AIBU to think this? OCD -who’s the Father?

[sunnyblueskies]

Hi!

I wondered if anyone suffers with OCD? Not the stereotypical “cleaning type” but the type where a random thought will pop in your head. Intrusive, obsessive thoughts.You obsess over it and start to believe it me it consumes you 24/7. That’s me and I’m having a hard time right now.

I’m pregnant 19+3. Due 14th November.
We are so excited. We split up in the first week of January and we got past the huge issues and got back together. In those couple of weeks I was utterly heartbroken to the point I was sick etc and didn’t know what to do with myself. So I went out and met an old acquaintance and we had sex, once unprotected (it made me feel worse not better and have been tested since) please no judgement. I was on the tail end of my period. These are the dates:

Slept with said guy on 11/1 (tail end of period)
Got back with partner a week later (he knows about him too)
Got period on 07/02.
Positive ovulation smiley face on 24/2 (sex with current partner before and after smiley ovulation positive)
Faint positive pregnancy test 5/3

The dates work out to the very day with the scans (based on first day of last period, implying boyfriends baby)
But OCD has gripped onto the what ifs (could the baby be the other mans?)and miracles happening etc and it’s killing me. I know it’s there in black and white that I’m being totally stupid and the facts are there but I feel sick thinking about it. Has anyone experienced this? Can anyone reassure me I’m being an absolute dick head?

Thank you so much xx
Please no hate!

My lmp started on Jan 12th and I am currently 23+5! If you had conceived with the first guy you would be a couple of weeks ahead of me and my baby is due October 16th. It is absolutely impossible that he is the father x

Why on earth were you taking ovulation tests? Contraception would've been a better idea.

Maybe worth recapping some strategies (if you haven’t already)- this book is great www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01LWA5RQU/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1&tag=mumsnetforu03-21 x

Think there are a few people who need to learn about OCD and the shapes it can take. I’ve had a diagnosis for several years now that is largely down to intrusive thoughts and compulsion to complete routines. OP is this affecting other areas of your life or are you only stressing about the baby’s Dad? If it’s OCD, it’s unlikely to only affect one part of your life. If it’s getting to the point that you feel consumed by thoughts, then speak to your GP and see if they can get you a referral for CBT.

I have OCD with intrusive thoughts and during my pregnancy last year I was convinced my baby wasnt my husband's, and I havent slept with anyone else since 2010!!! Have a look on the pregnancy boards and do a search, there are a few of us who had this.

For what it's worth all of the anxiety melted away as soon as DD was born and being a mummy has helped my OCD immeasurably.

Anyone saying “that’s not ocd” really doesn’t understand how ocd can manifest itself. It can easily encompass these kinds of thoughts.

Sounds like it’s you partner’s baby OP.

Same for me. My ocd (the obsessive cleaning) got much better after I had kids x

I have intrusive thoughts OCD.. What you have is anxiety/stress about a certain situation not OCD. When I was pregnant I worried that my baby would come out black the whole way through. Even though I've never been with anyone but my white husband! thata pregnancy hormones for ya!

Absolutely I understand OCD. I was previously diagnosed clinically OCD and have suffered horrendous episodes of intrusive thoughts in the past that have rendered me pretty much unable to function.

Based purely on the OP, she had shagged 2 men in quick succession, not used any contraception and was stressing, understandably, about which of them may be the dad. Its quite normal for anyone to have persistent thoughts when you have an actual dilemma going on, that's a long long way from the types of symptoms associated with OCD.

I get it I’ve had panic thoughts suddenly years later about something I know 100% rationally cannot be but my mind goes well what if you blanked it out.

Dna year would be the best bet. My scan was three weeks out with one of mine due to conceiving with medicated for a mc.

As an OCD sufferer myself (although mostly managed these days) and the mother of an OCD sufferer (intrusive thoughts, misplaced guilt, extreme anxiety, seeking reassurance), I agree your concerns are fuelled by OCD not by logic and some CBT might well be advisable so you can enjoy your pregnancy and your baby.

I think you will feel better as time goes on.

I also have OCD and remember having instrusive thoughts when I got pregnant with my eldest. I hadn’t been with his dad long (2 months) and had been in a sexual relationship prior to him with not much gap in between (I was young, I’m settled now 🙈). The dates definitely meant that that his dad was the guy I was seeing and not the guy before but I keep stressing about what if he wasn’t, what if it was the other guy and perhaps I was further along than I thought etc etc. It used to eat me up! I used to repeatedly tell myself the dates etc in my head to try and convince myself.

As time went on, I did feel better. As time went on I relaxed more and more!

Just remember you had a period after having sex with the other guy. The baby is definitely your boyfriends!

Hugs 🤗

How are ppl saying intrusive and persistent thoughts are not OCD!
I read up on Pure-O once after hearing a pod cast on it - it sounds absolutely brutal and I feel for anyone who suffers from it.
In terms of your current situation then it’s impossible the other guy is the father but you know that.
Please speak to your midwife - you don’t necessarily have to give all the details but there are processes in place to help with MH issues during pregnancy. Intrusive thoughts are EXTREMELY common in pregnancy and post natal.

If you feel like you’re spiralling then definitely reach out to your midwife

Why are people who clearly know nothing about OCD commenting on this?

People commenting that it's not OCD it's not really helping the OP is it?

AIBU is a bad place to post about OCD OP. I have it too and what you're describing is absolutely classic and exactly like what I have - sudden irrational intrusive thoughts that cause anxiety, causing you to obsess and try to seek reassurance as a compulsion, as you are doing here, making the cycle worse as it reinforces the thought in your brain and makes it more powerful and seem more real. The key is to break the cycle of obsession by working to remove the anxiety- exposing yourself to the negative thoughts in a controlled manner until they lose their power. You need a trained professional to help with this, it's called ERP therapy. CBT can also be helpful.

OP I also suffered poor mh when I was pregnant. Take care of yourself.

My 14th November baby (who was 9 days late from EDD) was conceived on 14th of Feb.

@sunnyblueskies

Love dexter 😁 I feel like the phrase definitely describes how I feel most of the time.

Yeah it truly is horrible I’ve had some obsessions that I now realise we’re absolutely insane (similar to the somehow making up a cheating scenario in my head) and as much as I’m glad these people have never had to experience it I do wish there was more knowledge about mental health problems and how they can affect normal life like a physical disability can!

Oh god. I feel your pain. I was convinced DS would have the Zika virus and my OCD would not let it lie until he was born. Every scan...”what about his head? Is it normal?”
You know your dates. You had a period. You had a faint test after an ovulation test. It’s DPs