To ask how often your toddlers get cake, chocolate etc?

[SinkGirl]

My twins are 2.5 - so there are no drip feeds, they are both autistic and non verbal. One has a medical condition affecting his blood sugar levels so that’s meant a high carb diet for his life so far.

I’ve tried to avoid junk food with them. Unfortunately they’re a bit too fond of processed foods like potato waffles and fish fingers for my liking, but they eat considerable amounts of fruit and veg every day so I pick my battles. One has a condition that means he must eat regularly so I have to give him what he will eat - fortunately they will eat some healthier options so I make sure they do, but they’d eat beans on toast every day if I let them. They normally only drink milk and water unless the one who’s unwell needs sugar quickly.

Anyway, I’ve avoided things like chocolate, crisps, cake, sweets, fruit juice / squash etc. Until this year they’d only had a piece of cake on their birthday and that was it. Tried to give them hot chocolate at Christmas and they threw it across the room in disgust. One had some dairy free chocolate at Easter and loved it, the other thought it was gross.

I haven’t avoided it because I think it’s bad, I’m very much a believer in everything in moderation. I’ve avoided these things for two reasons - they’re allergic to dairy, so it’s more difficult to find treat foods. Also, they don’t know these things exist and can’t ask for them, so it seemed silly to give them in case they then rejected healthier foods (a real possibility with their ASD).

One has become allergic to egg and I was advised to try him with eggs baked into something like cakes. So I bought some dairy free mini loaf cakes with jam in the middle (like the size of a cake bar). I only gave them a quarter at first in case of a reaction but they love them and no reaction.

Is a whole one of these too much sugar / calories for a toddler? How often do you give “treats” like this? I have no objection to it, I just don’t want their diet to be unhealthy and I have no frame of reference.

I thought by this age they’d be begging for this stuff and that would force my hand but as that’s not happening I’m not sure what to do. I’ve been advised to give something with baked egg in it “regularly” along with other allergens but I’m not sure what that means.

How often do you toddlers have stuff like this?

I’d love to bake them stuff myself but finding the time is not proving easy!

Although I’m not super strict about what my kids eat, they definitely eat pretty healthily on average. I’d absolutely let my 4 year old or 20m old eat one of those cake bars no problem. A whole one! A quarter of one is just ridiculous lol! I guess if I had twins I could give them half each. They have things like custard pots, haribo, flavored yoghurts, chocolate buttons, digestive biscuits all the time. As well as crisps, crackers and other savory snacks that probably aren’t the healthiest. Probably several times per week. They also eat lots of fruit and veg. Everything in moderation!

Also my 4 yr old DS has an egg allergy and can tolerate baked egg. Hopefully we will start eating it regularly soon. At the moment he just licks icing off cakes anyway and won’t eat them, so I need to find a way to entice him to try them

I probably wouldn't have given my PFB something like that at 2. I was ridiculously anal about sugar. 2 year old number 3 probably has something like that every day. Or he might for a couple of days without and then have 3 in one go.

I'd probably split up the cake, but mine's a lot younger. He does get a dessert every day, a nut butter or fruit in weetabix or oatibix works well, plus a little honey if he's not having enough calories. Meridian does hazelnut and peanut butters etc without salt or oil.

Can you use oat or almond milk for baking? Any dairy-free butter alternative? Then you can just use any recipe you want. I make a lot of vegetable cake because slices are nice to take out in the daytime. Lightly steam a large amount of veg (half cook), chop up small and add to a batter of flour, egg, milk then cook as a cake. I cut it into slices, then freeze it, they're useful snacks to take out and about. Rinse a frozen slice in water before you defrost it in the microwave and it stays very moist!

Another option is oat bars. Mix up porridge oats and a small amount of flour (1/5 flour to 4/5 oats) with lots of egg and a little dairy-equivalent butter, plus lots of chopped fruit and a little dairy-free milk to get to a thick biscuit-like mix. Cook on low (140), the bars come out chewy so they're another great pushchair food.

Sorry to hear the second twin caught chickenpox, I hope he has a mild version.

I believe in moderation where food is concerned, i don't generally wholly restrict anything but I do set boundaries/rules. We do have desserts after evening meals, these range from yoghurt/fruit etc to home made cakes & puddings. Most of these are nowhere near as high in sugar as shop bought - eg rice pudding, semolina & custard with not much sugar etc. I save higher sugar desserts for an odd weekend and they are the first thing to go off the menu if the savoury parts of the meal aren't being eaten. Portion sizes of desserts are small.

A friends child didn't know chocolate existed until about age 3 and loves it nonetheless but has no idea how to enjoy it in moderation.

My 3.5 year old had chocolate for the first time at 7 or 8 months. He gets it maybe once a week now? Sometimes a lollipop as bribery. We don't have juice at home but I'm happy for him to have it when out. I do home made cake a lot.

He's tiny for his age. Barely on the 9th cebtile.

