AIBU - would a dog make me happy

[Bringbring]

I have had a really shit time since 2014. Made redundant the day my maternity protection ended, developed a rare disease losing some sight and ending up on immune suppression, getting made redundant again after couple of horrible years killing myself with tiredness, long term health probs ignored by drs meaning I never got to have a second kid, 12 months of job seeking with endless rejection and starting new job which promised to be amazing but was just awful beyond wildest dreams so I jacked it.

Life isn't too bad. We can manage on one wage but there's not much left over. Have a school aged kid and a husband who tries to understand but does get frustrated by my situation. I mostly just feel useless, pathetic and weak all the time. This is not the life I worked for - you know? I'm not a very good housewife, mostly because I feel it's low value work. Jobs in my industry are rare and it I seriously doubt whether I could find anything again. I've been applying at much lower levels but this has been unfruitful. Previous to maternity leave I just got everything I went for, now I put in good interview performances but they never come to anything. I have no desire to retrain in anything. Previously you might have described me as a high flyer but I've hit a brick wall now. I seem to be a terminal loser!

I quite fancy getting a dog. Something to love me and maybe give some meaning to my life. But it would have to be a specific type. I can't say I like dogs that much, I don't like slobber or smell (the dog I want is small, smooth haired and not slobby). I have never owned a dog before. I hate housework but know there is all the increased mopping and hoovering to do.

AIBU to get a dog to fill a gap in my life? Will its little doggy face and waggy tail fill the enormous hole inside of an unfulfilled life?

Can you afford insurance? If not can you afford £1000 if your new pup falls down the stairs? Can you walk for miles and take time out of your already busy schedule? Can you afford the best food for your dog, all of the vaccinations and potential grooming. Can you look after a dog for 24 hours for the first few weeks until toilet trained/not biting/not chewing. Can you afford a god puppy training class?

Dogs are fantastic and enhance the lives of many, also great for disabled people and people with social anxiety. They are loving and devoted. They need you more than you need them and deserve for you to get a dog because you will enhance their lives, not just because they might not enhance yours.

It can’t be a whim it needs years of research and decisions about breed and temperament and breeder.

If you can do all of the above then yes a dog is for you.

I'm sorry, op, but getting a dog would be a terrible idea given your circumstances. You are not financially or mentally in a good place to deal with the demands of raising a do, and you say yourself you don't really even like them. I am afraid you are grossly underestimating how challenging and full-on having a dog can be. You have zero experience with dogs, and as a lifetime owner of dogs, I assure you this is a very misguided idea in your current state.

It might do. I had never had one before but a friend recommended this particular breed (she's got 4) and on impulse I bought one. She's a joy! She gets extremely excited when I get home, follows me around, jumps up on my chest or lap for a cuddle and doesn't judge. She's small, doesn't shed her hair, and is hypoallergenic. I luuurve her! And what's with all this mopping and hoovering business?

My dogs have brought me more love and happiness than I could explain in words.

What about an assistance dog? You mention eyesight and health problems? Might be worth a chat to assistance dogs uk?

You feel that being a housewife is low value work. How will you feel about picking up dog poo, cleaning up vomit/wee/diarrhoea, washing the dog after it’s been rolling in fox poo?
Having a dog is wonderful but it can be hard work at times.

I think a dog would be a very, very bad idea.

You don't even like them!

You would be better off working on your mental health.

I ask this of everyone who says they want a dog but who don't have dog experience.

Do you actually want a cat?

Mine follow me around the house, cuddle me all the time, and are super excited to see me in the morning.

But I can leave them overnight with a feeder, a cat sitter to drop in once a day when on holiday, and I don't have to walk them (though they do need a lot of attention).

I get oodles of love, but far less responsibility than a dog.

You sound quite low. I understand a bit as in a similar situation. I claim PIP and ESA which helps a bit. As an aside maybe you could claim them, well PIP anyway (ESA if cont based would depend on your NI record).

Also, a way to try out a dog might be Borrow my Doggy or the Cinnamon Trust- where you help ill owners of dogs.

No, nothing can 'make' you happy. It might distract you for a while and having to exercise it would get you out walking, but you could do that without owning a dog. It would be better to start some activity or retraining which would not involve purchasing a living creature which would be badly affected if things did not work out.

