses in early so if the curtain pole comes straight back down or he puts a shelf up at an angle etc etc it is your fault for having chosen the hard option. If he really won't agree to paying a handyman then either learn yourself or include him in every step, browsing online, trailing the stores, buying something that he then decides is too hard for him to deal with " that's ok we'll return it and look again". I hope you get your home just how you want it soon.

user1480880826 · 27/06/2019 14:15

Get the handyman to come while your husband is at work.

Aebj · 27/06/2019 14:18

I’ll send my husband.!! He loves little odd jobs and is good at it. He works away so I save all the jobs for him. I will change a light bulb if needs be but if it can wait, it will, if something needs painting it gets done when he’s home. I wash, iron , clean , cook and cut the grass( this is the only job we fight about as we both love to cut the grass, I love the smell) he gets to use the strimmer which I hate! If he’s home longer than a week I try and have a big project for him. ( defence force family). During the summer break he fitted a wood burner, which I’m loving now ( in Australia so it’s bloody cold and wet at the moment!)