Dreading holiday away with 'D'P

[dreadingit4]

Going abroad on Friday with my DP and leaving my 14 month old for 4 days for the first time. Not only am I dreading being away from her but I've just about had enough of his shit.

Needless to say if he had somewhere to live we would be separated but I booked and paid for this back in January for his birthday and as the day have got closer the dread and anxiety gets bigger 😒

AIBU to want to cry at the fact of spending 4 days with him constantly picking at what I do and being an all round C U Next Tuesday??

Help me get excited please 😔

Life's too short. Don't go.

You don’t have to go just because she you’ve booked and paid for the trip. Tell him to go on his own and change the locks whilst he’s away.

You really do not have to go. Tell him, what's he going to do? It might help the split along.

I wouldn't go.
Tell him why and then split up.

I wouldn't go. Tell him he can take a mate and have his bags packed when he comes. back.

If he bleats about 'not having anywhere to go' then he needs to find somewhere same as everyone else who needs to move does.

I’m struggling to understand why you would go on this holiday. The money is spent - I wouldn’t be throwing good money after bad. Stay home with your dd and let him go on his own.

Different perspective- perhaps a break is what you both really need as a couple. The daily grind can make people nit pick at each other at the silliest things. Being in a different environment might help.

ask him if he really wants to go, because youre happy to cancel if hes not excited

Don't put yourself through it.

You paid for this holiday and you're dreading it? Give yourself the gift of breaking up with him and telling him the holiday is cancelled. Do you have travel insurance? You could try claim something back from this?

You are not obliged to pretend for his sake that everything is ok. Own your feelings, you matter and you dont need his permission to end this. It will be hard of course it will but then it will be done and you can focus on yourself and your daughter. Think of your long term happiness and work towards that.

What actually made me realise that I no longer wanted to be with my husband was that I dreaded rather than looked forward to a mini break we had planned

3 years post divorce now - and no regrets whatsoever

If your relationship is absolutley dead I wouldn’t go. You’ve lost the money already whether you go or not. Accepting that, what would be the better use of that money? To have paid it out and stay at home with your DC or to have paid it out, go away with out your DC and have a shit time?

To force yourself to go because it’s paid for is like ordering a dessert you don’t really want in a restaurant because it’s part of a 2 course meal deal. When it comes it’s not very nice, eating it makes you feel uncomfortably full and bloated and you know it might make you sick but you force it down anyway because you paid for it! So your enjoyable main course and whole experience is spoilt because you were so determined to get what you paid for.

On the other hand, if there is any chance that your relationship can be salvaged I would go. I can remember sitting on a plane next to DH with nothing to say to him and wondering how we would occupy the next few days. After a couple of days away on our own, we remembered what we liked about each other and had a great time.

Another vote for don't go. Just write off the money. Some things are worth much more than £ and your mental health is one of them.

After a couple of days away on our own, we remembered what we liked about each other and had a great time.

Nice to read, a positive outcome!

Also, he's a grown man. He can find somewhere to live. It sounds as if you really need to split.

On the other hand, if there is any chance that your relationship can be salvaged I would go. I can remember sitting on a plane next to DH with nothing to say to him and wondering how we would occupy the next few days. After a couple of days away on our own, we remembered what we liked about each other and had a great time.

Yes but before you went were you actually “dreading” and could “cry at the thought” of going on holiday with him?

Send him away on his own. While he is away pack up his stuff, change the locks, book him into a local b&b for a week after he returns. Job done!

Don't go, there is no point putting yourself through it. If you feel the relationship is already over, then I would focus entirely on moving him out, not going away with him. It is sending mixed messages, and will be a complete charade. You could use the extra childcare and time to get yourself sorted out.

Amibeingdaft81

No, my concerns about the weekend were not as great as the OPs. Which is why I added the important proviso ‘if there is any chance your relationship can be salvaged’ before sharing my experience. And this was after my first two paragraphs supporting her gut instinct not to go. I tried to be even handed and look at things from more than one angle.

I’d bury his passport in the garden and go by myself. Or go together but don’t hang out! Go and do your own thing.

And break up when you get back, life’s too short to be with someone you don’t want to be with!

Why didn't you want to take your very young child abroad with you in the first place? Is she not your boyfriends daughter?

Don't go.

And if you can bear to leave baby (a break might to do you good and a change is as good as a rest), do with a friend or a relative.

@Suebnm

Why didn't you want to take your very young child abroad with you in the first place? Is she not your boyfriends daughter?

Not sure if this was your intent, but this across a but judgy. OP is presumably leaving baby in good hands.

Too late SagAloo. She went yesterday, and the guy's already been nicked for "dropping a drink".

No chance I'd go in this holiday. Leaving my baby to be alone with someone I despise. Nope.