Step mother and my inheritance

[fetchmemyparasol]

My father died in 1997 he was reasonably wealthy, my step mother inherited the two houses he had plus any additional assets.
My father did not leave a will, however my siblings and I decided not to enquire what he had left.
Fast forward to two weeks ago my stepmother died, her relative a second cousin had taken her from where she had been living to his home, my brother had previously been looking after her.
As far as we were aware she had not made a will so as we are aware all her assets go to her blood relative.

We have now found out that my father was the sole owner of the house she was living in, my question to any one in the know is .
Can her blood relatives have the house or does it belong to my siblings and I who are my fathers children.
Also this cousin is now claiming that there may be a will leaving it to his family .

I should add SM got rid of everything in that flat. I was 19 and too naive, and poor, to fight it. She left me only three photos of my nan. All her albums of 6 decades, her little cheap beloved niknaks, she just binned everything so she could sell the flat and keep everything for herself and her children (not his blood).

You state that your father did not leave a will, there would have been a threshold on the amount your step mother inherited, it was £250,000 in 2009 but I think it would have been less in 1997 so if his total estate was more than the threshold his children should have inherited something back then. You can get the probate details from here www.gov.uk/search-will-probate which should tell you the value of his estate, if it looks like you should have received something in 1997 then it might be worth consulting a solicitor now.

As others have pointed out, property in the 1990s was a fraction of its worth today. My df died then and the family house was sold for £185K. I recently saw it back on the market for £1m !!!!!!

So any inheritance due would be based on assets then, not what they have ballooned to now. And those assets may not have amounted to more than the threshold the stepmother was entitled to inherit.

This identical situation has happened in my family twice.
In both cases all the assets went to the blood relatives of the second wife. The children of the deceased men got nothing, even though the properties in each case were the family homes that the children had been brought up in and contained personal property of the children's mother.

Why people don't bother to make wills I will never understand.

Before you see the solicitor it may be worth checking, in case you've been misled, that they were legally married:

www.gov.uk/order-copy-birth-death-marriage-certificate

And you can also check whether your father left a will:

www.gov.uk/search-will-probate

If your stepmother left a will it may not be available yet.

Reith - it saves upset in his own direct family and also for his acknowledged/unacknowledged children that he is leaving a token amount (a few thousand pounds) so that all children don't feel they've been left out and his legal children don't fear a legal battle from the unlegit children.

I mean he shouldn't have screwed around in the first place but according to his DD he did.

It is sad to hear all of your stories, I will talk to a solicitor.
At the time of my fathers death I do not know what is entire wealth/ assets were. the house my Stepmother has left was entirely in my fathers name she had not changed the deeds into her name, that made us think that we are entitled to it as that was our dads wishes they have already emptied her bank account as far as I am aware of a substantial amount.
They did not have power of attorney.

I will keep you updated as to how this pans out.
I hope other people who read this take the time to review there wills so the money goes to who ever you really want it to go too

Good luck OP.

Why why WHY do these men look after their children when they remarry?

@IsabellaLinton Thank you, you deserve as well, so sorry you've been through similar, cutting your family out of the obituary, that is beyond cold, makes me wonder how people change like that the moment someone dies.

Yes that is the bit that cut the most. Every thing that was of sentimental value to us just tossed like trash. Not one photo, not one momento or even tacky bit of china. I still get tearful years later thinking about it.

@YouJustDoYou How bloody awful it's gut wrenching. How people can be so cruel I don't know.

This happened to my Nan. My nans parents divorced, nans mother kept the house and the adjoining land.
Nans mum remarried and died suddenly. Nans step father inherited the lot. He didn’t have any bio children, he died a few years ago (he wasn’t much older than my Nan) and his family got everything despite it being a property that had been on my nans Mother’s side for years.
His sister was the person who inherited. She agreed to give the land back to my Nan but kept everything else.

In my case the men didn't realise that their 2nd marriage invalidated their existing wills. So the wills were very clear. So many people are utterly clueless about the law around wills and marriage.

