AIBU to want to track my children?

[PocketFluff]

I've just read about the Tile tracker on another thread on here. What a great idea! I'm getting some for wallet and keys etc. This made me think about tracking the most important things to me: my children.

Does anyone know if you can get or make (with eg a Tile) a bracelet or something similar for them? I can't find anything on Google, just watches for older children that can be tracked.

Knowing I could track them on my phone should they ever get lost at the beach, days out etc would be amazing! No substitution for keeping a close eye on them, which I do, but a good back up. It would also ease anxiety after watching the Madeline documentary. Really shouldn't have watched that. And yes, I know that it is very rare.

I'm happy to be tracked when I'm out running on my own through my phone, I see it as a really good safety feature. They're little so no invasions of privacy or anything. Has anyone found something like this??

I just want to be clear, is it your opinion that your peace of mind is of more importance than your DC's growing need for privacy, independence and autonomy as they approach adulthood

What a load of drivel. Privacy and autonomy...he's 11 and walking to school...have a word with yourself!

The notion that LIFE SKILLS will somehow enable your DC to fend off a grown man intent on abducting him or her!

I thought of the black mirror episode too..
Honestly I think this is like those angelcare monitor things and makes anxiety much worse in the long run...
I say that as some one with anxiety!
You think its peace of mind but in reality it's just exacerbating the problem... what if it breaks, or they take it off? When are you going to stop using it, at what age, and how will you manage that when you've been psychologically used to being able to see where they are? Where are you going to draw the lines and how easy is that going to be to stick to?
I personally think it's a slippery slope that in the long run will cause far more anxiety to you than if you just never did it.

DD has ASD and is non-verbal. I'd microchip her if I was legally allowed. Without pausing for thought.

@ formerbabe , I see the very idea that your child requires increasing privacy and autonomy as they grow is unacceptable to you. I feel sorry for your future daughter in law. :(

@ HavelockVetinari , the life skills you teach such as being aware of their surroundings at all times (and not wearing their damn earbuds), not walking home alone, avoiding parks and unpopulated streets to walk home, self defence moves which they can use in a crisis, the people they can approach if they become lost ( police, shop staff etc) and always telling them if they DO find themselves in a dodgy situation, exactly what to do and who to call. So yes, ACTUAL BLOODY LIFE SKILLS can save them from being in a dodgy situation in the first place.
Unfortunately, most of the people intent on child abduction or abuse will not be deterred, however they are far more likely focus on the single child alone in a lonely area, not on the ones in a group who stick to populated areas, making your child safer. ( and actually I think the internet is a greater risk to any child's safety as that seems to be where most 'offenders' find their victims, but that's a whole other issue).

OP I see your DC have ‘waves of SA’, are you doing anything to help them get over it? Your tracking suggestions suggests not, if you exhibit anxiety at them being away from you it’s just a vicious circle.

@spam390

@ formerbabe , I see the very idea that your child requires increasing privacy and autonomy as they grow is unacceptable to you. I feel sorry for your future daughter in law

Don't put words in my mouth. I never said that. I said that privacy and autonomy are not relevant in the case of a child, age 11, walking to school.

@Bookworm4

OP I see your DC have ‘waves of SA’, are you doing anything to help them get over it? Your tracking suggestions suggests not, if you exhibit anxiety at them being away from you it’s just a vicious circle.

Have you read my other posts? Their SA comes from seeing their Daddy die and wanting to stay close to their surviving parent. And yes, we are having grief counselling. Thanks.

@ formerbabe
your exact words were 'Privacy and autonomy...he's 11 and walking to school...have a word with yourself!

Ermm...... to me that means you think the idea of your 11yr old DC having the right to ANY privacy and autonomy is ridiculous..... if I'm mistaken, please elaborate ?

It could make your anxiety worse if you start this and feel compelled to keep it up when they're older, especially if the tracker doesn't work for some reason.
We had a tile tracker when the dc were younger and it didn't work properly.

Ermm...... to me that means you think the idea of your 11yr old DC having the right to ANY privacy and autonomy is ridiculous..... if I'm mistaken, please elaborate ?

