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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wonder if a lot of people lie about the health of their relationship on social media?

40 replies

pinkcarrots · 24/06/2019 09:11

I have a friend who is constantly posting gushing and lovey dovey posts about her husband (who they have been married to for approx 20 years) on social media. The posts are very sweet and I always thought they were a very strong and stable couple.

However, recently my friend called me in quite a state and after a long conversation it came out that a lot of this is a sham. She has slept with another man and had felt unattracted to her husband for a long time and the thought of growing old with him didn't appeal to her, even though she obviously cares about him but felt she was no longer "in love" with him and that they had grown apart.

Obviously this was quite shocking since her online posts are the opposite - as are his but it really made me wonder how many relationships on social media are exaggerated or completely at odds with reality. Is this common. Makes me feel quite sad.

OP posts:

sugarbum · 24/06/2019 09:19

I actually don't know anyone who comments on their relationship on social media. There are photos of partners, but no lovely dovey stuff (other than one person I know who did that a lot in the 'early days' but has since stopped, thank god)

Even without statements from folk about relationships specifically though, its a snapshot in time. We all post 'nice' stuff, about partners, kids, hobbies etc. (with the exception of there being an awful lot of mental health posts these days) That is kind of the point of social media.

I post pics of days out with my family. 80% of that day out would most likely have consisted of nagging/whingeing/complaining, but if I get a shot of the kids smiling, then that's what I'll post. I rarely mention my DH.

I the scenario that you have specified, she was trying to cover her tracks. She actively wants to portray a different scenario from the one she is living. I personally don't know anyone who needs to do that or has obviously done that - as I said above .

newmomof1 · 24/06/2019 09:20

I tend to find that the people who post most about their 'perfect' relationships, or how full of excitement their lives are, are the people with the most demons.
They try and convince themselves that their lives are great based on how many 'likes' they get.

missyfafa · 24/06/2019 09:21

Everyone lies about everything on social media! Isn’t that what it’s for?🤣 Making it seem like you are having an amazing life when actually you are not...

Pinkmouse6 · 24/06/2019 09:23

YANBU. I think people who feel the need to post constantly are the ones with the biggest relationship problems.

I had a friend like this once, she portrayed herself as the perfect human being online with the very traditional, loving family. Her husband was an abusive bastard and she was isolated and miserable. Another friend of mine does it with a man she’s very much had a whirlwind romance with (marriage and baby in less than a year). We all know their relationship is turbulent in reality, they argue almost daily and I doubt the marriage will last. Online though, he’s the perfect most wonderful husband and everything is great!

It’s all a facade.

fedup21 · 24/06/2019 09:27

I agree-the people who post the lovey doves posts are usually the ones who hate each other.

One of my FB friends was always doing this-it was really OTT.

Turns out they argued all the time (I met their neighbour at a party) and were both sleeping around. They split up in a very volatile way when he had an affair with her best friend, whose DH then punched him!

She’s back on Fb doing the same with her new boyfriend.

HarryElephante · 24/06/2019 09:28

People lie about everything on the Internet.

DesparateDino · 24/06/2019 09:31

YANBU. Quite often it's those who lives appear to come across as perfect are having the shittiest of times.

edgeofheaven · 24/06/2019 09:34

Friend of mine did this constantly, I regularly muted him to avoid seeing the posts. About a week after a "Best Christmas with the best wife ever" post, he came back to say he was taking a break from SM following their separation and pending divorce.

PerfectPeony2 · 24/06/2019 09:35

The whole of social media is (mostly) a lie. One of the reasons I have started to reduce how much I use it, it is so unhealthy.

Not many people post the bad stuff, as well as the good.

I see so many couples out for coffee/ dinner sat on their phones ignoring eachother, but taking and posting photos. I think the less you post on social media the more content you probably are.

PicsInRed · 24/06/2019 09:36

A lot of adoring selfies together is a bad sign.

Pictures of two half finished drinks in a half empty lounge bar with a loved up comment = drinks aren't the only thing on the rocks.

It's always women who do this. Spackle by Facebook posts. In the selfies, the women look maniacally strained happy, whilst the men often look a bit bored, as if their mind is at some one where else.

Depressing how common this is.

MyGastIsFlabbered · 24/06/2019 09:48

I've got a friend like this, constantly posting loved up garbage about her 'lovely husband'. I know for a fact he's a piece of shit who treats her like crap.

Hithere12 · 24/06/2019 10:21

To be honest that’s just social media. It’s all bullshit lol. Everyone just posts their highlights. If you saw my Instagram you’d think I lived a fabulous life.

