Would this irritate you? MIL

[YellowAndPinks]

DH and I have a two year old son. MIL very occasionally buys DS clothes but buys them for a certain occasion. For example for my birthday meal she bought him an outfit beforehand "for him to wear to the party". She has done this on three occasions and then DH insists we dress him in the clothes MIL has selected. I think it's controlling. If she wants to give a gift then fine but not to dictate when DS should be wearing it. AIBU and uptight? I have a few problems with MIL so don't know if this is colouring my opinions.

Yes it's controlling. If you don't like her choice just say thanks he can wear it in the future but you already have something for x event. If you like her choices though I would just let it go.

Let her buy what she wants OP but never let her dictate...You are not being unreasonable in how you want to dress your own child.Say thank you MIL and do as you like maybe put your child in the outfit and send her a pic then carry on as you usually would or save her outfits for when visiting her house...I wouldnt fall out over it though.

Get in there first, buy something special, make sure you tell your dh how much you're looking forward to seeing him in it.
Then tell her sorry we've already bought something. Then let him wear hers to play out in... and send her a photo.
I think it's glory hogging.

Pretty insulting imo.
My mil bought some dresses for dd from a church sale which were tbh prob as old as the church!!
I just told her dd wouldn't be wearing them.
And she didn't.

Yes I'd hate that.
But I wouldn't have a problem with saying;
"That's a lovely tank top ensemble, we've already got something for DS to wear for the event but maybe he can wear it to your house next time we come"

And to DH
"No honey, we're sorted, and he's wearing X."

Stand your ground. It's very kind of her to buy things but not if it's for show. Maybe mention when he does actually need things, like new shoes or he's grown out of something.

She probably just thinks she is being nice. Thank her for the outfit but say you already have something picked out for the event, but he will wear it another day and you'll send a photo of him in it (or something to that effect).

I never dressed my child in the monstrous garments bought by my MIL !!

Yes, it is controlling.
Your MIL doesn’t get to decide what your child wears!
(Even if she bought it especially for an event.)

Yep, I would hate that. She's had her turn dressing children up, now it's your turn.

I would accept the clothes and then put him in whatever you like. There's not much she can do about it when you all arrive at the venue!

Without knowing the rest of the background it's difficult to say.

No background necessary. It isn't mil's dc to dress up!!

What's irritating is she gives the outfits to DH and then he insists we use them as she's bought them specially I need to be more prepared I think with outfits for him but it feels like I shouldn't have to do that.

take the outfits, hang them up.. wear them when you chose if at all.

We had this issue early on up until DS went to school. It backfired at one event, my lovely SiL was all for the kids having fun and feeling comfortable for her wedding and said they could all wear what they wanted after the ceremony (it was a lovely informal garden party at her parents house).

MiL had tried to dress the GC's like it was a royal wedding (think puffed sleeve dresses/high collar blouses and short trousers) but that got shot down immediately. After the service all GC's promptly changed. My DS chose his Transformers outfit along with many cousins dressed as a fairy/batman/pirate etc...

YANBU, my ex-MIL used to buy my DD dresses for her birthday / party or for Christmas Day.

No thanks, I've already bought her outfit - she can wear yours another day - end of!

Are they nice clothes? Unless they’re hideous I wouldn’t make too much of a fuss about it personally. Is she nice in general?

You’d only need to do it a few times

Then she’ll give up

Be grateful it's only your DC you MIL tries to dress... Mine frequently buys me outfits and says, "And this is your outfit to wear when we celebrate [X's christening/Easter/Christmas]..."

I kid you not.

Needless to say, never worn them.

Or he could have an accident with the tomato sauce

In my that means “I’ve chosen these clothes to make him look nice and respectable at the party- to show him off to other people”

But then I think too deeply about stuff. But yes, I’d be annoyed by that.

It's a bit annoying, but if things are otherwise OK with her and your DH (and the clothes aren't hideous or inappropriate) I don't think I'd be too bothered. It's pretty harmless, and it makes her happy, so why not?

mind

I'd just say thanks and smile and then dress your child in whatever you want.

Yes it’s controlling.
Its like buying someone a decorative piece for their home and telling them where to put it.

Your DH needs to back you up and let you decide when DC wears the clothes that were gifted by MIL

My in-laws just bought my daughter a nasty knock off tracksuit. It looks like a fire hazard. They have loads of money to buy her nice clothes if they want. Plus it's not the kind of thing they put their own kids in. I'm definitely not making my child wear it. There's zero chance she'll ever wear it but I just smile and nod and then stick stuff like this in the charity bin.