AIBU to think this? OCD -who’s the Father?

[sunnyblueskies]

Hi!

I wondered if anyone suffers with OCD? Not the stereotypical “cleaning type” but the type where a random thought will pop in your head. Intrusive, obsessive thoughts.You obsess over it and start to believe it me it consumes you 24/7. That’s me and I’m having a hard time right now.

I’m pregnant 19+3. Due 14th November.
We are so excited. We split up in the first week of January and we got past the huge issues and got back together. In those couple of weeks I was utterly heartbroken to the point I was sick etc and didn’t know what to do with myself. So I went out and met an old acquaintance and we had sex, once unprotected (it made me feel worse not better and have been tested since) please no judgement. I was on the tail end of my period. These are the dates:

Slept with said guy on 11/1 (tail end of period)
Got back with partner a week later (he knows about him too)
Got period on 07/02.
Positive ovulation smiley face on 24/2 (sex with current partner before and after smiley ovulation positive)
Faint positive pregnancy test 5/3

The dates work out to the very day with the scans (based on first day of last period, implying boyfriends baby)
But OCD has gripped onto the what ifs (could the baby be the other mans?)and miracles happening etc and it’s killing me. I know it’s there in black and white that I’m being totally stupid and the facts are there but I feel sick thinking about it. Has anyone experienced this? Can anyone reassure me I’m being an absolute dick head?

Thank you so much xx
Please no hate!

I conceived in early Jan (around the time you are stressed by) DS was due early Oct and was born late in mid Oct. with your due date it can only be his ( and you had a period)

Do a DNA test when the baby is born, maybe?

Why would you be ttcing a month after a break up?

But from the dates, it must be your partner's.

And how on earth have you linked it to OCD?

Scan dates are never more than a few days or at most, a week out. Certainly not almost 6 weeks out. Everything you have said about a positive ovulation test and then a faint positive pregnancy tests makes it sounds pretty much 100% that this is your boyfriend’s baby.

intrusive thoughts are v common with OCD. I know exactly what you mean.

I think the fact that you had a period and the dates mean it is v v v unlikely that it isn't your partners baby. Dont stress x

Firstly, that’s not OCD.

Secondly, no. It’s not his.

Looks like your boyfriends, due to the period. Please stop beating yourself up. We all make mistakes, what's done is done. Focus on your little bundle of joy.

And how on earth have you linked it to OCD?
This ^^!!! You have a guilty conscience about shagging the other man and are panicking it's his kid because of the timings. OCD isn't that rational and isn't based on your poor choices in bed.

I'm amazed at how often this dilemma appears on MN.

Dna test only way of knowing 100%

I'm a cbt therapist and your worries do sound like obsessive thoughts. Doubt is huge in ocd and it sounds like you're having a time of it.

Are you in cbt treatment?

P. S If you have had treatment you know that you shouldn't do a Dna test as you had a period and the dates work out. Reassurance seeking maintains anxiety!

Ignore Desmondo. Intrusive thoughts like this are a very common symptom of OCD. I would really recommend counselling such as CBT. Hope all works out for you.

OP this is your partner's baby, there's no chance of anything else.

My DS was due 15th November, born 17th. He was conceived on 21st Feb, I know that as it was the only date between xmas and March that ex and I slept together (we were having issues even then, and split for good shortly afterwards.

With that due date, AND the fact that you had a period in early Feb, there's really no other possibility.

I do second the PP who are saying that you might need to speak to someone about your intrusive thoughts and anxiety though. Good luck.

I would say after a period that it's your boyfriends.

just to let you know sperm can last 8 days in the body as i conceived son 2 8 days after we had sex

As someone with a personal, painful experience of OCD, including the “Pure O” type without compulsions, these intrusive thoughts absolutely could be OCD.

Mate I suffer intrusive thoughts as part of my bipolar and when I was pregnant with my first I was absolute certain that although I had not slept with someone else I’d been taking drugs and partying and could have somehow forgotten I’d had sex with someone else. That’s how irrational these thoughts can be, to anyone that doesn’t understand them.

Of course I had my baby and he popped out looking like his pa and all was forgotten. Seems likely to be your partners tbh.

Alice- thank you. I have had treatment for “pure-o” OCD. I was very bad back in 2017. I’ve had lots of intrusive thoughts this pregnancy and luckily the treatment and techniques I received and learnt have helped me thus far. Except this one. This one I can’t seem to shake. It didn’t enter my head at all until last week. I wasn’t ever in any doubt about who the father is!
I’m tempted to get a non invasive pre natal paternity test with the other guy. But I know that is seeking reassurance and then if I do that I will be riddled with guilt that I didn’t tell me partner. It’s a never ending cycle. I want to wake up and not hve to keep ruminating about it.

Thanks Karina, I have had intensive therapy. It has worked great up until this intrusive thought. This one I can’t seem to shake.

Pixie, I feel your pain. I had pure o very bad in 2017. Something I had never experienced before. I wanted to take my life. Had therapy and managed to get on top of it all. It’s worked great ever since. But this pregnancy has had me full of intrusive thoughts. I’ve managed them. But this one I can’t shake. It only popped up last week x

That's not OCD - that's anxiety or just plain old guilt.

With those dates it is medically impossible to be anyone else's except you're partners. You cannot have conceived by the 11/1 shag. Scans are very reliable, certainly to within a few days.

Thedarkpassenger- are you a Dexter fan?
It’s rotten isn’t it? I’ve suffered horrendously in the past too.
It’s quite incredible the amount of ignorance towards it.

I also suffer intrusive thoughts as part of OCD, it’s not just about ‘being extra tidy’ and ‘flipping a light switch 3 times’. The thoughts can be extremely distressing.

I had IVF and was convinced they’d mixed my egg with someone else’s and my partners sperm had fertilised the wrong egg. There was no one else having egg collection on the day that I was in my clinic, so there was no possible way that could have happened, but the thoughts were horrendous and it kept me gripped in an icy fear.

I’m sorry you’re going through this, it must be incredibly stressful. If the dates tally up with when you had sex with your partner, then it’s obvious he is the father. I do know what you mean though. If you think about something hard enough you can almost convince yourself of anything.

Try and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.