I also think a large part of it is not wanting to upset the apple cart with the new wife. The new wife may not like/get on with the stepchildren (how many threads have we seen on here on that subject?!) or even if there is no trouble she may not want to think that she is somehow lesser than the man's former family, and also if they are younger they may have children together.

It is the oldest story in the book - eg Baron Hardup in Cinderella - and I know of so many real-life examples where a man has sailed his children down the river in order to placate the new wife.

Yes but look at Lynda Bellingham. She left her entire estate to her husband and trusted him to do the right thing (because he also drew up a will pledging to give her sons 1 million, which she brought into the marriage on his death) but instead he went in a spending spree and although they fought through the courts and eventually got something, before it was all spent, her sons have still been shafted out of most of what they were due.

<a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=willwritten.com/legacy-advice/lynda-bellinghams-sons-betrayed-as-feared&ved=2ahUKEwj4ysrn34bjAhVeQkEAHcFSDVgQFjAYegQIBxAB&usg=AOvVaw2v_lPyYOoMAryZTN11akB5" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=willwritten.com/legacy-advice/lynda-bellinghams-sons-betrayed-as-feared&ved=2ahUKEwj4ysrn34bjAhVeQkEAHcFSDVgQFjAYegQIBxAB&usg=AOvVaw2v_lPyYOoMAryZTN11akB5

So I think through the sentiment of love, people genuinely trust and believe their new partners will do the right thing. But when money's involved decency and fairness often go out the window and perhaps they don't know their partners so well after all.

So many people are utterly clueless about the law around wills and marriage.

This is the crux of it. And I'd also add that bringing this up whilst someone is still alive does seem quite distasteful i.e. "By the way dad, you do know that now you're married to {step-woman} if you were to die she'd get everything and we'd have to depend on her good will to give us anything of your estate."

I can understand how much an unpalatable conversation that would be, given that the owner of the estate might not necessarily be in ill health or whatever.

I also think a large part of it is not wanting to upset the apple cart with the new wife. The new wife may not like/get on with the stepchildren (how many threads have we seen on here on that subject?!) or even if there is no trouble she may not want to think that she is somehow lesser than the man's former family, and also if they are younger they may have children together.

Absolutely right, sadly. Ours was the stereotypical wicked stepmother who resented our very existence because we reminded her that our father had loved someone else. Our dad wanted a quiet life and hated confrontation, but it was the expense of his children’s happiness. She made our lives a misery for years, and he buried his head in the sand and pretended all was well. We still loved him, but we didn’t like or respect him.

VladimirsPoutine - ok it may be a tricky conversation to have but there's been a trend in solicitors firms recently to get families to talk re wills between themselves.

From working in a solicitors for approx 8 years, so many people still don't realise they need wills, or how they can be changed on marriage etc. In fact the amount of people who came to us after someone had died and tried to claim from an estate was unreal and also once people had made wills when they'd bought property they were really pleased they'd done this. Far better to have 'the chat' rather than do as my DGF (DM's DF) did and die intestate and then decided on his deathbed he wanted to draw up a will - which he did with the help of his first DW (my DGM). His second DW (my stepDGM) then was controlled by her DD and SIL who swooped on the flat to clear it of anything valuable (DGF had lots of antiques) and also tried to blackmail the landlady into buying DGF out (before DGF died).

If DGF had made a will or spoken about one beforehand with family then none of the chaos and bad feeling would have happened.

So many people are utterly clueless about the law around wills and marriage.

True, but others deliberately chose not to organise their affairs. If broaching the subject could lead to arguments and squabbles and rifts between family members, they don’t want any part of that! It’s much easier to leave it to everyone else to sort out after they’ve gone, make it their problem.

There's been a trend in solicitors firms recently to get families to talk re wills between themselves.

I know how my stepmother would have reacted to that idea. Holy shit. Life wouldn’t have been worth living.

I agree with you, much the best way forward, but family dynamics are so complicated, I can see why people don’t!

This is depressing! My dad doesn't have a will because he doesn't want to upset my step mother talking about it. I have really come to terms with the fact we will probably not inherit from him, but I do find it really distressing that all our family photos, mementoes from childhood etc will not pass to us legally either. My SM isn't unpleasant she is just very distant so who knows what she will do with them all.

