To ask how to deal with cf guest in my house

[Utterlyexhausted]

Nc bc I fancied it & quite honestly don’t care if I’m outed!

We moved to the US & my dh’s friend from school & his partner are due to stay with us for 10 days. My dh invited them to come over having reconnected just before we moved.

I’ve met them a few times and although he seems lovely, his partner is constantly complaining about something. I took it as a “perhaps she had a bad day” thing but now I’m dreading her visit because I think she’s just a miserable cow!

She’s posting on Facebook and writing things like “I’ll blame you if our trip is bad🤣🤣🤣.” I called her out on that comment lightheartedly but ffs what do I do when she’s in my house?

I feel I need to be prepared for this because it’s most likely going to happen..cheeky comments, judging my cooking, judging my house, etc.

They aren’t paying anything for their stay and we have insisted on paying for their food when we eat at home as they are our guests. We’re also taking them all over to see the sights as they’re not hiring a car although Uber is available thank god.

My dh is useless and pretends he doesn’t hear her cheeky fuckery.

Any advice on diffusion or confronting a cheeky fucker is grately appreciated!

They've not done anything wrong! Don't be a martyr. Don't resent them for accepting an offer. Only offer what you genuinely want to give.

This “I’ll blame you if our trip is bad🤣🤣🤣.” sounds like a joke to me. Something that good friends would say to each other.

I still think it’s worth mentioning to her that while she is on holidays, you won’t be - and you will still have standing appointments with DC, etc and will not be playing tour guide for her and DP. You hope they understand this and have lots of day trips organized.

Funny how they reconnected with you just before you moved to an exciting faraway place..... yes, I know your DH invited them, but I suspect hints were dropped before that happened.

Could you respond to the next FB comment with "Geez Rachel, I hope you're not going to complain ALL the time you're here! :) :)"?

Alternatively send a message to them with a list of all the fun stuff to do, opening with "I know that Rachel is easily disappointed, so I thought it best to send you a list of other activities/fun stuff that you can check out while you're here. We won't be able to join you for all of it unfortunately due to other appointments/limited money, but feel free to go where you like and use us as a base!"

There's a fair few warnings in that; with any luck they'll catch on

Don´t send them a list of other place to stay. That would be incredibly rude.

I'd go something like ' would madam like to choose another free hotel for her upcoming stay?'

Say “You know, DH and I are really concerned about you having the best trip possible and just don’t think that’s going to happen if you stay with us, so here is a link to AirBnbs available in the area for your dates and here are some particular ones with very good rates that would meet your needs

What awful passive aggressive bullshit. So rude. I can't believe anyone would invite friends over then say something like this to them. Mind you it would certainly stop anyone else from EVER wanting to visit you on account of you being thought of as complete arseholes

I once met a friend of a friend in a group in a pub when I was still a polite person who was on the waiting list for proper grumpy training.

This person was from another country but had a job & home in the UK but spent 2 hours doing nothing but stridently complaining about the UK.

Perhaps my irked “If you hate this county so much and where you came from from is so wonderful, apart from the destitution, unemployment and homelessness, you should consider fucking off back where you would clearly be happier” was a tad brusque.

However the point is valid and is still a good way of saying hello to a bitching guest.

I'm lost. What exactly has she done as a guest? You seem to be preempting her behaviour and have made your mind up before she's even stepped through the door.

Poor cow doesn't stand a chance!

Sounds like you are ready to take everything she will say - or not say- the wrong way.

Just plan to have breakfast together, leave them out for the day apart from the excursions you have organised to spend together - and meet for diner if they want to be back on time for diner.

I don't understand this MN of hating guests, treating everyone as CF - especially when you invite people in the first place. I am glad my friends and family are just normal, and not so worked up about everything.

The next facebook comment you read I would simply reply:

'We are not in the least bit offended that you have decided this isn't the right kind of arrangement for you, dh will send over a list of hotels in the area now, and hopefully we can get together for dinner one evening. Have a lovely holiday'

But there's absolutely nothing in the one FB comment that OP has reported that could conceivably justify this.

I can just see the next AIBU:

"Friends of my DH's very kindly invited us to stay with them in their home in another country. We accepted and have booked time off work, booked our flights etc. I made a jokey comment about the trip on FB and friend's wife made a lighthearted response. Suddenly they've written to say we've decided the trip isn't the right one for us and sent a list of hotels - but what I said couldn't remotely be interpreted that way. Much as we'd like to see them, we can't afford hotels and the trip isn't doable if that's the expectation. Now we've lost the money spent on air fares. WIBU to ask friend's wife what the hell she's on about?

Have you ever played boring meeting bingo? THis is a chance to upgrade.

I think you ought to make up two bingo cards, one for you, one for your OH. Have on them things you think might be raised.

Room too cold.

Room too hot.

AC too noisy.

AC ineffectual.

Pillows too soft.

Pillows too hard.

Shower too powerful.

Shower not powerful enough.

Etc etc.

Work out a series of rules

Eg

remark has to be made in the hearing of both of you.

No goading or coaching allowed.

Think of winning treats

First four corners. Breakfast in bed.

Diagonal completed. Partner does washing for the week.

And so on.

Big prize for full house.

Then have fun.