Mother strikes again - AIBU?

[PrincipalSkinner]

I announced my pregnancy yesterday to my parents at 13 weeks and 18 months of ttc.

So here's how it went:

Me: We have an announcement.
Mother: You're pregnant
Me: Yes (big cheesy grin)
Mother: I knew you were
Me: Ok, how did you know?
Mother: Your brother told me.
Me: I haven't told anyone yet, you're the first.
Mother: Well he knew you were because of your moods lately.
Me: Okaay.. (At this point I told my husband to show them the scan photo to deflect the convo away from this)
Mother: You were the same last time you were pregnant.

At this point I said "ah do you know what" and said to my husband shall we just go and we just left without saying anything else.

Obviously I know people aren't going to be as happy as me and my husband but to use the announcement to insult me and bring up that my sibling has been discussing me behind my back seems pretty unreasonable. All I wanted was a congratulations. They've since been ringing me non-stop but keep saying I'm too sensitive. This seems to be a normal thing recently, my brother has been given the green light to speak to me and treat me however he wants because it will all be dealt with by my parents that I'm too sensitive. I'm 28 with my own family, my brother has never had a relationship and lives with parents.

Am I being too sensitive? I would like an impartial view

Why don't you want them to feel guilty? They upset you and are now minimising it by saying you're too sensitive. Mute them for a few days and let them feel guilty.

To be honest, this sounds like the tip of the iceberg, but remember that you don't owe them anything.

Congratulations!

Sympathies, I have a very similar family dynamic and have had very similar convos to that.

I have no advice, I'm afraid, I'm not really sure how to deal with it either, and it upsets me too.

But congrats on the pregnancy xx

Your dm wants your db to be the highlight of the chat for being correct. Not you to have such great news!!
Please don't ring her. You would be rewarding her shoddy treatment of you.
Let her stew.

My family have spent the last 40 years telling me how over sensitive I am. Only recently did I figure out that since all the other people around me have never once said I’m over sensitive, the problem could be that they are rude and nasty.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, I hoe everything goes well.

Possibly the only way to deal with it is to have very low expectations.

BTW, congratulations.

Congratulations OP

YANBU. You weren’t oversensitive, they are only saying that to make themselves feel better. They were unnecessarily rude. Congratulations .

Congrats to you both.

Don't ring them. Let them stew for a few days. And for the love of god don't brush it under the carpet if they try to make out that you are being sensitive. Tell them that they pissed you off by insulting you. And tell your brother to fuck off and get a life.

Congratulations!
They sound awful and insensitive. Send a message saying you don't want to talk to them now as you and your DH are enjoying your happy news. Sod them!

It isn't all right and it does matter.

There's no earthy reason for you to effectively apologise for being upset with your mother.

Leave it until you feel able to have a conversation with her in which you don't feel the need to put yourself on the back foot.

Every time she does something like this and you tell her it doesn't matter you're reinforcing her behaviour. Accept that you were right to react the way you did and she was unkind and don't tell her it doesn't matter.

Congratulations!
Don't ring them they're in the wrong and try to cover it by saying you're too sensitive like it's your problem they have been mean to you.
My family are exactly the same always try to guilt trip me into things when I'm the only one who sees how they really are, makes me sound crazy! Worst part is when they convince other people that I'm the nasty/selfish one 🤨. I just don't engage with them anymore then I need to and when they try to get little digs in I just leave. A certain few in my family are very manipulative and I cba with it.

First of all. Massive CONGRATULATIONS.

I also think IT DOES MATTER. Please don't tell them it doesn't matter. It matters. You are not being over sensitive, that old chestnut is the rude person's get out of jail card. By telling them it doesn't matter is giving them permission to continue to put you down and belittle the big moments in your life. Having a baby is a big announcement in a family.

Text back something like. I am not being over sensitive, you were rude. This situation could have been avoided if you had stuck to 'congratulations and when is it due etc'. Instead you felt the need to bring up my brother opinions - the brother with no medical (I am assuming) maternity or psychiatric training to trample over our good news. We are happy with our new baby news and I don't want to dwell on your negativity so I shall draw a line under this now and will speak to you later. Well you call don't get into a conversation about it.

Do not them let tell you - its you.

And congratulations again.

You’re not over sensitive, they’re just bloody rude.

They're a bunch of little shits, aren't they?

Do you know what I'd do. Literally, a text to both, with this image/gif, and a laughing emoji.

Your bro will get it.

Seriously, you cannot 'argue' or 'reason' against that kind of behaviour. It's the bullying, nasty dynamic - anything, anything you say will be used against you, the 'you're too sensitive' is classic.

So you just literally give them the finger. They WILL get that because deep down they KNOW what they are doing. They also know that it's so hard for anyone to put their finger on it properly that they think they're safe in treating you this way, that they can tie you up in knots. You're just the scapegoat.

So you just give them a fuck you.

Then you don't give them any more news about the pregnancy. Or anything else. Second scan? Let them find out from someone else and when they complain, send a laughing emoji and 'Yeah sorry about that, I wasn't up for some cutting comment about me that you'd manage to shoehorn into your 'congratulations' so I didn't bother to tell you'

Your dm isn't thinking of you. She's thinking of herself, how clever she and your db are and are trying to control the situation. How awful. Expecting them to be happy for you and give a congratulations is perfectly reasonable, and I'd have called them out on the spot to say exactly that. These are not supportive people, stop sharing stuff with them for a while and do not apologise, you've done nothing wrong. Instead, try not to let it get to you, they can stew if they like but you should be thinking happy thoughts with your dh and planning for baby's arrival.

Congratulations by the way!

Oh and don't call them!

Congratulations!

I grew up with lots of brothers and a tip - try not to let things like this bother you. Coz any ‘sensitivity’ is likely to be interpreted as further evidence of moodiness. Your family including your brother are probably thrilled but just don’t express it in a normal way. Mine are a bit like that but will do v thoughtful stuff for my kids.

Congratulations! Ywnbu it does matter. Don’t minimise it, you are not being over sensitive.
You could just let them find a solution that is acceptable to you, you don’t need to accept their myth that it is your over sensitivity.
You certainly do not need to feel guilty!

FFS what's wrong with sone people!

CONGRATULATIONS OP!

When's the baby due? Are you going to find out the sex? How're you feeling?

YANBU. They sound horrible. Congratulations on your pregnancy

I had a similar reaction when DH and I got engaged. My father replied with "These things happen" and my brother said "Oh right" and walked out of the room.

Some people can never just be happy for anyone else x

Congratulations

Don't phone, they don't feel guilty, they just want you to feel bad for them.

You did the right thing. They ruined what should have been a really special moment for you to share. You deserved the chance to tell them and be congratulated. I’d tell them that when you get round to speaking to them again.

Fuck them OP..

Congratulations on your wonderful news, and share NOTHING with them from now on.. horrible bastards

I was so excited to tell my own DM about my second pregnancy. My first was a bit of a shock and I’d ended up telling them on the phone, so second time around I was so excited to tell them properly.

I was on a day out with my DM, who I consider myself really close to. I couldn’t hold it in any longer so I told her I had a special surprise as we were sitting my a lovely river watching my DS chase butterflies. I didn’t think I could have picked a nicer moment.

Her very first reaction was ‘Have you told your dad? You can’t be telling me this without him as he’ll never forgive me!’

I was so upset with her. Yes, my Dad is a massive control freak, he doesn’t like it if he isn’t the first to know something. But to completely ruin the moment for me SUCKED!

So your not alone OP. I completely understand and feel for you.