to wonder if a lot of people lie about the health of their relationship on social media?

[pinkcarrots]

I have a friend who is constantly posting gushing and lovey dovey posts about her husband (who they have been married to for approx 20 years) on social media. The posts are very sweet and I always thought they were a very strong and stable couple.

However, recently my friend called me in quite a state and after a long conversation it came out that a lot of this is a sham. She has slept with another man and had felt unattracted to her husband for a long time and the thought of growing old with him didn't appeal to her, even though she obviously cares about him but felt she was no longer "in love" with him and that they had grown apart.

Obviously this was quite shocking since her online posts are the opposite - as are his but it really made me wonder how many relationships on social media are exaggerated or completely at odds with reality. Is this common. Makes me feel quite sad.

Sometimes it’s lying - not just to others but themselves. But sometimes it’s also that people will just post the good and positive in their lives and not air their dirty laundry in public.

I had a guy message me asking to see me. At the exact same time he was putting up posts about how he loved his wife so much !
I told him no
They split up within a year

The only person I know that posts constant gushing OTT “wifey for lifey”, “my hubby, my world” stuff is recently reunited with her ‘D’H after her third affair, the first one being discovered 2 weeks before their wedding day. I cringe every time she posts a “happy anniversary” wedding day pic and gushes on about how it was the happiest day of her life.

She’s fooling no one and probably not even herself.

Yep direct correlation between those who gush and post constantly and the actual crapness of the relationship, I find.

I tend to agree that most people only post the good stuff. I posted a cute picture of DD the other day - taken in the middle of an extremely aggravating afternoon overall!

Having said that, I do think you can spot the overly gushy ones that are fake. It's the difference between a selfie down the pub with an update saying, "Yay! Grown up drinks time" and a picture of perfect DH with perfect child and the update of, "He makes my life, and DD's life, so much better just for being in it. I don't know how I'd be without him ever. I love you baby. Stay mine forever."

In SIL's case, I think she does it because she WANTS to feel that way even though she doesn't. She feels bad (he's got some great emotional manipulation going on) and this way she can say it without having to keep a straight face, keeping him happy.

I just assume that messages like that are true unless I've got reason to think they're not.

I suspect so, you only put positive images on social media eg trips out, meals, fun times - no one documents rows, the fact he didn't put the shopping away or that they fancy their coworkers (if they are married). Outwardly we seem perfect but it's pretty bad. I actually wonder if my very over the top lovey dovey friends are trying to prove to themselves they still are in love almost

Absolutely. I know two women who do this, both are in crap relationships.

One of the guys cheated on his gf with her best friend (she cut the best friend out but went on to marry the guy). This girl posts at least 5 times a week with hashtags like “perfecthubby”.

The other guy is abusive and the girl posts multiple times per day about things they are doing together. I know from speaking to her mum that she no longer has friends or sees her family as he’s cut her off from everyone - so no wonder she is spending so much time with the bf.

I cringe every time I see either one of these women posting and with the first I think “I hope he’s no longer cheating on you” and with the second I think “I hope you’re safe and not too afraid to leave”.

It’s like both are desperate to convince others (and probably themselves) that everything’s ok. But they are both in denial.

I've NC'd for this.

I think all the happy photos people in non-ideal relationships post of themselves and their partners are just a celebration of the nicer side of them, and so are probably as 'authentic' as those posted by those in great relationships.

I was just thinking this the other day after a fuming row with my DH! Almost every Facebook profile photo I've had is of the two of us, which is untypical compared to other friends in relationships, and my Instagram has loads of happy family photos of the four of us.

We have a VERY turbulent relationship as he is a high-functioning marijuana addict and it is literally like living with two men. He is utterly lovely under the influence but extremely unreasonable when straight (that's a whole different post). I try and capture the good times for posterity...

@ConkerGame that is really sad about your second friend

Fakebook

Best thing to do is take everything anyone posts on SM with a pinch of salt. Ive never posted a photo of me and DP. Pretty sure no one cares if I do either. Im also of the consensus that those that appear the happiest on SM, have deep rooted issues and feel the need to justify their existence by having praise from others

Wow, that sounds really tricky @TenPercentGenius - must be difficult to know where you are. 😔

@missyfafa well I always tell people it's never boring!

The situation probably deserves a post of its own TBH. He is an addict and it's skunk - the strongest stuff. I don't touch it and he only smokes outside, because of the DCs.

He's reasonably successful so we don't (currently) have money worries, but his behaviour when he's not on it, ie not until early evening, is getting worse and is starting to take its toll.

He's very hyper and very bright though, so you'd never know he was stoned, and when he is he's the guy I fell in love with - funny, kind, sexy, relaxed. Quite a tricky situation.

Yes. Think this needs it’s own thread. Sounds very difficult and he may need some professional help. 😔

My partner does this - sounds like we are all happy on facebook but we are hanging by a thread....... he knows this. He 's working away and can't say anything nice to my face but missing me all over Facebook.