To think a parent should actually be there during a sleepover?

[Frostyapples]

DD 12 went to a friends last night for a sleepover. I had chatted to friends mum in advance and agreed that we would text when DD ready to come home. She mentioned that she may have to pop out at some point today but that older teenagers would be left in charge. I rang mum at 1.30pm as hadn't heard anything and she said 'I'm not in at the moment I'm (place 1 hour drive away shopping with a friend). I drove straight to collect DD from house to find older teenagers in charge and house smelt of weed. AIBU to make sure that DD never stays here again and to not encourage this friendship or am I being over sensitive? In my mind 'popping out' is a local errand not a day out shopping!

There was a parent present over night though, right?

I don't think you are being over sensitive at all.
I wouldn't be happy with this either.
It's one thing leaving them on their own, but leaving them with doped up teenagers is something else entirely!

I occasional leave my 12 year old at home for a couple of hours with my 14 year old but of DD was having a sleepover I would never dream of going out for the day and leaving them to it!

That wouldn't have upset me - so I wouldn't have driven over. Had I driven over though, the weed would have incensed me, which doesn't seem to be annoying anyone so far.

Why would you not encourage the friendship? I think the mum should have told you party was over but your child wanted to stay longer but that she’d be out, but I think your reaction is unreasonable.

@legolimb yes parent was there overnight

Parent was there over night and did tell you she would be going out and leaving older teen in charge.

I don't see anything wrong with the 12 year olds being alone during the day the day after the sleepover, especially if there's older teenagers there.

Were the older teens completely doped up or was there just a whiff of weed?

I leave my 12 year old for most of the day sometimes when he doesn't want to come and do a toddler centred activity and would happily leave him with a mate if he had one round.

My 11 year old DD though? Hell no. She'd be getting up to all sorts. Making slime (a sticky mess) or making concoctions off random foods etc etc

YABU

For me, when I have other people's kids in my care, I make very sure to dot all the i's and cross all the t's, because what I think is okay with my kids, I know is not universal, and other parents are a lot more conservative in what they think is okay. So I might leave my own 12 year old alone with their 14 year old sibling, for a bit, there's no way in hell I'd leave my teens in charge of other people's kids and me not there.

And a smell of weed would not be making me very happy.

I wouldn’t have been worried about two 12 year olds alone during the day with responsible teenagers, BUT .... the weed?!?!?!? That would completely freak me out and make me consider to cool the friendship. I am completely anti drugs, cannot accept it and would be very uncomfortable with my children being close friends with a child whose parents were ok with drugs - and I do include weed in that.

I agree with @MyOpinionIsValid

Weed being smoked by teenagers in the house? That would mean I'd be hosting sleepovers at our house from that moment on. Otherwise, I wouldn't be bothered

I must be the only person that wouldn’t have noticed the smell of weed. Are you sure OP and that it wasn’t just excessive teenage hormones or excessive use of that popular teenage spray called lynx which my teenagers use as though it is going out of fashion.

Weed smells nothing like BO or Lynx. . .

@mbosnz totally agree

@Beansandcoffee no was defo weed - would recognise the smell anywhere. Having read all of your comments I still think I have done the right thing and will not interfere with the friendship but will not be letting DD stay over there again nor will I actively encourage this friendship.

The mum did say she was going out. I probably would have asked what time and arranged to pick up before then.

I would have been VERY concerned about the smell of weed.

My dd missed out on a sleepover last night as didn't quite hit the A list.
Apparently Insta told dd the dm had provided bottles of WKD and dark fruits cider.
The girls are 12.
Dd will be declining the party which is anticipated for July...
Personally I never leave other people's dc without an adult present.
And certainly would not supply alcohol to a child.
Bloody bonkers.

It’s the smell of weed that would push me over the edge; wouldn’t be so worried about child being left with older siblings if they were sensible but it doesn’t sound like they were

I was always very relaxed about weed being smoked, I foolishly reckoned it was better my 19 year old smoked it at home rather than elsewhere, my younger son was 13. My younger son ended up with terrible mental health problems and died at 26 due to them. My older son is now in his 40's and spent most of his 20s as a heroin addict, he now has 2 children, is a good dad and a productive member of society, although he struggled with depression.
If anyone smoked pot near my grandchildren I would not encourage the friendship, or anything which normalized using drugs.
Some people are more susceptible to the effects than others and as yet there is no way to tell who will and who won't be affected.

That sounds horrendous. I would have been worried sick if that was our 12 year old.

I wouldn’t be happy at all. It is too relaxed by half to leave a gang of teenagers alone smoking weed, isn’t it? Not my cup of tea.

It's the daytime so the sleepover part isn't really relevant. I wouldn't be the slightest bit concerned about two secondary school aged children being alone in the daytime, without older teens there. The marijuana I would be concerned about.