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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fell out with best friend. AIBU?

71 replies

64632K · 23/06/2019 21:34

Ok so I am fully prepared to get totally flamed but here goes. So I have been best friends with a male friend for about 20 years. Somehow we got onto the topic of politics, he expressed his views about hating Theresa May, I asked him why? His only response was that she was a bitch and hated her. So my response to him was why was she a bitch and why did he think it was ok to call a woman he had never met a bitch. He said it was because he just thought she was a total stone cold bitch and that was his opinion. I presser harder as to why he felt he could just call a woman a bitch with no actual reason and especially one he has never met. He went off into one and said he couldn't understand why I was defending TM, I replied that I actually wasn't defending her per se, I was asking why he thought it was ok to call her such a degrading name. Why did he feel he could call any woman such names? He didn't get my point and just lost it with me and now we haven't spoken for a long time. AIBU?

OP posts:
NauseousMum · 23/06/2019 21:58

Why are you friends with such a shitty person. Be relieved your friendship can be over!

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 23/06/2019 22:01

he called his wife a bitch in the same conversation because she had asked for a divorce as she found out he had taken their young sons with him to pick up cocaine, and also called his gf a slut for having an abortion after finding out he was married.

But you draw the line at him calling TM a bitch?

He has always given me a level of respect that I have noticed he can't to women in general.

Admit it you liked being "special". You're now pissed you aren't anymore. You're on the same level as the other women in his life.

Original poster
64632K · 23/06/2019 22:02

I was typing my second post as I realised I had left out the most shocking part of the convo but damn you guys are fast, sorry it was a bit of a drip feed there.

He never used to be like this, or maybe I just never saw thay that side of his life, totally different walks of life, different schools etc so I guess he may have hidden all that from view.
I never realised he cheated on his wife or was on drugs until she actually contacted me about it, I totally thought she was lying to begin with because she was pissed off with him, until it came out of his mouth.

OP posts:
TheBabyAteMyBrain · 23/06/2019 22:04

Wow, okay, that'll teach me to read a thread properly. Jesus your updates! What a vile person! Why would you want someone like that in your life?

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 23/06/2019 22:06

How are you best friends then?

NTitled · 23/06/2019 22:06

Never mind the bitch thing: WTF would you want to even speak to someone who took his children to buy cocaine, never mind be friends with them???

Original poster
64632K · 23/06/2019 22:07

Admit you liked being special

Um WTAF! I think it has more to do with that I never saw it because I don't live in his pocket and was never like that towards me or in front of me! I have recently only seen it when all his cheating on his wife tales came out and all the extra details.

OP posts:
Ellapaella · 23/06/2019 22:08

Why are you even friends with him? Doesn't sound like you like him at all reading your posts.

HollowTalk · 23/06/2019 22:10

He sounds really horrible. I'd stay away from him.

GCAcademic · 23/06/2019 22:12

He never used to be like this

That will be the cocaine.

codemonkey · 23/06/2019 22:12

Why the drip feed FFS?

Expressedways · 23/06/2019 22:15

The TM comment you completely overacted to. However, he sounds like a throughly awful person- having a negative opinion of all women, the comments about his ex and the girlfriend, taking his sons to buy drugs, not telling his girlfriend he was married... god knows what else that you haven’t mentioned... I’m really not sure why the TM comment was what caused you to snap, given all the other stuff that’s so much worse. But he’s certainly not someone I’d want to be friends with.

notacooldad · 23/06/2019 22:17

I would block him to make sure you cant be friends with him again to be honest.
Whether TM is ' a bitch' is subjective and it is his right to think that if he wants but he is a bit thick if he cant come up with a reason why other than he can call her that if he wants.
As for the other stuff, If this is real, why would you be bothered if you are not friends any more? I'd be made up. Don't forget you are judged by the company you keep and he sounds like a nasty twat.

Original poster
64632K · 23/06/2019 22:17

Thebabyatemybrain and Ntitled, believe me I was super shocked. Its amazing how one little disagreement about TM spiralled.

I guess the person he was in front of me and from what his wife said just sounded like sooo far fetched. I couldnt believe that I hadnt seen it! It made me sick to my stomach when it came to light that it was all true. His wife has called me and told me other things too, just in disbelief that I did not know any of this, but then again neither did his wife of 10 years until her BIL found it all out. She said she refused to believe it too because he just didnt come across as that person, the truth really slapped her in the face too.
I feel bad for her and the boys, she has got rid and just typing this out makes me realise that I am best rid too.

OP posts:
YourSarcasmIsDripping · 23/06/2019 22:19

Out of curiosity who stopped contacting whom?

Ohyesiam · 23/06/2019 22:20

You have odd taste in friends.

Original poster
64632K · 23/06/2019 22:20

GCAcademic yessss totally agree, not sure how long he has been on it or when it started, had he come to me I would have helped him. But now you have said it, it makes me think about all the money that I lent him.

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 23/06/2019 22:20

I would judge anyone who was friends with this person hard.

If you want to be friends with this piece of crap, crawl along and say a lovely big sorry. Problem solved.

AllFourOfThem · 23/06/2019 22:21

Massive drip feed! Grin

Considering what I think of Boris Johnson and Jeremy Hunt, I’m not going to say his opinion of Theresa May is unreasonable. However, based on everything you say about him general, why do you want to be friends with his anyway?

Original poster
64632K · 23/06/2019 22:22

Yoursarcasmisdripping it was a mututal break off, neither one of us bothered but tbh if he had contacted me, I would not have amswered.

OP posts:
MirriVan · 23/06/2019 22:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LillithsFamiliar · 23/06/2019 22:25

Mirri yy exactly. Is it the holidays already?

WorraLiberty · 23/06/2019 22:25

MirriVan you've completely summed it up for me Grin

The OP's second post is so far removed from the opening post that it's like a whole new thread.

Original poster
64632K · 23/06/2019 22:26

OhyesIam he wasnt like this before, this all came out recently. I do think being in drugs, whatever his reason, has been a factor behind his heinous behaviour.

I would have been happy to help him out if he had told me about the drugs but not after learning everything else, which has come in drips from his wife/brothers since we stopped talking

OP posts:
Meline · 23/06/2019 22:30

So your question is whether you were unreasonable to cut off a friendship with a thick misogynist which you had maintained because you were an exception to his unpleasant views of women and it made you feel warm and fuzzy?

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