TheCatThatDanced I wholly agree. I think the chat needs to be had regardless of how unsavoury it is. I was only musing about how uncomfortable it would be for all involved and indeed the potential it has to go wrong even with the best of intentions.

I could imagine a man on his second or even third marriage being reluctant to carve up his estate in a manner in which would benefit the kids over the wife, or the newer kids from the older kids and so forth. If there's acrimony involved in ex-marriages it'll bring up all sorts of headaches.

Even on MN, there've been threads where posters are worried about their inheritance but other posters pile on to tell them 'it's not your money', and berate them for practically organising a funeral for their parent who to all intents and purposes might be in the best shape ever.

This happened with Peter Sellers family. His last wife Lynne Frederick, got everything, except £800 each that was left to his son and daughters. . She later died, and her daughter from a later marriage got everything, Sellers blood children got nothing, not a penny or anything else from their father’s estate.

You don't have to discuss your will with anybody except the solicitor who drafts it.
You can get it witnessed by anyone who isn't a family member.
Appoint a trusted person or persons as executor /s.
Store the will with the solicitor and tell the executor where it is.
No need for arguments.

IsabellaLinton - agreed - most stepparents are either fine about discussing this or aren't.

My DSF (stepfather) and DM (not married) both want to leave me and DB money but the family house (if DM who's 10 years older than DSF) is being split 3 ways when DM dies with me and DB getting a third.

Of course we don't want to leave DSF homeless but it wasn't always the way, DM originally planned to leave the house to me and DB only.

Another issue is DSF bought 2 houses in France - 1 a holiday home the other a buy to let. He's kept the buy to let but it's still let out, the holiday home was sold as it kept getting broken into due to elderly neighbours nearby dying and this house being in a hamlet. The other house is in a small village. Also people generally don't go to the holiday home, both have pools too.

DSF bought these houses himself though and DM gave him money and the houses are in both their names. when one of these houses was sold recently DSF now has the money banked himself.

Both their wills cover all family members however and DSF has had to go through lengthy legal procedures with notaires to ensure his DNephews and DBros don't inherit - not because he doesn't want them to but he doesn't feel they need it.

All very complex. Has also changed since my DC were born and my DBro had his first baby last year with his DW.

endofthelinefinally - agreed - in most cases that's what you do, draft the will with the solicitor and don't let anyone else know.

However, in recent years with relatives being omitted from wills or not even knowing the need to make wills or how codicils work etc (you'd be surprised how many people 'assume' property/money comes automatically to them on a death etc) there has been a drive by solicitors and I think the Law Society for more families to talk about wills.

Another example. a family friend of DP's and mine lives in a huge house - has been a SAHM all her life and has 3 grown up DC, 2 of whom have DC. Her DH died of old age about a year ago but dealt with all finances himself, had investments and savings in different accounts.

They also had a holiday home in France which has now been sold. The family home she originally wanted to sell and give the money to her DC but she can afford to live there and also problems arise if she bought a flat or small house re neighbours etc. Her current neighbours she has known for years (the huge house is divided into two large houses) and she knows the neighbours locally too. Recently she came to a decision to stay put and live in her home with her DC's agreement. She's in her early 80's but in good health. There is money for care home fees and/or space if one of her DC wanted to move into the family home to care for her.If they hadn't spoken she may have felt she had to sell her home to leave proceeds to her DC though this isn't in her DH's will or if it is, it is upon the death of his DW. Her will of course leaves the house to be divided amongst the 3 DC.

That's dreadful about Peter Seller's children. Again i have to question how anyone could look their 'beloved' deceased husband/wife's children in the face and be fine and dandy leaving them with nothing.

@SophyStantonLacy No, you really ought not to just leave it. You may think you're resigned to being effectively disinheritied now, but when it happens it hits you right in the guts. It's quite traumatising. My mother has been seriously affected by it. I say get your siblings on board and sit down and talk to him. Assure him your SM need never know. At least get you get access to the photos and momentos.