Is She a Bitch or Just Weird?

[Praguemum]

About a year ago a new family moved to our rural area and their two kids joined the school. DD9 is very tight with the girl, however a few months ago she got really upset and said "Name said her mum doesn't really like me." Seemed a bit weird and she was upset, so I asked the mum if DD had done something to make Name feel bad or had treated her badly. She said "Oh no DD has always been very kind to Name". I told her why I'd asked and she acted clueless.

Fast forward 3 months and it's the girl's bday. She tells DD that she can only invite one friend for a sleepover and her mum says it can't be DD because she is "too loud".

DD is in bits, but I thought maybe it was the girl's way of saying she wanted to invite a different friend, but didn't know how to tell DD. However, DS7, who gets on very well with the girl's younger brother, pipes up, "yeah mum, that's right, only Peter was allowed to go to Son's bday because he's quiet".

Now I know these people are dairy farmers and the dad gets up early, but my kids have only been to their house once (with me) and they say quietly and played, so what gives her the right to call them 'loud'? Poor DD now has a complex and thinks she has done sthg wrong. They are both outgoing but not shouty and their manners are excellent.

Is this woman a bit weird? Quiet kids only? Like all of us in rural NZ, they have plenty of land for the kids to play on if they have a birthday playdate. Doesn't need to cost much as rural kids are happy with a treasure hunt and cake. She seems normal when you talk to her. Would love to give her a piece of my mind but don't want to wreck things for the kids.

Stay out of it

The girl could be stirring or lying for whatever reason but I'd just ignore. You're hearing all of this third hand and via kids, so who knows what is really happening.

I feel sorry for her DC, being told they can have one friend but not the one friend they want. She sounds weird to be honest but I'd not confront her just sit back support your DC's friendships and see what happens. Hope DD is ok

She's weird but what can you do? Just leave it, no good can come of making a fuss.

She obviously has issues of some sort. Explain to your DD that sometimes people are unreasonable and then stay well out of it.

Yeah, she sounds a bit uptight, whereas you're probably more relaxed. Take as you are different people and encourage other friendships

She's obviously a bit odd and best left alone. Don't stir the pot, let it go.

Odd to me. We are also in NZ. Fairly rural. Kids here are generally fun, kind and feral. She'll end up with no friends. Are they older parents? Is the dad tired/sick/mean and they tiptoe round him? Foster new friendships for your DD.

You think it's weird to not like loud people? Your kid is too loud for them - which is absolutely their prerogative, and yet instead of sucking it up, you come on social media to pronounce them weird. Ok then. Heaven forbid your kid is actually, you know, too loud for some people.

Are you a native New Zealander? Having lived in rural NZ too, we did come across people who were perfectly pleasant to our faces, but didn’t really want to integrate with us as we were immigrants. Their loss. I’m just wondering if it might be that?

Just noticed you think she's a bitch too. Charming.

Op arrange a fun activity or better still a sleepover for your dd instead with other children. No need to respond whatsoever to the other parent.
Make it up to your dd, and tell her she must stay herself and true to her own character. You are very proud of her manners and outgoing nature.

I would avoid them going forward in a quiet way. You really want to avoid your dd having her confidence damaged, and her feelings hurt with this family. Regardless of whether they are odd/weird or simply unkind they don’t sound compatible with your family values. Encourage other friendships for your dd, be nice but distant going forward.

What gives her the right? Anyone has the right to say more or less what they like, especially on matters which are subjective.
. It’s a shame it’s hurt your daughter and offended you but focusing on her ‘rights’ to do certain things is not the way to go.

I'd start to activly avoid this family, they are weird and it'll affect your Dd's self esteem. Encourage both children to play and make friends with others and I wouldn't invite these children over. Their Mum is going to sabotage her own kids, you don't need her taking your two down with her.

Is it possible your child is loud? Just wondering. No matter what, I wouldn't encourage a friendship with that child, or your child will start watching her own behaviour all the time and it will make her very self-conscious. I'd probably telly my child to find another friend as the family is too critical and pass-remark-able

Where did 'telly' come from????

We found out a kid's father referred to our youngest as "big mouth ben"
My husband, from that day on and still,13 yrs later, still refers to their son as "fuckface fred".

There are some people, even those who have their own Dcs, who don't really like having other people's DCs around. It's a good lesson for your DD that people are all different, you should be reassuring her that she hasn't done anything wrong, this woman is just a bit strange.

@Mummaofmytribe

The mum could well have misophonia. I have it and I really struggle with loud children. Particularly those who like to make repetitive noises.

That said, I would never in a million years tell my children I don't like one of their friends or describe the other child as 'loud' within my child's hearing. My friends have two kids, they're both INCREDIBLY loud. If they've been to my house for a few hours I find I need the rest of the afternoon/evening in peace to recover, but I wouldn't ban them from my house because they're kids you know?

This mum could well be worse than me though, sounds it.

I feel bad for your daughter. Try to explain to her that some people don't cope very well with a lot of noise, or specific noises. It's not your daughter's fault and there's nothing wrong with her. I'm sorry this lady has not been more delicate about her situation.

Stay out of it! You sound overbearing

My husband, from that day on and still,13 yrs later, still refers to their son as "fuckface fred".

That's a bit mean isn't it?

What's the dad like?

My husband, from that day on and still,13 yrs later, still refers to their son as "fuckface fred"

Parents bad-mouting kids? Nice. Real nice. One parent gives another's child a bad-mannered epithet so the other parent thinks they have carte blanche to go one worse and give his child a foul-mouthed one in retaliation. Great parental example.

I'd have been having serious words if this had been my DH. Hope neither of these unfortunate boys ever overhears their immature fathers carrying out a proxy spat at their expense.

Don't sweat the small stuff.