AIBU - would a dog make me happy

[Bringbring]

I have had a really shit time since 2014. Made redundant the day my maternity protection ended, developed a rare disease losing some sight and ending up on immune suppression, getting made redundant again after couple of horrible years killing myself with tiredness, long term health probs ignored by drs meaning I never got to have a second kid, 12 months of job seeking with endless rejection and starting new job which promised to be amazing but was just awful beyond wildest dreams so I jacked it.

Life isn't too bad. We can manage on one wage but there's not much left over. Have a school aged kid and a husband who tries to understand but does get frustrated by my situation. I mostly just feel useless, pathetic and weak all the time. This is not the life I worked for - you know? I'm not a very good housewife, mostly because I feel it's low value work. Jobs in my industry are rare and it I seriously doubt whether I could find anything again. I've been applying at much lower levels but this has been unfruitful. Previous to maternity leave I just got everything I went for, now I put in good interview performances but they never come to anything. I have no desire to retrain in anything. Previously you might have described me as a high flyer but I've hit a brick wall now. I seem to be a terminal loser!

I quite fancy getting a dog. Something to love me and maybe give some meaning to my life. But it would have to be a specific type. I can't say I like dogs that much, I don't like slobber or smell (the dog I want is small, smooth haired and not slobby). I have never owned a dog before. I hate housework but know there is all the increased mopping and hoovering to do.

AIBU to get a dog to fill a gap in my life? Will its little doggy face and waggy tail fill the enormous hole inside of an unfulfilled life?

Cheers all. The resounding sound of no is a bit patronising! (But I get where you're coming from) I think a dog could enrich my life and help me focus on living in the present but I'd only do that if I could be sure they'd live a healthy, happy life with us.

I already have a cat so I know about the responsibility. She's not really needy enough for me. And that's what I'm edging to, getting a dog and really committing myself to being at home for the next 10 ish years and dropping out of the job market. Picking up the shit and embracing the 6am get up every day to let them out for a wee. And knowing it was my choice to do this. Dog will be fine for £££s even if it lives until 20!

I didn't really like kids until I had one so I might not like dogs but I know I'd like my dog if you know what I mean (I've picked a non social breed so they can live as a solo).

It's prob not the right time now but maybe in 12 months if things haven't changed and that way I can make sure we're not on holiday over summer for the new puppy.

Mental health stuff, I do all the right things to keep going; exercise, voluntary work, hobbies, friends etc and everything prob looks peachy on the outside (and it is 90% of the time) but I'm still really missing "something" in my life that I love and I'm passionate about. It used to be work but I don't think that will come back. I'm just disappointed at how my life has turned out. And I think that's why dogs are so appealing, they are just so appreciative of family and a nice life. I could learn a lot from them.

I think your summary is correct OP. Out of interest and I am sure others will ask.. why is the consensus of "no" patronising (as per your last update). You asked a reasonable question, people gave up their time to provide considered answers and yet it comes across that you are criticising those people.

Don’t get a dog, and especially don’t get a puppy. Have you seen how many people want to take their puppy back after days, weeks, months? They are cute for 10 minutes and little sods for 12-18 months - and need A LOT of training to get a nice chilled loving adult dog

Just don’t

For example

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/the_doghouse/3616056-Feeling-awful-struggling-with-my-13-week-old-puppy-considering-rehoming-or-sending-back-to-breeder

I have a dog.
He doesn't love me. He attaches himself to whichever member of the family meets his needs at that particular time.
I know some dogs are allegedly one man dogs, but they aren't all, and he could just as easily attach himself to another family member.
And think of the poos. Every day someone has to clear up the garden. My least favourite chore.

Brutal honesty from me: I think I went into getting a dog for very similar reasons to you. Also I was vaguely depressed, looking for a bit of meaning, something to focus on, get me out and about etc. I love all animals but was more of a cat person (have 2). We got a 5 month old rescue almost a year ago and it has been one of the hardest, most challenging periods of my life (including having children). I had months of regretting it, spent a fortune, and my depression worsened to the point of needing medication. It is honestly relentless: walking, training, feeding. I'm the kind of person who researches everything exhaustively and tries to do the very best for my pets but owning a young dog is on another level.

She's starting to mature finally at 18 months and I do get pleasure out of her now and finally enjoy our walks together now she's stopped mugging other dogs or bolting into the distance but the stress she has caused has far outweighed the pleasure for me up until now. I'm hopeful we've turned the corner. Don't go into this with anything but the idea it will take huge amounts of time, effort and money before you have a docile pooch who fits into your life and provides any kind of balm for dodgy mental health.

Do not get a dog. You have no experience of owning one and neither do you like housework so possibly wouldn't clear up after a dog (who would add to the mess). A dog will not make you happy with their conditional love. Only you can make yourself happy!

