About going to DH’s conference with a toddler?

[EssentialHummus]

DH has a work conference coming up, 3 days in a pretty rural area in Europe. When this was first mooted he suggested that 21 month old DD and I come too (for a very low fee). I was ambivalent. It’s now two weeks away and I’m so, so not keen - if we drive it’s 7+ hours, with some constraints on timing because of two ferries. If it’s a flight and trains we will need to lug a lot of stuff. DD needs pitch black to sleep and doesn’t do brilliantly in travel cots. I don’t like the idea that I’m not sure what I’ll be doing with her all day (DH will be conferencing), and that a lot of the attractions are outdoors so if the weather turns we’re buggered. And then the journey back. I’ll also miss a day of childcare (I have one day of it a week).

Basically, I’d love to be the sort of person who chucks two nappies in a bag and just rolls with things, but I’m not. I’m now irritated with myself, and DH is making grumbling noises. AIBU? Would you go?

Me, nope!

I am a hugely organised person. But I recognise that travelling is good for kids- unfamiliar situations/having to adapt/new people etc is really good for them so I have had to make some adjustments to how I think and go with the flow a bit on stuff.
I am still organised but it’s worked. I suspect you won’t need as much as you think you will do. (I fly long haul with a toddler and a 7 year old a LOT).

Sounds like a faff. Are there any attractions nearby that you could do? Will your DH be off any of the time? We go to my husbands conferences but he is able to spend time with us and they are usually in capital cities so plenty to see.

I understand the trepidation, I would feel it too, but I think you should go. It’s summer, make sure you have waterproofs and the weather doesn’t have to have a massive impact on your plans. Take tin foil and you can stick it to the window with plain water, i do this at home because it’s better than our blackout blind because there are no gaps at all.

The only deal breaker for me would be the travelling; no f’ing way would I entertain the notion of a 7 hour drive with a toddler. I would insist on flying tbh.

There will be moments that are hard, but on the whole a change of scenery is good for everyone.

Are there any attractions nearby that you could do? Will your DH be off any of the time?

No and no. It’s an island, there’s a nature reserve (that you need to cycle to), a few villages.

I can't see any reason for you to go! What a shame.

Sounds the kind of thing which would have been fun pre-child but now just isn't worth the hassle - to what? Wander about on your own trying to entertain a tired a crotchety 21 month old? No thanks.

I wouldn’t but if you’ve already paid for it, that’s different maybe.

Dh and I both travel for work. It has never once occurred to us to bring the dc with us. I love my kids, but the excuse to work away and get a few days of peaceful mealtimes and uninterrupted sleep is f*cking amazing. I did two weeks in the US and Australia for conferences and meetings when my eldest was only 17 months. Everyone lived to tell about it. I can’t see why your dh would even want this.

But I wouldn’t be up for it no. 7 hour drive will be closer to at least 10-12 with a toddler. For that reason alone I’d either fly or stay home.

Don’t go. Been there, got the scars, just no.

Can you leave your child behind and just go as a couple?

No I wouldn’t it sounds like it will be hell trying to entertain a grumpy tired toddler if there’s naff all to do. I’d say I’d had second thoughts and back out of it.

We go on plenty of holidays so I think she (and I) have enough breaks from routine. I think DH was thinking “free holiday” but it just feels like so much faff.

jemima I wish! No GPs etc to take her unfortunately.

Hell no

Christ. Sounds like a lot of effort for you and DD to just be hanging around.

If your DH doesn't have free time then it sounds like it will be you trying to entertain a baby in a hotel room - not fun.

Stay home.

Is it a nice country manor type of hotel? If so many of those have access to local childminding / babysitting services if you stay during the week. You could then at least have a few hours to enjoy the hotel.

What's in it for you?

Is it abroad from you? Have you sorted her passport if so?

I’m like you, not at all the”grab a nappy and go” type, so I get it. But how long have you been talking about it and how long until it happens? If you’d said yes a long time ago, and it’s nezt week, then I think it’s just wobbles and you should go for it. I’ve often been nudged into things like this and it’s oftwn far better than I’ve been dreading in advance!

teddy not exactly, but it’s an upmarket hotel on the coast. They have some sort of children’s program in place (DH emailed them) but it’s a stay and play type thing. No further info available.

I don’t think anything is in it for me tbh. I feel bad for not going “Yay, adventure!” but I’d genuinely rather be in my own home and routine, spending the £50 we’d need to pay on a couple of good takeaways.

Yes it’s a different country from us. Passports not an issue.

God no. Stay home.

Lots of hotels nowadays seem to have full blackout curt so the pitch dark for sleeping might not be a worry - can you call them or check on trip advisor? Knowing that might help sway you one way or the other.

So some of the obstacles you mentioned have solutions. But you don’t sound keen. It’s OK to not be keen and not do it.

I find it weird, bordering on unnatural, that a guy would want to do this rather than go alone and enjoy a few days off from family stuff. Different if he was going for 6 months and would terribly miss his family, but it's just a few nights.

Why is he so keen that you go?

It's a very odd conference if it finishes at 5pm every day. The networking is surely the most important part.
I think you're totally right not to go.