To think my nieces have bad manners?

[BorisBadunov]

We live abroad, and we have extended a standing invitation for relatives and friends to come and visit. We’re always happy to have guests. However...

Over the last few days, I’ve had two sets of relatives announcing they’re coming to visit this summer. One set (two nieces aged 20 and 21) just emailed to say when they’re landing, and after much probing I still don’t know when they’re leaving! All they’ve said is that they will be staying with us ‘a few weeks’.

First AIBU: AIBU to expect guests to tell me how long they’re staying?

Meanwhile, another niece (different side of the family), aged 19, just emailed to say she’s coming for a week in August ‘with a male friend’. Now I know she has a boyfriend, and I would be fine with them sharing a room, but despite my asking a few times, she has still not confirmed whether she’s coming with her boyfriend or some other (platonic) friend. All I want to know is that they will be fine sharing a bed, as space is going to be tight with 4 guests all coming at the same time.

Second AIBU: AIBU to expect to be told who is coming to my house? Is it the boyfriend I know, or some random guy we’ve never met?

Are all young people cavalier like this?

I cringe when I remember some of late teens/early 20s rudeness, but one thing to remember is I did nothing I wouldn’t have minded myself if the situations were reversed.

So someone staying for however long they like? Fine. Someone smoking in my home without asking? Fine by me (Sorry Aunt Jane ). Someone bring a friend along to crash? Sure, no probs.

You’ve every right to be frustrated by this rudeness, OP, but I believe you when you say they’re good people. They’re just not thinking because for them, at this stage of life, it’s probably no big deal at all.

Enjoy their holidays!

Get their mobile numbers and set up a whatsapp group. Teenagers hardly look at email.

we have extended a standing invitation for relatives and friends to come and visit. We’re always happy to have guests
They seem to have confused you with a hotel!

They're not coming to visit you but just looking for free accommodation for their holidays.

They're not coming to visit you but just looking for free accommodation for their holidays.

Yes, I know that. That’s fine - my kids will still get to see their cousins, and that’s plenty.

we have extended a standing invitation for relatives and friends to come and visit. We’re always happy to have guests.

This is your issue.

OP I think you have a lovely nature about you and you value your family especially as you all live so far apart. It must have been such a comfort when your Mum was unwell, knowing she wasn't alone. I think your nieces simply haven't thought before emailing you, perhaps they've not even booked flights yet and if they have then the self absorbed nature that is of a teen, even older ones is probably more to blame than actual intentional ignorance.
When you see them, ensure they understand the need for clarity moving forward and definitely get their numbers.

Beyond that enjoy your time with them and I hope your DC have a blast with their older cousins.

@DM1209 💐

I have nieces this age, and can confirm this isn't unusual! I live in a place that's popular to visit, and they are really crap at sharing details, have to ask multiple times, and they always use a different platform to message from so have to check them all if I need to look up if they've sent something previously! I swear I was never this flaky...

How long have you lived abroad?

If I need to stay with my best mate abroad in an emergency she'd find room always.

But when I visit I book around her existing life and commitments there. Always. For over 10 years.

You need to learn. People take the piss. Hard and fast rules about specific times and dates.

I go year around, not just for the sun. But she learnt the hard way.

You should have said oh can you give me the dates as we have other family staying with us in the summer so we might not have room.

I had similar with a young cousin’s planned visit a few years back. Her dad had initially got in touch with me about it, I tried contacting her by email several times to see even when she planned to arrive, let alone how long she was staying. Got nothing back. I posted on MN about it at the time and the consensus was I was BU to expect a young person to even look at their email as this was apparently hopelessly old fashioned 😁. She ended up staying with my DSis in the end - she was charming but completely unorganised.