I am a relatively new dog owner and I don’t have a puppy either, I didn’t mean it to be patronising but it is not true to tell you that it’s all happy tail wagging. Mine is so happy to see me when I come home and I do have those lovely moments where you just have that cuddle and bond and know they love you.

But you equally have a lot of other moments where you question whether you can give them back! Mine would not settle down last night and I had what feels like no sleep and a full day of work today and I need to walk him, and he’s a PITA on a walk, and he needs a lot of training. I can’t compare it to how you love your children, because your children are not toddlers for 15 years and you always have the knowledge they are growing and learning but you don’t get the same feeling from a dog in that way. They are so much more needy and demanding than cats

If you dont like slobber, hairs and doggy messyness then no! I do find mine comforting but at the same time he can also triple my stress and anxiety. tbh when he goes im not convinced I'd get another. your time is restricted and activities restricted, but you do get cuddles sometimes. its not all good or all bad.

People aren't being patronising, they're being realistic!

Dogs are much, much, much harder than cats - I have both. My cats are happy so long as they're fed twice a day and have warm spots to sunbathe in. My dog needs letting in/out multiple times a day, a good 90 minute walk (minimum) each day no matter what the weather. He needed toilet training. He needed to be taught to walk nicely on a lead, to sit/lie down/wait on command. He needed to be taught to settle, not to bite, not to chew, not to toilet in the house.

No dog is perfect and they all have their issues. Could you cope if your dog was aggressive towards others? What if their recall was poor and you had to keep them on a lead all the time? Could your child cope with a bitey, jumpy, barky puppy? What about a mouthy adolescent? What if your dog had separation anxiety and messed its crate if you left it for even five minutes? I would worry that your mental health couldn't cope with the intensity.

Also you say you're not a fan of dogs - dog owners attract other dog owners! You'll be out on walks and other dogs will want to sniff and play with your dog - that means you'll be around other dogs (and potentially breeds you dislike).

I only read your thread title. The time to look for a a family pet is when you are happy.

Sign up for borrowmydoggy you can walk dogs in your local area, then hand them back. You get the joy of doggy company, fresh air and exercise with none of the cost and commitment. As a walker it's £12.99 a year to sign up which includes insurance and support. I walk a lovely small dog locally and it's really rewarding

Hang on, people are saying no to you therefore they're patronising? You'd be getting one for the wrong reasons. What if it loves your DH more than you? One of mine blatantly favours me, follows me to the bathroom, is upstairs if I'm upstairs, abandons my dh's knee I mine becomes free, it's embarrassing (doesn't piss off my dh, we have another dog who loves us both)

As puppies, mine were very hard work and I resented them. Don't do it because you want something to love you-don't your dh/DC do that?

You're asking the wrong question OP. It should be "can I make a dog happy"? Give it a good, loving, healthy, life? Put its needs (good food, walks, grooming, vet visits, picking up poop etc etc) before your own (too tired, it's bad weather, we don't have much money to buy food or toys) - tough, this is an innocent, living, creature who relies on you as much as a baby or toddler does).

Dogs are marvellous, I wouldn't be without mine but he's a commitment that we discussed as a family first, it impacts our holiday choices, days out, even the furniture we chose!

I would say it's a no for now at least, until you spend more time with dogs and see how you feel. Volunteering is a good suggestion as above.

Still no.

Get a needier cat.

If your answer to that is 'my current cat won't like it' you can bet your ass your cat will NOT like a dog at all!

I leave my back door open a few inches so that ddog can get in and out when she needs to. She doesn't like walks so we only go 2/3 times a week. (She hides when I get the collar and lead out). No smelly dog food cos she doesn't think she's a dog. She eats dinners like us.

Find a way of looking after a dog on a temporary basis and see what you think. Puppies are a big, and often exasperating, commitment but adopting an adult dog could work for you. Be warned though, uf you’re the one at home all the time be prepared to be taken a bit for granted - our dog greets my husband with extravagant displays of affection every time he gets back from work but sometimes barely acknowledges my presence. This can be a bit galling if you’re responsible for most of the dog’s care!

I already have a cat so I know about the responsibility.

Nope. You most certainly do not know about the level of commitment and responsibility when talking about owning a dog. The effort needed to care for a cat doesn't even enter the stratosphere of caring for a dog. I've had a dog my entire life and currently have 5 cats as well. I have also had cats my entire life. Absolutely NO comparison. Actually, having children is easier in regards to going places. You can take your children everywhere, definitely not true with a dog, which severely limits the amount of time you can be gone from home for any one stretch. Your life literally revolves around your dogs needs.

It concerns me that you have basically given a potential pet dog a "job." You expect them to make you happy. The responsible attitude is that you want a pet to enrich THEIR life and ensure THEIR well-being and happiness.