Why on earth do you want a dog when you say you don't like them much, couldn't cope with the extra housework and don't have much money left over?

Dogs are a lot of work. They're expensive. They smell. They shed hair. They need walking everyday no matter how tired, ill or shit you feel. As puppies, they chew, pee and poo on your floor, bite you and make you bleed. They ignore you when they're teenagers, and only become calm adults if you put the work in when they're young. Neglect to train your puppy and you'll have a disobedient adult on your hands.

I think you need to work on your mental health

I think you need to work on your underlying issues and get yourself into a good place slowly and over time. Any pet or child for that matter deserves to be owned / loved by someone that is capable of demonstrating strength, love, calmness, good decision making etc. I speak as an adult whose childhood was spent almost being the grown up around my parents and I can tell you it wasn't fun. I doubt it'll be much fun for a dog in the circumstances you describe. You have to be able to look after yourself before taking on anything else.

OP you've had a rough time, and I don't want to be harsh, but that is a terrible idea. You'll still be upset about everything that's going on, but with a dog's needs to consider as well. They're not a commitment you can take lightly and they're not cheap either.

If you've set aside money for a dog (and insurance, toys, boosters, food, etc) perhaps you could put that towards therapy to help you deal with the trauma from the last few years of your life in a healthy way.

I say the above as a dog lover and owner. I adopted a dog as soon as we bought a house because I couldn't imagine being without one, and even now I have days where I wish I didn't have to deal with the responsibility of him!

You might like your dog, and not other dogs..

But I think you'd need to borrow a dog, several times, to really understand the reality of dog ownership.

People say you can't ignore a dogs needs and so a dog will get you up, get you out of the house, make you do stuff...

That patently isn't true, with the number of dogs I see whose needs are not being met because it is too much effort for the owner or because they simply didn't understand that the dog had those needs in the first place.

I think you might actually want a cat, there are super friendly breeds who are very dog like in wanting attention, fuss, cuddles etc and not being keen on going outdoors (Ragdolls!) that I think would suit you far more.

Definitely don't do it!

I can't say I like dogs that much

PLEASE don't get a dog, it wouldnt be fair on the dog

I don’t think a dog is right for you but you could get a cat.

I think dogs can make you happy but they can also make you tired, frustrated, take up a lot of time and energy and they always smell. Mine doesn’t shed any fur but he has death breath and smelly farts and you have to clean up after them. If you take a dog out in wet weather you will have a wet smelly dog to content with when you get home

There is just something missing from your post why I think it’s right for you, you want the love and validation part the most and that’s not a good reason

Please don't do this. I've been a dog owner for a year and it has adversely affected my previously perfectly good mental health! They are SUCH a tie and very expensive.

I don't have any solutions to your issues. It sounds awful, but please continue to work on improving your life and mental health before you even think about getting a dog.

No, don't get a dog. If you don't love dogs to start with I can't see it improving your situation, only adding more stress and mess to deal with.

I can't say I like dogs that much
There’s your answer then.
Dogs bring great joy to some people but if your not that into them they're just another chore of literal shit to pick up and clean up after.

Could you volunteer for something like the Cinnamon Trust instead? That way you get to work again (albeit voluntary) and spend more time with dogs. It might then mean you are in a better position to see if getting a dog would be a good option for you.

Sorrur, but I think you get a dog to make the dog happy. It's not the dogs job to make you happy

I can't say I like dogs that much, I don't like slobber or smell

Then don’t get a dog. They all smell of something, especially when wet. They moult, leave paw prints, lick, slobber, poop and lick their bums.

Agree with pp that you need to borrow a dog or else get a cat. Cats don’t smell of anything and don’t slobber.

Sorry you have had such a shite time.
I can only tell you that in our case our little dog has done so much for us and brought more happiness than words can say.

Could you foster one to see. ? I would suggest a small breed and possibly a x breed. Some breeders sell them toilet trained on puppy pads. Our dog took little time to train.
Discuss with the family it could well be a good thing. We were not a dog family at all ( I have always been terrified of them,) but we have been going through a rough spell and she has helped us so much. I fell recently and lay well over an hour before some one came to help me up. I was in shock and the dog cuddled up to me to keep me warm, a heavy stool fell on my arm and she pushed it off.
I could cite many things how she has helped
If you do , research your breed and go preferable for a small x breed