To be annoyed at DH pulling up skirt?

[IGiveUp27]

Maybe I'm overreacting but here we go. I was emptying the dryer a little while ago (which is difficult for me anyway as I have a fairly debilitating health condition) and DH came up behind me, as he often does and attempted to pull up my dress. I quickly pulled at my dress as I knew for one, that I didn't have any underwear one (just taken off to put new pair on) DH also knew this and my ass was pointing directly towards our huge kitchen window! I didn't want the whole neighbourhood seeing my butt and I just don't want to be touched up whilst I'm laundering!

Anyway, as soon as I said no, DH said "Oh fine then" and grumped off. This isn't the first time he's been like it either, he's always making comments about how little sex he gets (we have sex like twice a week).

I don't think I would've been so bothered if he'd just been touching my bum a bit but sometimes he makes me feel so exposed. I just feel like he thinks he can do whatever he likes.

AIBU or is he?

Isn't the point that the OP wouldn't have minded if he briefly touched her bum but he didn't do that, he sought to actually pull up her dress. Isn't it the sort of thing where you wouldn't mind a quick kiss but don't want to stand there snogging like teenagers behind a shed?

It doesn't matter if they'd literally just finished having sex, he is out of line to strop off because OP doesn't want to be touched.

Nobody has the right to someone else's body, whether they're married, in a relationship or perfect strangers.

The key for any kind of intimacy is trust and consent. Without either it becomes murky, very quickly.

@RosalineOxy She means if he had just caressed her bum not tried to pull up her whole skirt and show her bum to the street. Why are you challenging her on what her boundaries are anyway?

YANBU. Tell him if wants to be sexy he needs little more finesse! Otherwise he's just treating you like an object and he can piss off

I just feel like he thinks he can do whatever he likes.

So point that out to him, and point out that he cannot do whatever he likes with your body. There is simply no reasonable scenario when he can.

He may well huff about he just fancies you, he's not getting enough and all that bollocks, but none of it justifies carrying on with something that he knows you seriously dislike. He can show he fancies you in all sorts of perfectly non-objectionable ways.

Also, huffing at being told no indicates he has no respect for you or your body or your control over your body. It's not his!

Other posters, I'd be very careful of sharing similar stories about being violated or embarrassed here

@TrentBridge, why? The op is looking for help and advice, why is that wrong?

OP, My dh does similar. I hate it. It's in front of the kids, and I just hate that he just shoves his hands wherever he wants, then when I tell him to stop he says, but I can't help it! I absolutely hate it. I don't want the kids seeing him constantly groping me, and I fucking hate being grabbed at.

When you say you have sex twice a week, is that because you actively want to have sex twice a week, or does he sulk and strop and make out you’re a bad wife if you don’t?

Other posters, I'd be very careful of sharing similar stories about being violated or embarrassed here

First post, NC or not, this is good advice.

why? The op is looking for help and advice, why is that wrong?

Because this is a public forum and you have no idea who is reading or why.

@MrsCBY 🤔 Maybe a bit of both?

IGiveUp The sulking and stropping if you don’t have sex is a form of coercion. You might find this interesting/enlightening:

mobile.twitter.com/FreedomProgramm/status/1142078917823647745

I know that how he behaves seems normal to you, but it’s not. Or rather, it’s sadly quite common, but not at all a sign of a healthy, loving relationship. There are lots of men who really wouldn’t want to have sex with a partner who wasn’t 100% willing, ever.

Touching her bum, is very different from lifting her skirt up. It's easy to understand...not rocket science that it makes her feel exposed at all.

OP... I know what you mean and YANBU.

Let him sulk. Ignore him.

Have a conversation. Tell him how you feel. But do it when the dust has settled.

@CrazyToast I'm not challenging anyone's boundaries. I clearly said either OP likes it or not and her DH should respect that. I'm challenging the idea that if someone isn't bothered by just....whatever, but gets angry when that happens, it's not good communication in a relationship.

I clearly understand that putting your hands on someone while they're wearing clothes is different from taking their clothes off, or getting in to them. But OP didn't say that was okay and skin to skin contact wasn't. In my honest opinion, touching of my skin from my DH is better (as in more respectful and actually to make me feel good) than grabbing me in public just because I'm covered.

I just think going off the information in the opening post, telling strangers you'd not be bothered about touching in itself, but you had a go at him for moving clothes out of the way is weird.

Clearly, I shouldn't have my own views on the nuances of communication and consistency about these things in a relationship.

Maybe I should have said...
Oh my goodness, what a rat. Doesn't he know its your body? Where's his fucking respect for you as a person? Being married to you gives him no rights at all to ever touch you without asking first. He's basically a rapist. You're the only one allowed to lift your dress in your house. Imagine I'd you ever tried to undress him? And why the fuck wasn't he doing your laundry for you??!!

It all sounds rather 'reader's wives' to me.

@YouJustDoYou Ermm maybe because not everyone on here is genuine? And that voyuerism / being taken advantage of is a big fantasy for some people? And that there are probably several horny teenagers / dirty old men currently getting their rocks off on all these "helpful" shared stories of when it happened to them too?

Other posters, I'd be very careful of sharing similar stories about being violated or embarrassed here

Absolutely agree, TrentBridge.

First post, dubious subject...screams some creepy getting his freak on.

YouJustDoYou: why? The op is looking for help and advice, why is that wrong?

Seriously? Oh to live in your little naive ignorant world!
Offer help and advice if you wish, but be extremely about sharing your own stories of being violated and molested.

Off topic but laundering always sounds American to me, or more to do with money laundering. I'm South/Midlands and say doing the washing or doing the laundry.

@PotholePalace I wouldn't usually use the term laundering lol I just couldn't be bothered to type "Whilst I'm doing the laundry" 😂

@TrentBridge and @ConcreteUnderpants I am definitely being genuine! I've thought about posting several times before. Obviously I wanted to name change because it's embarrassing to me

Nasty