To be sick of this school mum!!!!

[Nothappyrabbit]

Apologies if this is a bit of a rant. I am absolutely sick of a mum at school. I try my best to see the best in people and to help out where I can. This particular mum, a single parent, I have helped out with childcare, given her clothes and toys for her baby, and now she is asking me for money!

I have never complained in the past but I am starting to see a different side to her. I feel like she uses people have witnessed her being mean to her oldest child on a few occasions and her child is the most miserable child I have ever met.

On the other side I have DH, who doesn't really know anyone at school apart from this woman, so will only speak to her on the school run. I have complained about her behaviour before to him but he says that he 'doesn't get that impression of her when he's spoken to her (for all of five minutes I might add ).

Anyway, she's just asked me for money. I have already lent her £20 in the past that she never paid back. I'm just so fed up that if I tell DH this, he will minimise it again. Yet, if it was a different friend he would tell me to get rid.

Don't lend her money. Don't ask your DH to approve your friendships. Don't try to control DH's friendship with her. None of this is difficult.

Or is there a subtext that you think her and DH are too close because, otherwise, I'm not understanding why the single parent comment was made?

The single parent comment was made because it offers an explanation as to why I have helped her out in the past. Why is this being turned around as my problem? A woman pesters me for money but it's my problem?

WTAF is he doing on her Facebook? Sounds like you have a DH problem.

If she's a proper CF she's probably being extra nice to DP so that he has a good impression of her and encourages you to keep giving her stuff

She's the type who adds everyone who's ever looked in her direction...it's not unusual

You keep mentioning your OH still being buddies with her. Implies its more to do with insecurity than anything else. You want your OH to go "yes hunny, you are right" and hes not doing that. So it sounds like you are now you are stamping your feet trying to gather support from us that he should now suddenly start rudely ignoring her because youve decided you dont like her anymore.

All you need to do is say no and tell OH not to lend her money as he wont get it back. You dont really get to control who he has a couple of minute chat with at the school gates.

What is CF? I keep seeing this term.

She adds people on Facebook, why is he responding though?

Because I suppose he does know her and didn't want to ignore it. I have her on FB too.

She adds people on Facebook, why is he responding though?
Because he's being friendly? Doesn't want to appear rude when she's the only one talking to him there? Likes to have vast numbers of FB friends?
If you don't want to lend her money then don't. If you don't want to be friends with her then don't. But you can't control who he speaks to for 5 mins a day.

I have her on FB too.
So you're giving her, and DH, mixed messages then.....

He will come to the realisation one day, just as you did.

Don't lend her cash.

No, this was like 3 years ago...

I'm a single mum and would never ask anyone for anything so please do not stereotype as it can be offensive

She's not pestering you. She asked. You gave her money. She asked again. You say no.
You don't like her so stop helping her. It's odd that you try to be nice to everyone then brand her child the most miserable child you ever met.

I wasn't stereotyping about her asking. I was saying that as an explanation why I was offering her childcare and helping her out with bits and pieces.

Start to distance yourself. At the school make sure you chat to other parents and she is unlikely to ask for anything if you're talking to someone else. If she messages you looking for childcare tell her you can't do it. If she asks for cash simply say no, you don't lend money. As for your Dh, not sure you can tell him not to speak to her but I know if I had a similar situation Dh would take my views on board, so I can see why you'd be annoyed.

Did she ask for the hand me down clothes and toys? I'm a single mum and get offered stuff, I don't ask. I didn't realise that being a single mum makes me a problem mum though
If she requests someone as a friend on Facebook the person has to accept, she can't add people by herself.
Just tell her no regarding the money. I really don't see the issue but it sounds like you're more pissed off that you oh won't do as you say.

Your DH is at liberty to talk to whoever he wants to when he's doing the school run. He doesn't have to ignore her just because you don't like her; why does he have to agree with you? As long as he knows that she's asking for money and you're on the same page where that's concerned?

I don't get why you're friends with her on Facebook if you don't like her? Just because she sends you a friend request it doesn't mean that you have to accept that friend request. She probably thinks that you are friends.

Yes, she did ask for these things. This is why I am so annoyed that whilst I am trying to distance myself to stop the requests, dh seems intent on encouraging it, therefore she will never leave us alone.

Does it matter what DH thinks of her? Don't give her money, don't invite her round, hide her on SM, just distance yourself from her.

If your DH wants to chat to her, he can knock himself out as long as you don't have to interact with her yourself.

I can't see that she's done anything wrong here. She's a single parent who is your friend and she's put aside her pride to ask you for help and here you are bitching about her because she's asked for £20 and talks to your husband! Unless you're providing regular childcare and not just helping out in a squeeze like we all do at our school then I really don't see the issue.

Hmm very quickly I noticed how much you have now gone more onto DH being "intent"

Hmmm

Similar happened to me and my DH. We both knew this woman and I don't control my DH's friends.

The woman was really good at bamboozling men into thinking they'd be big strong men saving poor little her. I could not get that into his head, even though we had firsthand knowledge of her not repaying large sums of money to men we knew (one took her to court and did get a bit back). DH still "lent" her money without my knowledge. When I found out, he said "she always pays it back"....yes, until the last time, when she came up with excuse after excuse and then ignored, despite buying designer clothing, having hair & nails done and eating out regularly. He finally admitted, embarrassed, that he'd been had. She came into a large inheritance & went on multiple holidays and spending sprees - no debt repayments.

Last I heard she'd found a deep pocketed boyfriend. She left a trail of hangdog men (and a few women) throughout our sport group.

OP, I would stop helping her but have no advice on how to get your DH to see the light other than trying to limit his contact with her.

If the situation were reversed...and dh told me someone was asking him for things. I would drop them like that and would feel like the biggest idiot in the world if I kept them on as a friend. That's just how I feel.