Informal foster care

[Chloe9]

To think that there are a lot more informal foster care arrangements than people realise? I mean kids who live with other people who aren't their parents (usually relatives) but where it's not mandated by law/lead by social services but where the parent(s) ask them too due to all kinds of reasons including work commitments or mental health

I don't know anyone who is in this sort of situation. I'd imagine it's quite unusual.

I just wondered if it's something people didn't talk about? Obviously there's a lot of cases where the parents do it involuntarily due to SS intervention, but I wondered if people did it voluntarily too. I think I'd rather my kids live with family than have to be my Carers if I was in a bad accident, for instance. Or was really sick with cancer.

I agree with OP I think there is more of it than people realise but I think it depends how exposed you are to it. I work in a secondary school in a relatively deprived area and I know lots of pupils in the situation OP describes. Again it’s down to exposure

Very normal when I was growing up and I'd say it goes on now.

I only know of one family with that set up now. They were destroyed by SS when they got wind of it. Despite managing perfectly fine as a primary carer for her 3 GC SS decided the youngest was to be adopted. Whilst the 2 older ones who both have SN but are very independent could remain at home.

They were concerned she was too old (( early 50s with good family support )) so off the toddler went. Never offered any real support to the family, no offer of respite, no grief counseling. Nothing for the older two. Nothing.

It is quite common, more common than people realise. Especially with a simple parent and work commitments. The child will go and stay with nan or aunt for shift patterns. Informal fostering/adoption out of country is still quite common in a lot of communities - eg Victoria Climbe.

*single parent - not a simple one (FFS! Sorry)

@SkintAsASkintThing Wow that's really shitty.

I have come across it quite a few times and have many friends who lived with their relatives unofficially, usually a grandparent or aunt. Mostly they favoured time spent there and it just evolved into being their home without the need of making it official.

We’ve taken in several of my kids ‘friends’ over the years.

I have finally made it a formal thing, after taking in a mother and child from a foster placement.

Yes. I think it happens more than people realise. On my safeguarding course it was mentioned as a specific risk.

Private fostering, ie. without the knowledge of any authority, is associated with higher risks to a child's welfare.

If they are in school or nursery and the setting is aware of such an arrangement they now have to report it as a safeguarding concern. (Where we live, in the U.K.). Not sure of other counties.

So would they expect you to formalise it? Eg. Tell the local authority if DCs were staying elsewhere whilst the single parent had cancer treatment or similar?

It did all seem to be going on under the radar with the people I knew as a teenager. I think most times their mum was drinking their benefit money but they got fed at their aunts or Nan's. I also know one situation where the girl was avoiding her Dad as lived with him but usually it was Mums and sometimes step dads.

I worry as a single parent that my kids would prefer being elsewhere. Or about what I would do if something bad would happen. I think instead of having them taken by the state and it being SS decision I would rather ask somebody. I would hate to have them adopted out when family would be happy to have them or some such similar situation, but it sounds like an informal arrangement/ private doesn't stop that from happening

I don't know if it's the same everywhere else but our LA has something called kinship care. They deal with these types of situations & the "fosterer" can get £200 per week to help cover costs for the child.

I think kinship care normally refers to when kids are placed in the family though by the state not privately but I could be wrong?

I'm a kinship carer, or was, I now have full residence, and never had financial help from the LA. It was all done through the children's panel, so very "official".

I work in healthcare and agree that it's a fairly common arrangement. I haven't met a child I was "concerned" about in such a relationship but I have reported a few who lived with parents for safeguarding concerns.

@Chloe9 DD has lived with her grandmother for 4 years, completely private arrangement & she gets the kinship care funding. It was the finance department at college that told DD about it & she got the payment backdated.

if you are looking after a child that is not yours for longer than 28 days you must inform the local authority

so if you know it's happening please report it

We had a sad case at a school I worked at about 10 years ago. Single mum disappeared and left her daughter behind. The neighbour took pity and looked after her for a while. Once she realised social services weren't going to help this girl as long as she was doing so, she dropped the girl off at school one morning and told her she couldn't come back.
She was just sat there in reception with all her belongings in a couple of bin bags. I don't blame the neighbour for realising she couldn't carry on. But the sight of that poor girl, her whole life in bags. No one to look after her. Heartbreaking.

@ghostyslovesheets

I'm not talking about something that's going on right now but about people who were in this situation (are now adults)

How would you know whether it's official or not anyway?

@sar302

Gosh that's so sad. I wonder what happened to the mum. Domestic violence? Mental health? Addiction? Debt? Could be anything, but devastating for the girl. I suppose they tried to find the mother? Missing persons etc.?

@whiskeysourpuss

If you don't mind me asking, was that her choice or yours or a mutual decision? Does she ever stay with you or is she there full time? Sorry to be nosey

I lived with an uncle and aunt for two years as a child. no idea if the authorities knew.

any one who comes across it can inform the local authority - if they already no it's not an issue is it?

@Chloe9 If I remember correctly - it was a while ago - police and social services were called at the time, and an aunt (?) was found who would take her in. another example I suppose of the informal fostering that OP is talking about. Don't remember what happened to mum (if indeed we ever found out.)