To judge these people?

[HappyRambler]

This is prompted from a previous thread and lifestyle change. I recently gave up drink, drank heavily for many years and am 30 now. I dont preach (as that's super boring to listen to and because it's my prerogative I'm not going to force on others) and I dont care if I go out with a friend and she has water or 2 bottles of wine, makes no difference to me. But what I cant stand is people who judge others for not drinking like "you're not drinking tonight, as no fun" or "fine, if you're driving then I'll just drive to :(" or people who encourage to just have one.

I see the irony in me judging the judgers but it drives me mad! I dont go on about not drinking or say negative things about those who do drink, I drank for many years and would be a hypocrite. Also theres pros and cons of both drinking and non drinking. I just dont get why people are so judgemental about people not drinking as if it's boring or you cant have fun without a drink?

I welcome all opinions as I honestly am fascinated about the mentality of needing a drink to be or have fun! Maybe I make them feel guilty purely by sitting there with my non alcoholic drink, who knows!

I give up alcohol for Lent every year and a few friends say that I’m boring. It’s because me not drinking highlights how much they are, which is generally too much.

My SIL is a functional alcoholic (I reckon) and she badgers people to have a drink. When I’m with her it’s over and over again, very tiresome.
I think it’s to normalise the amount she drinks; if others are drinking too then she’s the same as everyone else.

I used to say things like this but my mum is now a recovering alcoholic and I see it differently now. I honestly couldn't care what people are drinking as long as they are having a good time. I've not drank in nearly 3 years through pregnancy and breastfeeding and a very clingy baby. I dont even miss it

I can see why most of that is annoying but I don't understand your upset about this:

"fine, if you're driving then I'll just drive to"

I mean, how is that a problem for you?

I probably drink about twice a year, but if I plan a rare night out with a friend thinking we can have a couple of glasses of wine and a laugh and they refuse to drink I'd be a bit fed up as I'd feel that I couldn't either and we may as well have just gone for a coffee or something.

I absolutely agree (and I love a drink myself). No one else's business whether you drink or why you chose not to. If they think you are boring they should find someone else to socialise with.

*choose

@teyem you missed a vital part... the sad face after the I'll drive too

I dont mind the I'll drive too bit, it's the sad face as in driving is a real hardship or I'm forcing them to drive and not drink!

That's the exact attitude I'm talking about! Why would you feel you couldn't if they weren't? Also might as well have gone for coffee... is the only point to have a drink or is it to enjoy your friends company?
@Jemimapuddleduckpancake

Exactly, if you find me boring sober then go socialise with someone else!

I actually think I'm more boring drunk, talking rubbish, laughing at things that aren't funny... @Beingnicetomyself

For lots of people, drinking and socialising is a fun part of adult life.

It’s like going to a cake shop with a dieter, or a steak restaurant with a vegan. A known non drinker can change the dynamic of the setting.

I think there’s also an element of the idea that you have changed. We are all constantly changing of course, but the fundamental parts of what made you a fun friend to have around for certain occasions is now different.

I gave up drinking alchohol a few years ago. I don't judge anyone drink or don't it's none of my business. I've had comments such as "I need to find more boring friends like you to hang around with". Invitations dried up as I was told I wouldn't be interested in attending parties etc. Non drinkers and drinkers can be v. judgemental.

I find it's a UK attitude. I haven't come across it anywhere else in the world (yet).

Weirdly enough I didnt meet all my friends drunk... in fact I met none of them drunk so to think this is what attracted them to me in the first place is a strange concept.

I think non drinkers only change the setting if you are insecure about your drinking.

I would hate to think that getting pissed whst a fundamental part of my friendship, doesn't sound too healthy! I'm more than a drinker!

@CalmFizz

@Skyecat

I agree! We seem to put a lot of importance on drink and not drinking is the not the norm. As someone suggested it's the only drug you have to justify not taking, weird if you think about it!

Alcohol lowers inhibitions, I'd say I was more fun after a couple of drinks ie the story teller holding an audience, the first up dancing - but TBH it's all a mask isn't it for the fact some people are quite shy.

Your opinion is valid lol

But would you agree that too much alcohol can turn people boring? As in slurring, talking rubbish, all the usual drunken things so why do people only focus on sober people being boring?

Especially when you're sober most of the time, I wonder if these people think they're boring? I dont think I'm boring sober, or after a few drinks but am definitely boring when pissed!

Of course, and you can do plenty of non drink related events. But when people want to have a drink/evening out then the dynamics become changed by a ‘presence’ of a non drinker.

Most people haven’t met their friends drunk, but most friendships have happy/funny/shared memories from occasions where drinking happened. (Bbq’s, beer gardens in the sunshine, Christmas parties, birthdays, group holidays together, watching sporting events, hen parties etc etc) I think sometimes when a person decides they no longer want to drink, there’s an element of saying they didn’t really enjoy those shared memories, or they don’t want to have them anymore.

DP and DS rarely drink
DD and I enjoy a drink
It’s great to have someone who never minds driving - it doesn’t change anything
I go out with various groups of friends some who drink some who don’t - the only difference it makes is to make sure it’s fair if there is a shared bill or drinks kitty
I think the peer pressure to drink lessens as you get older though
I sometimes have to watch what I drink myself as trying to lose weight

I understand where you're coming from and yes it's annoying but then I judge those same people who think you can't have fun without getting drunk and think they have an alcohol problem.

Because of where we live we have to drive to any social event. I've discovered that drunk people are really, really dull.

YANBU I think it just screams insecurity. They are irritated that some people can control their alcohol consumption or feel judged for not doing the same and try to break people down to "join the club."

I remember having a right laugh one night at a family gathering and my relative kept going on about how "drunk" I was and went mad when they knew I was driving home.

I hadn't had a bloody drop! I won't even have one if I'm driving, I just get a bit hyper around people that I have a laugh with. So boring that some people think you can't possibly have fun unless you're pissed.

In the reverse it's like me saying to my friend "but you get so boring after a couple of glasses of wine!" Because after more than 2 glasses of wine all she does is critusize her husband the rest of the night and bore the tits off everyone, but I would never say that! But it is okay for people to tell sober people they're boring...

For lots of people, drinking and socialising is a fun part of adult life.

So? That doesn't give people the right to try and force a drink on you! It really doesn't matter WHY you don't want a drink - it's your choice.

That happened to me recently! Was out with my husbands friends and their partners and got a text the next day saying a great night and "we love drunk Sophie!"... hadnt had a single drink!

Fun must equal drunk in people's minds! @teddywantscake