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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at DH pulling up skirt?

48 replies

IGiveUp27 · 23/06/2019 10:16

Maybe I'm overreacting but here we go. I was emptying the dryer a little while ago (which is difficult for me anyway as I have a fairly debilitating health condition) and DH came up behind me, as he often does and attempted to pull up my dress. I quickly pulled at my dress as I knew for one, that I didn't have any underwear one (just taken off to put new pair on) DH also knew this and my ass was pointing directly towards our huge kitchen window! I didn't want the whole neighbourhood seeing my butt and I just don't want to be touched up whilst I'm laundering!

Anyway, as soon as I said no, DH said "Oh fine then" and grumped off. This isn't the first time he's been like it either, he's always making comments about how little sex he gets (we have sex like twice a week).

I don't think I would've been so bothered if he'd just been touching my bum a bit but sometimes he makes me feel so exposed. I just feel like he thinks he can do whatever he likes.

AIBU or is he?

OP posts:
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 23/06/2019 10:26

Of course you're not being unreasonable.

I don't see the relevance in how many times per week you have sex.
Even if you hadn't had sex with him for 10 years it wouldn't justify him pulling up your skirt.

Winterfellismyhome · 23/06/2019 10:27

Men that strop after being told no are so unattractive.

YANBU Thanks

FudgeBrownie2019 · 23/06/2019 10:30

I just feel like he thinks he can do whatever he likes.

That level of entitlement is the most off-putting thing imaginable. He is massively revolting to be mardy because he can't get what he wants. Has he always been such a prick?

BarbedBloom · 23/06/2019 10:32

You aren't a sex object and he shouldn't be treating you like one. You are perfectly entitled to have boundaries about your body and him sulking would be hugely off putting for me

VladmirsPoutine · 23/06/2019 10:33

I can't see that you would be unreasonable for not wanting your skirt pulled up or to be groped. Why would you imagine you might be?

MissPollyHadADolly19 · 23/06/2019 10:35

I'd hate this too!
I hate being poked, prodded, touched when I'm busy doing something and YANBU.
My DH went through a phase of if I bent over to either pick something up/take washing out/get something out the freezer he would slap my bum Angry I'd get arsey with him then he'd laugh and walk off, if he had thrown a strop it would of been war though.
Oh and sex twice a week isn't a bad thing either so I don't know why he sees that as an issue!

Original poster
IGiveUp27 · 23/06/2019 10:37

@Awwlookatmybabyspider Sorry, its not relevant really but I suppose I was just trying to point out that it's not even like he's sexually frustrated because he's not "getting any"

@VladmirsPoutine I suppose you only know what goes on in your own home so you don't know what other people class as "normal" 🤔

OP posts:
RosalineOxy · 23/06/2019 10:37

I don't think I would've been so bothered if he'd just been touching my bum a bit but sometimes he makes me feel so exposed.

Sounds like he Was "just touching [your] bum a bit".

Either you're happy with that or not and he should respect your feelings.

But you just said you wouldn't have been so bothered with it...

TrentBridge · 23/06/2019 10:38

Did you name change OP or is this your first post?

Other posters, I'd be very careful of sharing similar stories about being violated or embarrassed here

Original poster
IGiveUp27 · 23/06/2019 10:39

@MissPollyHadADolly19 My DH is exactly like this! He's always grabbing me. If I'm stood doing the washing up he'll just start touching my boobs like we are in a porn movie! I just try and laugh it off but I swear I'm stood there grinding my teeth!

OP posts:
Original poster
IGiveUp27 · 23/06/2019 10:44

@RosalineOxy Yes I meant I feel exposed because I was actually about to be exposed Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
IGiveUp27 · 23/06/2019 10:45

@TrentBridge I definitely name changed!

OP posts:
Pinkmouse6 · 23/06/2019 10:46

Walk up to him and pull his trousers down when he is in front of a street facing window, see how he likes it.

RosalineOxy · 23/06/2019 10:47

@IGiveUp27 I'm confused by what you said. You explicitly stated you wouldn't really have been bothered if he'd touched your bum. Then when he did, you felt all exposed and got annoyed. I can see how he might be unsure of what you'll accept.

3GreenFrogs · 23/06/2019 10:49

He pulled her skirt up! That’s what made her feel exposed. I would have elbowed him in the head

saraclara · 23/06/2019 10:52

Just say to him how very unsexy it is, when he does this. Given that it's a complete turn off for you, it's not going to achieve what he hopes.

Bobbiepin · 23/06/2019 10:54

My DH pulls my trousers down, just below my bum when my hands are full and can't pull them up, it's a joke between us that we are both ok with, but if I asked him to stop it he would without question. He wouldn't do it if I would have been exposed in front of a window. Yes it might be a joke but your DH hasn't thought it through and has reacted badly.

VladmirsPoutine · 23/06/2019 10:54

Rosaline There's no ambiguity in this situation. No-one has a 'right' to touch anyone else, even if they are married to the other person.

RosalineOxy · 23/06/2019 10:54

Ffs, I didn't mention 'exposed' in my first first response. OP focused on it when I asked about the 'not bothered' part.

I get that taking your clothes off is literally exposing. But if you are happy to be touched intimately by DH, exposing the body part is usually necessary for someone to touch a body part you keep covered!

BenWillbondsPants · 23/06/2019 10:55

I hate shit like this. If I'm doing bits and pieces around the house etc., that's what I want to do. It's never an invitation to pull my skirt up etc. I absolutely loathe someone coming up behind me anyway.

RosalineOxy · 23/06/2019 10:59

@VladmirsPoutine I totally agree noone has that right, even if married or have been allowed to before. He stopped though. Granted, he has a strop, but he didn't act like he still had the right when told no.

I'm picking up on what lots of posters have ignored - she said she wouldn't have been bothered by him touching her! So how would he know he didn't have her permission until she told him?

If I touched my DH's bum and he said no, id stop. But if I believed, because he SAID he wasn't bothered by a bit of bum touching, that he was happy and consenting, I might put my hands on his bare skin in the privacy of our own home. It's not disrespectful and unloving in and of itself.

SoupDragon · 23/06/2019 10:59

if you are happy to be touched intimately by DH, exposing the body part is usually necessary for someone to touch a body part you keep covered!

No it isn't. You can easily touch it through clothing.

katseyes7 · 23/06/2019 10:59

My ex husband once came up behind me while l was washing my face! l was bent over the basin rinsing off cleanser, and he started groping me.
Let's just say he never did it again.

Original poster
IGiveUp27 · 23/06/2019 11:04

@RosalineOxy I said "I wouldn't have been SO bothered" not "not bothered at all". He knew I didn't have underwear on and that I would have had literally everything out!

OP posts:
RosalineOxy · 23/06/2019 11:05

@SoupDragon I guess I'm of the opinion that there's more pleasure in over the clothes touching for the one touching. I see that as more prodding/grabbing/groping than touching skin sensually.

If I pay for a back massage, I take my clothes off. Its slightly exposing, but definitely feels better.

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