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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About 'woo' friend

70 replies

user87382294757 · 23/06/2019 15:28

Have known a friend for years. She has a good degree and has worked in civil service for many years.

Recently she has been doing all these courses in various things. It seems to have been prompted from when her father died and she got involved with a Spiritualist church. She has moved on to doing courses in NLP (Neurolinguistic programming) Counselling, Hypnotherapy and Reiki. She is very enthusiatic about giving up the day job to be self employed in these other areas.

I find it hard to know what to say as I always found her very grounded and a rational person, (we studied together at university)...feel i am kind of nodding and agreeing but on the other hand really not sure what to make of it all.

I guess it is all beneficial and helpful to people and a change from the job she is doing now. I just hope she is not in her grief being taken advantage of in some way.

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 23/06/2019 16:06

Counselling and hypnotherapy aren't woo????? Shock

Boysey45 · 23/06/2019 16:09

At the end of the day its totally upto her what she does employment wise. She may hate her current job but just hasn't told you because she doesn't want to burden you.
What I would say to her though is that the market is saturated with all that stuff and its often hard to make a decent living because so many people are doing these various therapies.

OralBElectricToothbrush · 23/06/2019 16:13

YABU. She's a grown up. Be supportive or back off.

1WayOrAnother · 23/06/2019 16:17

You sound quite judgemental about her. Maybe she needs to develop different interests and a broader outlook to support her well being. Doesn't make her woo, it makes her open minded. Try it, you might benefit. If something is beneficial who cares on what level it works ? If it doesnt help then exactly what has she lost? Stretch yourself, it'll do you good.

SuckingDieselFella · 23/06/2019 16:17

I know someone who was a barrister and gave it all up to open an alternative therapy business. I suspect that's because there are a lot of £££ in it.

carla1983 · 23/06/2019 16:25

I'm into all the woo stuff and belong to a spiritualist church.

It can be tricky to quit one's job and go self-employed in the field...it takes a lot of time to build up a business.

But I can't see any reason in your post to suggest that she's being taken advantage of. Spiritualist churches are not like regular churches, they don't expect a tithe and usually to attend a service it's just a gold coin donation (if you can afford it).

carla1983 · 23/06/2019 16:26

"I know someone who was a barrister and gave it all up to open an alternative therapy business. I suspect that's because there are a lot of £££ in it."

As someone in the business, there isn't much money in it at all. You'd earn a lot more as a barrister.

VladmirsPoutine · 23/06/2019 16:27

Odd that someone thinks NLP and Counselling are 'woo'. Even if they're not for you, they're certainly not 'woo'. Get over yourself.

carla1983 · 23/06/2019 16:28

By the way, it's very common to open up spiritually and change one's beliefs following a loss.

If you don't share her beliefs, let her know that it's not your cup of tea. That's fine. I have friends who don't share my beliefs but respect for others' beliefs is the most important thing.

carla1983 · 23/06/2019 16:28

Most of the money in the alternative therapy business comes from teaching it. Or alternatively, employing lots of other practitioners.

Blibbyblobby · 23/06/2019 16:29

I'm surprised people are saying Reiki isn't woo. It's basically moving a scientifically non-detectable mystic energy around with super-skilled hands, right?

Nofunkingworriesmate · 23/06/2019 16:33

Don’t know what NLp is but rest aren’t woo weird or anything to worry about I’ve pain good money for 3 of them happily
Ever watched bake off? It never surprised me how many doctors accountants are chucking years if training and security for a job as. Cake maker albeit a tv celeb one

OVienna · 23/06/2019 16:33

I had a friend who was dating a guy who read tarot cards for a living. This was when we were both in [front office city jobs.] She had a degree from Oxbridge. Her parents went into orbit, as you can imagine.

That's taking woo to the next stage. What this woman is currently doing is not yet woo. I guess it could be a pathway to it.

