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Original poster

To be sad I won't have any bridesmaids

40 replies

Emptyspacex · 26/06/2019 15:33

Myself and other half are planning to get married may 2021, only thing is I have no friends to be bridesmaids and it's really getting me down. I've chosen two bridesmaids which are both cousins daughters but no friends of my own. I only have one close friend and she didnt have me as a bridesmaid at her wedding so I'd feel silly asking her.

Also i dont have many friends to invite at all. Two of my closest friends from a few years ago are getting married in August and they didnt invite me to their wedding. My best friend stopped seeing my after I got pregnant so can't invite her either. But DP has loads of friends to invite. I guess I'd just be embarrassed on the day with no friends there whilst dp has a whole group and more.

OP posts:
ConkerGame · 26/06/2019 15:38

Aw OP sorry to hear that. Why did your best friend stop speaking to you? Can you get back in touch with her? Also you shouldn’t feel silly asking people who didn’t ask you - that’s just the way it goes sometimes, as some women have more sisters/cousins/primary school friends etc. It doesn’t mean they don’t consider you as a close friend. I’ve got 12 close female friends so obviously can’t have them all as my bridesmaids but would be delighted to be bridesmaid for any of them.

On another note, there’s still some time before the wedding to make a new close friend.

Finally, I’ve noticed it’s becoming a bit out of fashion to have adult bridesmaids now - neither Kate Middleton nor Meaghan has them and a couple of my friends only had kids too. So you’re just doing it the posh way!

fishfingersandhummous · 26/06/2019 15:41

I don’t think it matters that people didn’t invite you to their weddings unless you know you were snubbed. Perhaps they have huge families and can’t afford that many friends to come?

Invite who you like regardless of reciprocity.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 26/06/2019 15:42

I'd say just invite the friends you would like to have there, regardless whether you attended their wedding. Likewise, if you want your friend to be bridesmaid, ask her, whether you were her bridesmaid or not.

Not that there is anything wrong with not having adult bridesmaids or loads of friends at your wedding - I just think why not ask them? Sometimes things like that can bring you closer to your friends.

JemSynergy · 26/06/2019 16:14

I didn't have bridesmaids. I went abroad to get married my dd was a little flower girl. I wasn't keen on the idea of adult bridesmaids.

MereDintofPandiculation · 26/06/2019 16:20

Isn't adult bridesmaids a fairly recent thing? When I was growing up, bridesmaids were all children of relatives or of best friends. Maybe it's to do with the rise of hen parties - you can't expect a group of 7 year olds to arrange a hen party for you.

Tallgreenbottle · 26/06/2019 16:23

We could all be rent a friend guests OP? Like in the movies 😁 Bagsy the crazy party girl from work role (because I am anything but)

WeirdCatLady · 26/06/2019 16:25

I’ll come too, I’m always up for dancing!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 26/06/2019 16:27

I only have one close friend and she didnt have me as a bridesmaid at her wedding so I'd feel silly asking her

Don't be daft; it doesn't have to be quid pro quo. If she's your friend she would be delighted to be asked.

AbGonk · 26/06/2019 16:28

I’ve noticed it’s becoming a bit out of fashion to have adult bridesmaids now - neither Kate Middleton

She had Pippa - and we had to hear about Pip's arse for years afterwards!

PhDone · 26/06/2019 16:33

I didn't have any friends as bridesmaids, - I don't have many female friends, just 5 or 6 close ones. I definitely wanted my sister, cousin and sister in law, and thought any more than that would be ridiculous, so applied the blanket "family only" rule.

Teddybear45 · 26/06/2019 16:34

Just have kids. Looks better anyway.

gingerpaleandproud · 26/06/2019 17:52

It doesn't matter that you weren't bridesmaid at your friends wedding, you can still ask her. Do you know why your best friend stopped speaking to you? That sounds really odd xx

WipeOutTo · 26/06/2019 18:00

I don't have many friends (three close ones) as I don't socialise much and I'm pretty introverted.

So DH and I eloped and had a wedding with just us! It was wonderful.

Original poster
Emptyspacex · 26/06/2019 18:24

Thanks for the replies everyone. I think I'll be okay having just the kids as bridesmaids but im secretly praying I find like 3 good friends in the next year haha wish me luck on that one.

