Mother strikes again - AIBU?

[PrincipalSkinner]

I announced my pregnancy yesterday to my parents at 13 weeks and 18 months of ttc.

So here's how it went:

Me: We have an announcement.
Mother: You're pregnant
Me: Yes (big cheesy grin)
Mother: I knew you were
Me: Ok, how did you know?
Mother: Your brother told me.
Me: I haven't told anyone yet, you're the first.
Mother: Well he knew you were because of your moods lately.
Me: Okaay.. (At this point I told my husband to show them the scan photo to deflect the convo away from this)
Mother: You were the same last time you were pregnant.

At this point I said "ah do you know what" and said to my husband shall we just go and we just left without saying anything else.

Obviously I know people aren't going to be as happy as me and my husband but to use the announcement to insult me and bring up that my sibling has been discussing me behind my back seems pretty unreasonable. All I wanted was a congratulations. They've since been ringing me non-stop but keep saying I'm too sensitive. This seems to be a normal thing recently, my brother has been given the green light to speak to me and treat me however he wants because it will all be dealt with by my parents that I'm too sensitive. I'm 28 with my own family, my brother has never had a relationship and lives with parents.

Am I being too sensitive? I would like an impartial view

Yanbu what a mood killer!

I’m so sorry your parents were so rude. Many congratulations on this wonderful news

I think I'd be a bit miffed too! Your brother couldn't have told them because he didn't know! Are they usually this difficult?

I don't think YABU, but I do think some people love to say "I knew it" when you announce lovely news, almost like they have one over on you. And you can't stop them because often they're so unaware that they make it about them knowing rather than about your joy.

Congratulations. It's wonderful news and other people not sharing in your joy in the way you'd hoped shouldn't make it any less wonderful for you. Celebrate with the people you love, let others do as they please and try to let it wash over you.

Yanbu. Congratulations

They sound awful!

Huge congrats

Also, people who use the "you're too sensitive" thing by way of deflecting from their own rudeness are aware they're being rude, they're just afraid of being called out on it so find a way to push it onto you. Stand firm and tell them they were being dicks. They can choose to own it or not, but then you can choose to share your life with them or not, too.

Tricky. YANBU that it would have been far kinder and nicer to express delight and congratulate you without mentioning that they’d known for ages.

On the other hand you sound a little bit over invested in their reactions and the grown up thing to do now is have a straightforward conversation rather than texts pinging back and forth. I suspect they have never been the types who would bounce up and down and make a huge fuss. Create a bit more space and focus on your own family.

Hopefully your friends and other family members will react in a happier way.

OMG why the fuck can't people just say 'aaahhhh congratulations that's lovely' ... whether they 'knew' or not

You're NOT being unreasonable st all - your family are rubbish !!

YANBU. they sound horrible. Don't bother sharing any more pregnancy baby news with them.

No, you're not oversensitive.
Your mother is tactless and completely lacking in empathy and social skills.

Presume db is The Golden Child?

YANBU, you'd DM sounds awful, don't let her spoil any more of this time for you. Congratulations on your pregnancy, OP.

Of course you're not being too sensitive.

You were hoping she'd be happy and please with your lovely new and she just wanted to score points in a way to take the wind out of your sails. It was a mean thing to do.

I would not tell them much about anything else from now.!

That’s shit. You did exactly the right thing.
Don’t let them gaslight you with the “too sensitive” shite; and keep withdrawing or calling out out such behaviour every time they do it.
You did really well to leave. It was the right thing to do.

I'm pretty sure the "too sensitive" comments are are form of gaslighting.

I'm oversensitive but it's the years of comments that have left me with a hair trigger for this sort of shit.

The "drop the rope" technique is good. However, for this announcement, it's just plain poor manners on your mother's part.

Thank you all for your lovely messages and perspectives! It means a lot. We are so thrilled with the news

Also, I feel really bad because I haven't spoken to them since we left. I don't want them to feel guilty for days or anything. I'll ring them later and probably say "it doesn't matter does it, it's done now".

Then again that sounds as if I'm brushing it under the carpet but I don't want them to feel guilty. Can't win

Congratulations!

I think it’s ok to say how deflating it is to be told you’re moody when you’re trying to share good news and that you hoped they’d be happy too.

If they say you’re too sensitive, you can point out they haven’t yet congratulated you or made any type of acknowledgement that you have good news.

You don’t have to sweep it under the carpet.

Read up on fog - fear, obligation and guilt.

I sometimes think it's a delaying tactic too, they don't know what to say, so say something rude. Not worked out why people do this tho.

My in-laws were pretty rude when we announced we were getting married, I ignored them for a few months and it's ok many years later. But I've not forgotten...

Congratulations!!

Nope, YANBU!

If you do speak to her and she says that you are too sensitive again, don't brush it under the carpet and say something like this:

"Whether you think I'm too sensitive or not does not take away from the fact that when someone tells you happy news, you should say congratulations! It's not the time to start picking on someone about their "moods" or anything else. While we're talking about "sensitivity", I thought you were very insensitive, in fact."

Actually, every time they say you're too sensitive, just say well I think you're too insensitive! Hopefully there soon get bored of it and stop using it as an excuse for their rudeness.

YANBU.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

I wouldn't bother calling them personally. Your DM doesn't recognise that she was wrong and rather than apologise, she says you're too sensitive.

Your mum hasn't for one minute reflected on her words...so there's every chance she'll do it again.

my brother has been given the green light to speak to me and treat me however he wants because it will all be dealt with by my parents that I'm too sensitive.

You need to stand up for yourself. Tell your brother that if he can't be pleasant and speak to you with courtesy, you'd rather he didn't speak to you.

I'll ring them later and probably say "it doesn't matter does it, it's done now".

But it does matter.

Why would you say it doesn't? To keep the peace? They should feel guilty for being so horrible.

There's no way my mum would entertain a sibling talking about me like that to her. What a messed up situation.

I have little patience for such behaviour and quite frankly, don't need ppl like that in my life.

My ex used to love saying things like that "Oh yes I just knew you were pregnant !"he'd crow. I'd just cringe . They do it to make themselves look smart , like they are clairvoyant or something.

Congratulations by the way !