I wouldn't say anything unless it seems like she's been drawn to one person in particular pushing her towards this who could, as you say, be taking advantage.

tinkywinkyshandbag · 23/06/2019 16:44

It's not true that when you charge £50 an hour you only have to work 5 hours a day. Someone working as a therapist has to factor in the cost of the venue/room that they use, marketing, travel, professional memberships, supervision, continuous professional development. It is actually very very hard to make a good living as a therapist, most people do it as a second job. If she has a second income I'd say great but I know a great many people who have set up businesses in these sorts of areas and gone out of business within a few years and it's nothing to do with the value of the therapy they are offering. The market is very crowded. Things like hypnotherapy are not in themselves "woo" but there are a great many organisations offering training in these things and the quality and value does vary. So you are wise to counsel her to be cautious but not to dismiss these things as woo, hypnotherapy has helped a great many people.

strawberriesandrosepetals · 23/06/2019 16:50

Hello OP
I think I know where you're coming from. It seems such a leap from someone who has presumably always been very rational and logical given their history to suddenly change to something woo as you put it. It is understandable that you are worried and concerned because you care.

I must admit with recent upheaval in my life I have considered turning away from my logical job and doing something more rewarding, although I admit more along the lines of helping people or animals in a more practical sense. Logic (And finance!) dictate otherwise for the time being.

As long as you are as sure as you can be that she is not being taken advantage of, I'd say let her go for it.

sage46 · 23/06/2019 16:52

New to Mumsnet, what is 'woo'?

BarbedBloom · 23/06/2019 16:54

I thought you were going to say she was going to be a medium or crystal healer etc. I don't think any of these are particularly woo really. Alternative therapies can help some people, acupuncture definitely makes a difference to my arthritis for example.

DonkeyHohtay · 23/06/2019 16:55

I distanced myself from a former friend who sounds similar - good degree and decent job and gave it up to train as a homeopath. She is very evangelical about her "medical education" that I just couldn't respect her as friend any more.

strawberriesandrosepetals · 23/06/2019 16:56

Actually I do recall one occasion I was unhappy with woo.

My Mum lost her parents and not long afterwards spoke to a medium in the local pub. Making money out of her grief and upsetting her. Not my place to stop her but I was in the background pacing like a guard dog ready to lamp him one if he got too far out of line.

Idontwanttotalk · 23/06/2019 16:56

I've visited an Hypnotherapist twice - once to help me quit smoking and then 5 years later to help lose the 4 stones I'd put on in weight after quitting smoking. Nothing strange about it. They just speak to your subconscious. Never smoked since and lost the weight in 3 months.

Counselling is always being recommended on MN so hardly 'woo'.

I've also had reiki loads of times and it has and it is very therapeutic...and yes, I am now trained in it, but only use on DH and myself.

Nothing wrong with spiritualist churches either. They don't care if you have a religion or not, they are fully inclusive, marry same sex couples etc. They treat everyone as equals. They just believe our spirits live on after physical death and have mediums/ demonstrators who give information to you regarding who they are communicating with. They don't claim to prove life after death but ask you to judge on the information received. They do not try and convert you. They believe that, if you want to become a Spiritualist, you will come to it in your own time. I do not consider myself a Spiritualist but I do go to various Churches.

It sounds like your friend is just far more open-minded and has interests in her life. When a parent dies it is a massive life-changing event that often makes people re-evaluate what they consider important. It sounds as if this is what your friend has done.

She probably thinks that a Civil service job isn't very meaningful in the overall scheme of things and wants to help others in a more direct way.

BishopofBathandWells · 23/06/2019 16:56

@sage46 It's like strange; weird. Think "woo" as in the noise a ghost makes.

leghairdontcare · 23/06/2019 16:58

"Woo" is unscientific, superstition stuff. Ghosts, psychics, homeopathy etc

Reiki is definitely woo. I got into an argument with a masseuse about it once and it bloody ruined my massage.

I think you're right to be concerned but give your friend space and support. that's all you can do.

BishopofBathandWells · 23/06/2019 16:59

@strawberriesandrosepetals I was going to mention a similar situation I'd experienced upthread; a woman I knew lost a child very suddenly. The child was very young and it was shattering, understandably. This woman was preyed upon (honest, it's the best word I can use) by spiritualists in the area who, having found her on social media after the story was in the local rag, messaged her saying they could put her in contact with her dead child (for a fee, naturally). It was absolutely sickening.

I consider myself to be quite open-minded and I love a woo thread on MN, but yes - I've seen a different side to it, also.

Tallgreenbottle · 23/06/2019 16:59

Totally worthwhile business to get in to tbh. Pays a fortune and will always be a demand. If you give someone a bit of joy or comfort, what does it matter?

You sound like a bit of an arse tbh OP. A very judgy one at that.

Mrsmadevans · 23/06/2019 17:02

Perhaps her Dad left her some money and she is financially able to pursue her dream op.