Informal foster care

[Chloe9]

To think that there are a lot more informal foster care arrangements than people realise? I mean kids who live with other people who aren't their parents (usually relatives) but where it's not mandated by law/lead by social services but where the parent(s) ask them too due to all kinds of reasons including work commitments or mental health

I lived with my gran for a couple of years when my parents moved abroad. I don't think the LA knew, school were aware though.

the guidelines changed following the enquiry into the death of Victoria Climbie

@Chloe9 i don't mind you asking

She was a nightmare from the minute she went to high school. Wouldn't go to school, if she was literally handed into the school office in the morning she'd leave as soon as she could, she would argue that the sky was green with anyone & the arguments between me & her (we are very similar in temperament) were making life miserable for everyone.

It was decided by the school that it might be an idea if she moved to a new school but as we lived very rurally at the time there was no other school close enough so my mum suggested she go to the school there & move in with her as a short term solution (I was looking to move back to the area anyway).

DD has thrived & is turning into an amazing young woman who is studying to become a social worker. I now live 10mins away but DD stayed where she was.

Our relationship is great now, we still don't agree on everything, but we get on really well & enjoy spending time together. I don't see her every day (she's 19 & as she puts it "has a life you know") but we talk every day & are still very close.

In a government report it said that there were around 300,000 children in informal foster care. This is from page 8:-

The role of family and friends care

2.1 Most children are brought up by one or more of their parents, but it has been estimated that up to 300,000 children are cared for full time by a relative, friend, or other person previously connected with the child.1 These arrangements will be covered by a range of different legal statuses including over 7,000 looked after children who are placed with family members and friends who have been approved as their foster carers.2 All of these arrangements are referred to in this guidance as “family and friends care” although they are sometimes also referred to as kinship care arrangements

pdf file

Family and Friends Care: Statutory Guidance for Local Authorities

@whiskeysourpuss that sounds really positive and like it was the right thing to turn your daughters life and your relationship with her around. I'm pleased it worked out well for you.

I teach in FE. Lots of our 16 year old students live with grandparents/ aunts / older siblings etc and have done for most of their lives. I'd guess at between 10 and 15%. Most are unofficial arrangements

As a sixth former my friend lived with us for a few months whilst her family went through some disturbance. I was surprised my parents offered.

As a result of my mother’s mental health i was raised by my aunt and uncle, they had a formal residency order.
When I suffered a bout of severe ill health last year they informally took in my children for 4 months as i was unable to look after myself properly, let alone my children. I would see them at least twice a week, and had to send in letters to the school/ gp etc giving my parental consent that they were responsible for my children for those months.

@teenmumandsowhat

Did the LA know and did they raise any concerns? Or were they just happy you'd organised it yourself and didn't need their help? Were your kids happy and do they still see them regularly? I imagine they have more of a grandparent role?

I'm amazed at how little this is talked about. It seems such a natural result of the rise in single parents. I know that because I couldn't name ex I have to name family now in my will. But obviously there's other things that can happen than dying. My biggest worry is that because of my mental health I would become overwhelmed with the kids, or need an inpatient stay for my physical or mental health, injury or medical treatment like chemo. I do have anxiety so I do think about these things a lot and like to plan. But there must be lots of people in my position (abusive/violent ex)

@Chloe9

The LA were really not interested tbh as as far as they could see there was no safeguarding concerns etc, in fact it was very difficult to get them involved so that I could get the relevant help I needed (daily carers etc)
Yes my aunt & uncle are known as grandparents to my dc, and since they moved back with me full time February this year, we still see them at least 2-3 times a week, in fact they still have to help me with school runs etc as although my health is significantly better than what it was, its nowhere near what it used to be.

There was a psychological impact on my children, but that was more due to their lack of understanding of my condition, and thankfully their school was able to provide specialist support to help them cope and understand.

It is definitely something that happens more than people realise.

It's common - my cousin lived with my dad and his wife for a year or so after her parents had social services involved - if not she would have been placed in foster care. She went back in the end but they are still under social services as the parents split up after having two more and they live with the dad. I believe they got some funding for looking after her. I know of a few other families with the same situation where the sibling is with grandparents or aunties and uncles.

Private fostering arrangements of more than 28 days have to be reported to the local authorities.
However being looked after by close family members doesn’t count as private fostering. So a lot of the examples mentioned by PP wouldn’t qualify

A child could be mostly looked after by relatives but if they still stay with their parent some of the time and they retain PR and make the decisions then I don't think it would count? And I imagine most is hidden, so the statistics are probably very screwed