YesQueen · 24/06/2019 10:22

Oh yeah
"Blessed with my lovely family"
You missed out the "I had an affair for a year" status

isabellerossignol · 24/06/2019 10:25

The only couples I have ever known who do a lot of social media praising of each other are the ones who have subsequently split up.

SamStephens · 24/06/2019 10:27

I just don’t think people necessarily post about the shittier things in their relationships - and why would you?

I could post about DH being a giant grumpy man child tonight because he’s gotten sick and is awful when ill but I’d rather save my posts for when we have a nice day out with the kids instead.

IvanaPee · 24/06/2019 10:28

People on here love to tear down “happy” posts on social media. It’s weird.

How would anyone know if every post about a good relationship on social media is fake? It seems unlikely but there’s no way to know.

Does it really make you sad that random people might be over egging it a bit on their Facebook pages??

I have to admit, I get sad about tragedies, deaths etc.

Karen saying she’s #blessed with Bob even though she was bitching that he’d been down the pub till all hours? Not so much.

edgeofheaven · 24/06/2019 10:28

I just don’t think people necessarily post about the shittier things in their relationships - and why would you?

I get this.

What I don't get is posting constantly about how much you loooooove your partner when in fact you can't stand each other.

When I want to say something nice to DH I text him directly!

Hithere12 · 24/06/2019 10:29

OP I can’t believe you’re shocked social media is bullshit, just look on anyone’s Instagram?? Do you think they post their crap times?

Malibucyprus · 24/06/2019 10:34

I have a friend who will call me, saying that her DP drinks too much, and she's sick of it, thinking of leaving him etc, but an hour later posts a photo of her shopping trolley with a crate of Carling saying #10wifeypoints

She'll also phone me after an argument, saying how much she hates DP, within hours there's a gushing post about how amazing her DP is, and how hard he works for their family.

I don't expect people to put negative posts on FB about their DP, but I hate being told/knowing one thing and then reading another on social media.

I no longer follow her.

gerbilfun · 24/06/2019 10:40

My in laws are like this. Dh father re married when he was young. Last week fil was telling dh that his sick to death of his wife and will be looking for a flat soon so he can move out. Then two days later they were on holiday taking gushy selfies on the beach 🙄

A best friends friend is like this too and it winds me up so much. She posts pictures of her step daughter with gushy messages about goes she's changed her life for the best blah blah and posts gushy messages to her dh on fb. Yet last week they were close to separating because she's having problems with the step daughter and it's cause of her fights with her dh because he obviously sticks up for his child. They got into a huge fight and he took the kids and she was stealing the car off him with the spare key while he was at his parents, then he was stealing it back off her in the middle of the night. The relationship is extremely toxic. But then 2 days later she's back to posting about how a great dh he is.

It's all fakeness. No one posts about the crap in their relationships they just want to post the braggy shit.

Aaarrgghh · 24/06/2019 10:46

To be fair I don’t think it’s necessarily lying but just not posting your dirty laundry online. Personally I don’t post about arguments I may have but something nice I do or rather used to as I don’t really bother with it anymore. If people do that’s up to them but it’s uncomfortable to see and I’d feel silly if I did the same. I doubt anyone will be putting up a status saying they cheated on their husband, I don’t agree with cheating but I get not saying anything, it’s kind of the point.

Fundays12 · 24/06/2019 10:53

I don’t have any friends that do this nor do I do it. My marriage is a very happy one but neither I or dh feel the need to post about it on Facebook. The only couples I have ever known to do this tend to split or not have great relationships. It’s very odd behaviour from grown adults.

Astella22 · 24/06/2019 10:58

I have two people on FB who constantly gush about their amazing relationship/life/kids. Found out the other day he was at it with his sisters bridesmaid at the wedding while the poor wife was looking after their amazing kids. Every time I see a post from them now I just feel sorry for them. I now view other posts in a similar fashion.

TruffleShuffles · 24/06/2019 10:59

I have a friend who does this but it’s her relationship with her father she posts about. She had a very difficult childhood and has no contact with her mother who was abusive and had a difficult relationship with her father who brought her up. To speak face to face with her she blames him for all her anxieties and mental health problems and thinks he’s a pretty poor excuse for a human being yet if you saw her Facebook profile you would think he’s a model parent. She posts endless gushing posts about him as a dad and a grandfather to her daughter.

The reason I think she does it is she can make up this imaginary relationship that she’s always wanted with a parent and she’s just happy that everyone else thinks she has this.

The80sweregreat · 24/06/2019 11:02

someone i know on social media does this - always having huge rows and fall outs, then the next minute they are getting on okay and its all lovey dovey again and back on there saying how much they love each other etc etc. pinch of salt time.

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