My diet was completely restricted as a child and as a consequence I overate insanely as a teen and adult and became very fat. I have now lost all the weight but I still struggle on a daily basis with my relationship with food. I have noticed the fact I have let ds eat everything in moderation has meant he has an excellent gauge on his own appetite. Put some chocolate buttons and a bowl of fruit in front of him and he quite often won't eat the chocolate, because to him it's just food and he knows its not going to be months before he is offered it again.

Wish I'd been raised that way!

Thanks MRex -spots aren’t too widespread yet, mainly confined to his balls (which cannot be any fun at all, can it?!). He’s very upset though and at risk of hypos so right now he can eat whatever he wants as long as he eats!

Like I say, I don’t want to be restrictive but I do also have to be mindful of the fact they are not as developed cognitively as other children their age, they don’t have the understanding and they have sensory issues that make food refusal more likely so I do have to be careful.

I agree it’s not a good idea to be overly restrictive but I also don’t think it’s wise to give them excessive amounts of sugar / unhealthy snacks when they aren’t aware of them, don’t crave or miss them. I’m sure we have plenty of years ahead for them to crave and demand sugar :)

Poor boy, that sounds horrendous. Thank goodness for nappies and cream to stop him scratching.

I know. His twin’s entire nappy area was covered in blisters by the end, massive ones, even in his bottom, absolutely awful. But strangely they’re the ones that have healed fastest, I guess because he can’t scratch them unless he’s in the bath!

DT2’s are spreading quickly today - if he’s anything like his brother the next two days will be when he’s really poorly and then it’s just the itching. At least we have antibiotic cream if he needs it so hopefully no GP trip needed for him.

I feel sad for these kids. They are going to be so messed up. Luckily nobody is this nuts so assume the really crackers posts were show off rather than rl. Really sad OP though, it must be really hard for you. But AIBU is not the place to talk about food because everyone lies.

Sorry, what part of it is sad and which kids are going to be so messed up?

The children who are under fed and deprived. The cake bar comment, had it been true, is a good example of how nuts the internet can be.

My toddler and the older ones simply eat whatever we eat.

If you like baking I would make dairy free blueberry muffins or similar. Baking is a fantastic activity to do with children that age and they will probably enjoy the whole process

Which cake bar comment? You’re implying that my question wasn’t legitimate?

It’s very true, and my children are far from under-fed, thanks. They eat like they’ve got hollow legs, they just don’t have a lot of sugar, and almost 10g of sugar seems a lot for a snack, hence my question. The only person who seems nuts here is the person calling kids underfed and deprived because their diet is not filled with sweets.

dishwasher sadly not possible to get them involved - as I said, they both have ASD, they can’t mix, scoop etc, even if I showed them they wouldn’t copy me. Also the egg allergy would rule one out, not safe for him to have contact with uncooked egg. It’s a shame as I love baking and would love to bake with them.

I have made this recipe without the milk before, so if you could find a butter replacement, it might work? It's very quick to make (although not to cook) and you can weigh everything in the food processor bowl, so little washing up.

It sounds like you're doing a great job with the food though generally.

I can use oat milk and stork blocks instead of butter (I generally use stork in baking anyway, I tend to prefer it) so now I know they can have eggs in stuff baking will be much easier... well, when I can find the time anyway!

Not in the slightest. I am sympathetic and can't imagine how difficult it must be. I am simply saddened by the people that jump in with comments that if true would cause food anxiety and eating disorders. There are some pretty ad competitive people in AIBU who always try to be the most frugal and eat less than anyone else. In real life they are probably depressed and overweight. I would never pass judgment on how anyone deals with such a complex set of needs and wish nothing but the best to the OP and her family.

@onioncrumble - what comment are you talking about? OP and everyone else has been posting about two year olds, whether they get cake or not isn't going to lead to an eating disorder. Nobody has said their child gets no treats at all, there's just variation in how often. If it was about 12 year olds then sure, different rules apply, and not just for food.

You sound as bad as my sibling who bought a full size Easter egg for 13 month old DS and was surprised he wasn't going to be given the whole lot to eat at once. It was as big as two of his normal meals! Toddlers can enjoy a treat without being silly.

I think onion is referring to the user who said "My 2 year old would have a treat like that once every few months, for someone’s birthday or similar. I personally would only give a quarter or so, not a whole mini loaf."

A quarter of a mini roll seized snack, every few months, for a special occasion? Other posters, including myself, already pointed to that being ridiculous. Huge difference between that (unreasonable) and not eating an entire easter egg (reasonable)!

It isn't what I do, but I don't see how giving a quarter piece of cake every now and then makes them "under fed and deprived". They might be having fruit yoghurt, sugar free homemade pancakes, honey oatibix, and other snacks for dessert instead. One post is hardly giving you a full diet.

Apologies, I misunderstood. We do have quite a complicated mix of issues over here so I’m just muddling through doing my best!

I understand not wanting to give any sugar at all, it’s an impulse I’ve fought myself but I’m definitely more relaxed than I was.