About 'woo' friend

[user87382294757]

Have known a friend for years. She has a good degree and has worked in civil service for many years.

Recently she has been doing all these courses in various things. It seems to have been prompted from when her father died and she got involved with a Spiritualist church. She has moved on to doing courses in NLP (Neurolinguistic programming) Counselling, Hypnotherapy and Reiki. She is very enthusiatic about giving up the day job to be self employed in these other areas.

I find it hard to know what to say as I always found her very grounded and a rational person, (we studied together at university)...feel i am kind of nodding and agreeing but on the other hand really not sure what to make of it all.

I guess it is all beneficial and helpful to people and a change from the job she is doing now. I just hope she is not in her grief being taken advantage of in some way.

There's nothing 'woo' about NLP and hypnotherapy.

Your friend wants to help people and finds her current role boring. Perhaps she just want the freedom of working for herself too.

Some people doing alternative therapies do very well out of it. People also pay for medication which doesn't work for them and in some cases makes them worse, but that is apparently ok as it's not "woo".

NLP is just reframing how you appraise things. Surely that's helpful to some extent? Would you call CBT "woo"?

My mum is a Reiki "master" and I do agree that I'm not sure what you achieve by Reiki wafts. She doesn't do it for a trade but will offer it out with no charge and people have said it's made a difference, but I haven't found it myself.

Counselling is offered on the NHS (as is CBT). Is the NHS "woo"? Also have known academics (who are all about the science and hate "woo") to practise hypnotherapy too. I'm confused.

I didn't vote, am sitting on the fence regarding reasonableness, however I understand how you feel. It is disconcerting when people start being involved with such things.

All I can say is that bereavement does trigger some big life changes, I've seen it and up to a point, experienced it myself.

Your friend will undoubtedly move on from this phase, please don't worry.

@carla1983 I can see it being lucrative if you know lots of wealthy professionals suffering from stress. That description fits my lawyer friend.

I read on here, (which prompted the post) about hypnotherapy causing issues with some people, made me a bit concerned.

Just a question, how much do you think conventional medicine with its medications and surgery is causing issues with people? how often do you think [eople are gettng side effects from their medication from example? or no effect at all from the treatment they are getting?
The answer is VERY often.

Does it mean we shouldnt use conventional medicine because its too dangerous/concerning??

BishopofBathandWells

These people are charlatans and agree it's sickening, but does it make everyone who is interested in spirituality the same?

I think sometimes looking at the meaning of things after a trauma is a part of the healing process. People like that need to be called out though, as it's clear there is a financial motive.

Btw whatever she decides to do, its her choice. Its not up to you to judge her or her courses and say its 'woo'.
in that case, 'woo' just means something you dint about, seems strange and therefore just ot acceptable. (see the fact that both NLP and hypnotherapy are well know systems and work very well)
You need to broaden your horizons OP

What might be going on is that your friend is seeking connection to a group that she needs to replace her family of origin.
You mention she recently lost her Dad. Although your friend seems independent and strong willed, a part of her 'the inner child', is feeling lost and fears abandonment.
Therefore, joining a group where she feels understood and 'belongs' is what she is after. Anywhere she will get the lovebomb from like minded individuals, well that's where she'll want to be.
She may also ditch her siblings as well in lieu of others who well...don't know the reality of her. She can act in line with an ideal self image of herself.
And if you challenge her on it, that'll be taken as a harsh criticism, as you not understanding her, and questioning her important values in life.

I get you. I'm not sure if 'woo' is exactly the right thing to call it, but I've seen the same thing happen to my friend.

She was very successful in her field with great prospects for promotion, went to see an NLP woman for some therapy after seeing her talk at work and within a month she announced she was quitting her job to train in NLP and start again as a life coach.
I find myself, like you, feeling sceptical. And a bit suspicious. It seems such an illogical choice. By all means have the therapy to feel better and get the most out of life, but why give up a hard won career to do something she has never shown any inclination towards or interest in in the past, ever?

Dress it up how you like, NLP is about manipulation influencing the way people see things, and people seeking therapy are in a very vulnerable place. Not saying that she's been purposefully manipulated, but I'm not convinced that either she or the therapist properly appreciate the huge power disparity between therapist and client and how very suggestible you are when you're in a vulnerable place. I don't that this power and influence was used in the best way possible, I think quite a lot of it was used to boost the credibility and ego of the therapist and my friend has become overly influenced by the her and now sees NLP as her calling and the answer to all life's problems.

Now she is struggling financially and on social media several times a day emphasising how great life is. I'm thrilled for her if that's true, but then she has to tell people that doesn't she, nobody's going to book a session with a miserable life coach.

I know someone who got very involved with NLP and it seemed very cultish to me. Not woo as such but I didn't like how she believed she had to hand over more and more money to achieve more and more levels of "training" and you apparently weren't allowed to question any of it. I also find the premise dodgy, it's basically about how to manipulate people.

However it's normal for people to dabble in all sorts of stuff, from the fully woo to more just complementary therapies that can be really useful. I also know loads of people (mostly women) who are into giving up employment to be employed practitioners of various things. It usually isn't the easy life they think it will be but it's a valid choice.

self-employed sorry

Reiki is definitely woo. I want to laugh out loud every time someone suggests it for managing my pain

Hypnotherapy seems valid but reiki, ffs.

I had hypnotherapy to give up smoking. It worked. I am eternally grateful to the hypnotherapist. I hope you friend can help others.

Now she is struggling financially and on social media several times a day emphasising how great life is. I'm thrilled for her if that's true, but then she has to tell people that doesn't she, nobody's going to book a session with a miserable life coach.

I know some complemetary practitioners who have build a whole business around FB. Yes they post everyday and yes it looks like they spend their time saying how great they are/their life is.
They also have a 6 months waiting list and no website.
All that to say that its easy to be sneery when people dont do think the way everyone is doing things or they 'ought' to do. It doesnt mean its not the 'right' way to do things for them.

I'd gently suggest to her that she practices on the side until she has a good client base and knows the downsides of self employment.

I don't know what NLP is but I can't see any problem with anyone taking an intetest in Counselling, Hypnotherapy and Reiki! What would be the problem with her exploring different ways to cope and heal? There's so many alternative therapies and practices linked to healing and emotional and physical well-being. Where I live in Asia traditional medicine, which would probably be described as 'woo' by you, is still the main form of healing and is actually incredibly beneficial, not just curing the physical disease but also working on the emotional or mental causes of physical illnesses. I think it's quite patronising and ignorant of you to be almost suggesting she's irrational or stupid or being made a fool of by getting involved with alternative practices (and to be honest, what you have listed is mainstream stuff.) I bet if she was using antidepressants from her GP to deal with her grief you would wholeheartedly think it was a good thing, but because she's using natural more alternative ways to work through it, you think she's... What, stupid? There's so many different types of healing and I think you should maybe listen to your friend and learn something about them rather than just nodding along and then criticising her!

@Monsterinmypocket - I think you're deliberately being an offensive twit with your comment about charlatans.

Just because you don't share someone's beliefs doesn't make them a charlatan.

@maryqueenofscots83 Are you saying it's okay to tell bereaved parents you can put them in touch with their dead children, for a princely fee? because that's what @monster was referring to.

@Monsterinmypocket I agree that some people take comfort in thinking there's an afterlife, as do I to an extend. I also find ghost stories fascinating. I don't believe that everyone interested in spirituality is a charlatan, but I think it's an area that has the potential to be abused by some morally ambiguous types - which is what you've said also, so I don't think we disagree on that point.

In any case, the OP was referring to reiki etc., so I don't want to derail the thread.