In the instance of walking to school, I genuinely have no idea what privacy and autonomy have to do with it

In case people aren't reading any of my other posts, I want to use a tracker in the event that they got lost. As a backup. I know where they are, they are 3 and 6. I don't want or need to track them.

We’ve just been to a music festival and put one of these on DS in case he got lost!

Honestly I think this is like those angelcare monitor things and makes anxiety much worse in the long run...

What absolute bollocks. Maybe for some people, but I had anxiety pretty severely after my twins came home from nicu and using a monitor when they had bugs etc helped me to get some sleep (in the rare moments they slept).

Some of the responses here are ridiculous.

I'd like a Weasley clock. Tracker on the wall.

Who judged Molly Weasley, and who thought it sounded good?!

@formerbabe

What you're doing is the modern, tech version of neighbours keeping an eye on children.

What you're doing is the modern, tech version of neighbours keeping an eye on children

Yes I suppose so.

I remember when I first walked to school, my mother, unbeknown to me, was secretly following me in the car. Perhaps other posters will think my privacy and autonomy were violated by her doing that?!

My DC have just got phones with tracking, they will be useful for meeting them off slightly random school buses, making sure they have made appointments etc. The tracking was a major plus of getting them phones for secondary school. I don't imagine using the feature on a daily basis but I can see it being useful at times.

Blimey, yes I would microchip my child if it was possible!

I suppose the question really is how useful they are. Like, if you got separated from the DCs at the beach say, would the tracker pin-point exactly where they were, or would it just show them as 'somewhere on the beach'?

I would be wary op of starting something like this now, when you are all in a very delicate place, because to me it seems to be 'feeding' the anxiety rather than controlling it. You say you'd stop doing it at 10/11 which is one of the most difficult times for children who are still so young wanting independence, and by that time you will be relying on the tech to make everyone feel 'safe'.

But you know what, you do you. You've lost your DH and the wee ones have lost their father, if it makes you feel more comfortable then do it, you'll get no judgement from me

This is such an interesting thread for me. I worked as a Child Protection Worker for a number of years but even before this I have had a very risk averse attitude to raising my children. They have been equipped with lots of information and advice/guidance about keeping themselves safe in a number of different ways. My children had boundaries, would check in when out playing etc. My teenager recently went abroad with friends - major stress time for me but she had a fab time and still came home safely. My oldest actually tracks me on her phone but it’s to see if I’m on the way/almost home. I don’t mind being tracked AT ALL. I can completely understand the fear of losing a child - unfortunately I have lost a child, but it was suddenly in his sleep so none of my careful parenting/promoting independent and safety made any difference. What do I think about tracking devices? I think if both parties are happy with it then why not? It’s an advance in technology we didn’t have before and there are lots of advances that would raise similar questions. As for being scared after watching the Madeleine documentary - remember this wee girl was left completely unsupervised.

@LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett

What a lovely post, thank you.

Some of these posts are a bit dramatic ‘autonomy’. My two couldn’t care less about the app. Genuinely.

All the hints and tips about how to keep your children safe! Do you think that because I can see where my sons phone is I haven’t bothered teaching him anything?! I haven’t bothered telling him about strangers or road safety! Ridiculous.

And no it doesn’t get out of hand. My son has left his phone at my sisters so he won’t have it for today. Fine. Sometimes it doesn’t work. Fine. He didn’t have it yesterday. Fine. My daughter didn’t have hers on Friday after school when she went to the park with her friend. Fine. BUT it’s a very handy tool for certain occasions or when you haven’t been in contact for a while and want to make sure all is well. I’m not going to beat myself up about it.

Sorry to hear about your child @Ifigotherewillbedouble 💐

If a tracker gives you peace of mind then why not. Don’t rely on tech though (batteries go flat, out of range etc). I’ve seen watches for little kids that have trackers in them.

DS and I have phone locators - he probably uses it more to prank me (how’s John Lewis’! Or ‘don’t forget the spring rolls and since you are at the Chinese takeaway’). It was set up when he started going to school by himself and we’ve just kept it on.