The best friend has slowly drifted away over the last few years we are such different people in different stages of our lives. I've only seen her twice in past few years both times when I've gotten a new pet and she's wanted to meet them.

Im also worried about a hen do. I desperately want a hen do but have no one to invite or no one who would plan it.

OP posts:
Notverygrownup · 26/06/2019 18:31

2 years is ages to make good friends. Time to join a new club or activity. And to keep posting on MN. I'm sure that you will find very willing friends here to make up your hen party - and people who may become good friends for life too. Have you checked out your MNlocal page for local meet ups?

sirmione16 · 26/06/2019 18:52

If you want them there, invite them!! Weddings are a reason for people to see each other after time apart. A reason to re connect. They won't judge you if that's what you're worried about, they'll be pleased!! You never know, they might think that despite life distancing you both that they'd still be appreciated enough to be invited to your wedding!

sirmione16 · 26/06/2019 18:53

PS I got engaged and selected my bridesmaids 2 years in advance and one of them I didn't even end up speaking to in those years and then she wasn't a bridesmaids or even invited to the wedding so, yes as PP say - 2 years is a massive time for change especially social groups.

RainbowHair · 26/06/2019 19:19

I'll happily come as your guest/friend :D

updownleftrightstart · 26/06/2019 21:52

Are you pregnant now? If so then when you have a young baby seems to be a common time to make new friends.

crumpet · 26/06/2019 21:54

I had 2 child bridesmaids, no adults and also planned and organised my own hen do. Had a lovely time.

Tellmemoretellmemore · 26/06/2019 22:03

I had 3 bridesmaids - all grownups. One is unmarried. The other two were already married and I hadn't been their bridesmaids. I didn't feel it was really an issue (although honestly, I do really hope to be bridesmaid for the 3rd if/when she gets married). Not everything in life is quid pro quo.

And equally it's perfectly fine (and imo very lovely and traditional) to just have child bridesmaids.

And I'd also love to be part of Rent-a-Crowd!

jiskoot · 26/06/2019 22:10

I'm in the same boat, getting married in three months and just have my DFs two little nieces as flower girls now. Asked my oldest best friend and she initally said yes and then changed her mind as she feels too old to do it. Then asked my other close friend, she also said yet initially and then changed her mind as shes suffering from anxiety and doesn't want to be the centre of attention (!) I'm all out of friends to ask now! Getting used to the idea now, not much choice, let to fork out for dresses, shoes, hair and makeup....

EnoughLifeLessons · 26/06/2019 22:22

I get it, OP, I barely managed to scrap some bridesmaids together, mostly family. I didn't have a hen do either...I knew I didn't have enough friends that would make the effort so I told everyone I didn't want one (well, that's what I told people at work that asked me about my hen do...no one else asked...). I have "friends" i.e. plenty of people to arrange for a brunch or a lunch every once in a while. I don't have any good friends, no one bothers with me unless I make the effort and over time I have started to feel very silly. I am a natural introvert and it didn't help that my now exH didn't let me go out on my own etc which meant I lost any friends I did have along the way. My wedding day really made me realize how few close-ish friends I had...

Original poster
Emptyspacex · 26/06/2019 22:36

Aww thanks everyone I'd love to invite you all!
No I'm not pregnant but had a baby last year i didn't really have any friends before that either though.
I've joined apps like mush and peanut (meet up apps for mums) but only ever spoke to one person and that didn't come to anything.
I try to speak to people at play groups but never seem to get very far just small talk. I have one lady whos just started where I work and we talk but shes a lot older than me and we are quite different.
I'm so jealous of everyone and all their friends especially the big hen dos and baby showers etc.

OP posts:
DimplesToadfoot · 26/06/2019 22:38

Oh bless you, this is basically one of the reasons I've always refused to marry, I have zero family so no one to give me away, no one to fill 'my' side and very few friends, my bestest friend being male who'd look like a bag of spanners in a frock. Now to my older self I think how daft I was

Be brave, there was a post on here by a lass who if I remember correctly eloped up to Greta Green with 2 mumsnetters as bridesmaids.. Friends are everywhere to be made xx

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